Tug of War
Battling my demons
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I wonder why I write. I wonder who’s reading what I write. I wonder why I don’t get the comments I think I should. I wonder why, despite the hours of time promoting it, my blog isn’t doing better. I wonder why the pitches I write seem to go unnoticed. I wonder why the suggestions I make are ignored. I wonder why I can’t made myself be heard.
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I used to be sexy and confident. I used to weigh far less. I used to have a twinkle in my eye. I want to be those things again but I’m not sure I know how any longer. Do I hide behind the new me because I don’t want to work that hard?
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I want to be the best mum my daughter deserves. I want to be a good cook and go the extra mile. I want to entertain my daughter and be everything she needs. But…I can’t seem to find the mojo to cook like Nigella or Delia. I can’t seem to find the skill to be crafty like Mr. Maker. I can’t seem to let my daughter just be…I’m forever meddling…am I doing the right things? I’d like to think so but I fear I’m not.
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I want to be a friend. I want to have friends. I want my daughter to have friends. But I can’t seem to get myself out there to do it. Is it the comfort of home? I make excuses and wish for something different but if I don’t make it happen, who will?
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I’m a good wife, I think. But I could be better. I could have our house gleaming from top to toe. I could have fresh bread baking in the oven and a gorgeous meal waiting on the stove. I could sew and knit; I could craft and bake. I could dress better and prettier and take more care with my appearance. What is stopping me? Is that REALLY me?
There’s a tug of war going on inside of me…who’s going to win? Who’s going to jump behind me on my side and help me do it? Maybe I just need to rely on myself and dig in and pull…
(Written in support of the Writing Workshop at Sleep is for the Weak; prompt #2- Battling your Demons)
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About Me
Welcome to Cafe Bebe...a tale of the adventures of two parents who found each other across an ocean, learned how to parent thanks to a toddler called Ella and a bebe called Sam while maintaining their sanity...just. Subscribe Here!
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