Posts Tagged "labour"

Hospital Report

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 23, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 12 comments

Open Wide Mummy

Guess from where I’m writing this post? Ok, I’ll give you two guesses and one of them is NOT my comfortable abode! That’s right, from my hospital bed. I’m still here, still waiting, still wondering.

I managed to get some sleep in spurts last night which helped me to feel stronger this morning. I was put on a monitor around 8am to check Bebe’s HR and my contractions. Bebe was a bit sleepy at first but picked up more as time went on. I was continuing to have regular contractions that were uncomfortable but manageable. The contractions (or as the Consultant later labelled them: “tightenings”) were not enough to get anyone jumping like last night. Darn.

I struggled to get gluten-free toast for breakfast and had to educate the brekkie caterers that I knew full well what did and didn’t have gluten in it and Rice Krispies most definitely does have trace gluten in it (It really does!). Ding!

Eventually, around 11am the Consultant arrived along w/ 2 sidekicks. They bustled in and got straight down to it. Basically, nothing’s happening and unless it does over the next day or two at most they’re going to send me home to wait for the MAGIC date of 2 December. The contractions aren’t contractions but “tightenings” (Consultant is a man) and the bleeding (which is still happening) is more than likely just uterine irritation. The Consultant was definitely lacking in bedside manner & pretty much told me that it’s not my decision and there’s no medical necessity to bring the 2 December date forward unless things change dramatically. Ultimately I’ll be sent home to “wait and see”.

I questioned why we did the steroid jabs and the rather annoying and ouchie canula and was met with “just in case”.”Just in case” doesn’t seem to be happening however. I have continued to have spotting/light bleeding throughout the day but contractions or tightenings seem to have stopped altogether. I’ll be spending Tuesday night in hospital and will be seen by the humourless consultant et al in the morning some time. I’m hoping that if all does grind to a halt by the morning, they’ll at least send me home for the next 9 days to wait and see. I’d rather be waiting at home than hanging in hospital.

I do have to say, however, that the year-old Peterborough City Hospital is a very nice NHS hospital. The ward bays are FAR more spacious than the old hospital and 4 bays share a large toilet & shower room as opposed to having to walk down the hall for one like the old hospital. Aside from the breakfast caterers, the Lunch and Dinner menu has rather nice menu choices, many of which are gluten-free (and well labelled!). There is also a telly (free) and no restrictions regarding mobile use which suits me just fine! Peterborough City Hospital gets a thumbs up from me so far. And ultimately, if I do go home, it’s been a good reconnaissance mission for me. See, I can see the positive!

There we have it! Day two for the Hospital Report. I wish I had more progress to report but apparently Bebe is enjoying his/her stay more than I thought! I do try to be a good host. I’m just rubbish at eviction it seems. More reports to follow for all those who are interested in Bebe Alert 2011. For those who aren’t, sorry to disappoint, I’m a bit stuck on this topic for now.

If anyone has a special hospital “waiting game” story to share, feel free to add it in the comments below. I appreciate any sources of support I can get!

Labour & Delivery: My Choice

Posted by cafebebemama on Jul 13, 2011 in Motherhood | 16 comments

The birth of my first child, Ella, was not a pleasant one. Thankfully there was not one thing wrong with Ella and she never stressed or suffered a bit. Unlike her Mummy. Ella was nearly 2 weeks overdue. We were scheduled for induction on Sunday 1 June, 2008. Ella was born Tuesday 3 June, 2008 by emergency c-section at 1:50am after induction, Syntocinon, Epidural x many and failure to progress at 3cm. Following her delivery I lost 1.5litres of blood and was left weak, pale and fairly miserable.

The outcome was perfectly safe and healthy for Ella. The outcome for me was not. It was a thoroughly miserable experience, the whole of my labour and delivery, and is one that I look back on through partially closed eyes. I don’t like to talk about it; I don’t really like to think about it. The only bright spot was when they pulled Ella from me (which I couldn’t see) and I heard a quiet cry and they said “It’s a GIRL!” That was the one bright spot. The rest was horrible.

Before being induced with waves of Syntocinon in the early afternoon of 2 June, 2008, I was offered an Epidural. I chose that for my pain relief but unfortunately the epidural was “patchy” which left me with partial feeling down the right side of my body. I couldn’t feel the full force of contractions but I could feel pain and was ridiculously uncomfortable for the duration. The midwives continued to top up my epidural and then attempted to get the epidural to flow to the right side of my body by turning me slightly to the right so the epidural could “drift”. Fun. I was uncomfortable, couldn’t find a suitable position in which to be propped up (I couldn’t lay down because of the epidural) and couldn’t rest at all. The epidural and Syntocinon drip began around 1:00pm. Ella wasn’t delivered until 1:50am. I was chock-a-block of drugs for 12 hours. No wonder I was a mess.

For a long time after Ella’s birth I didn’t want to talk about what I had gone through. I still don’t like to share my “war story” but I have found a few women who went through similar situations which is slightly comforting. We didn’t necessarily plan to have a 2nd child but from the moment I knew I was pregnant with this baby, I’ve been fretting over what this labour and delivery experience might be like. I know that there’s every possibility that this labour and delivery will be entirely different. I’m not willing to take that gamble however.

I’m fully aware of the risks of a repeat c-section. I’m also fully aware of the risks of trying for a VBAC and “failing” and ending up in the same situation (if not worse) as last time. It’s my choice. I WANT an elective c-section. I want to know when this baby is going to be born so I can prepare Ella, our family and myself. I want to be calm about this delivery. I want it to be a positive experience where I am in control and am fully prepared for everything. I think the risks and side-effects will be less horrific if the delivery is a calm and cool one and not an “emergency” situation. Is this not my right on the NHS? I’m not “too posh to push”. I want an elective c-section because I feel it will be a far safer option for me and for my baby. I am choosing this.

I knew that my chances of getting an elective c-section were slim when I went for my referral appointment with the consultant on 4 July. The NHS hospitals like to keep their “natural birth rates” low. Peterborough City Hospital is no exception. When I sat in the appointment with my consultant, she shared with me, when I mentioned the desire for high natural birth rates, that Peterborough has one of the highest natural birth rates in the area. Woo hoo. Shall we throw a party?

I persevered, however. I pled my case. I related my first labour and delivery experiences. I mentioned all of the risks that I knew were possible. I told her that I had fully researched and was educated about the risks and after-effects of a repeat c-section. I related my feelings about such a negative first labour and delivery. I told her that I wanted a positive birth experience for what will be my final birth experience. I didn’t cry…I was prepared, educated and firm in my decision.

She agreed with me. But…she didn’t schedule me for an elective c-section YET. I will have an appointment with her at 36 weeks (9 November…God that seems a long way away) where we will again talk about where I am and how I feel. I will hopefully get a scheduled date then. I do not want to wait until I go into labour naturally. I want to be in control. Maybe I’m nuts. Maybe it would be entirely different. But this is what I want and I feel that I am entitled to get what I want. I will never have the perfect, Utopian, midwife-led birth that everyone dreams of. Because of my previous c-section and additional risk factors, if I go into labour on my own, I will immediately go to the monitored midwife unit where I’ll be strapped up to every monitor under the sun to make sure nothing goes wrong with this delivery. Previous experience tells me that intervention and me don’t mix.

I’ve carried on far too long here but I feel the need to get this out. What are your thoughts? Should women have a choice in how they labour and deliver? Why should the NHS have a say in your personal labour and delivery experience? What experience did you have and did it affect your subsequent deliveries? Feel free to share…

Wish I May, Wish I Might

Posted by cafebebemama on Sep 26, 2010 in Motherhood | 8 comments

June 2008

My amazing friend Sabina at Mummy Matters has just given birth to a gorgeous baby boy. It has given me flashbacks. Flashbacks to Little Miss’ labour & delivery, our attempts at breastfeeding and those first early days. It has made me wistful. The phrase “wish I may, wish I might” springs to mind a bit. I wonder what it would have been like if things had been different…

What if I hadn’t needed to be induced and spend a miserable night on the induction ward not sleeping and not knowing what was coming next? Perhaps I could have allowed my body to do what nature intended? I could have spent labour and delivery in the midwife-led unit with aromatherapy and a bag of energy filled snacks. I could have partnered with my husband to bring our daughter into this world in a calm and happy way. Instead I spent hours suffering a patchy epidural, a foot or other limb lodged in my ribs, never getting beyond 3cm and having an emergency Caesarian where I was shaking, grunting, hurting and panicked. I could have held my daughter instead of looking at her from a distance and then turning my head away to be ill for the umpteenth time. I could have been with my daughter in her first hour of life instead of being on a theatre operating table losing too much blood and wavering in and out of consciousness.

What if I had been able to breastfeed? What if the hospital was not as hot as a brick oven and had comfortable chairs and beds to promote successful breastfeeding? What if the midwives TAUGHT me how to breastfeed instead of shoving my boobs into my screaming newborn daughter’s mouth? Perhaps if these things had happened I wouldn’t have had to send my hubby out to the nearest Boots to buy formula, bottles and sterilisers as we weren’t prepared to not succeed. Perhaps if my boobs had worked in the way that they are supposed to I would not have such a horrible perception of breastfeeding and the pro-breastfeeding militia movement that the thought of breastfeeding makes me seethe with repressed anger. I look at my good friend breastfeeding her son and I think…wish I may, wish I might.

But had I not had the trials I had, would I be blessed with the glorious, precocious, ridiculously verbal, healthy, vivacious Little Miss that we have? What if is futile really. But I still wonder if things could have gone differently. If I am fortunate enough to have another Little Miss or Little Mister would I try to do things differently?

For starters, I believe I would aim for an elective Caesarian. I know that as I have had one, the option can be there to elect for a second. I feel that knowing what is coming, going into it prepared, calm and ready as opposed to in an emergency, frightened and ill would be more positive for us all. I don’t think I need to have a “badge of honour” to go through “natural labour and delivery”. What I would wish for is a calm and peaceful labour and delivery so I could enjoy my daughter or son and be fully present.

As much as I will be hung out to dry by saying this, I believe I would opt for formula feeding from the beginning as opposed to trying to breastfeed. I know that there would be every chance that I could succeed a second time but do I want to put myself through the emotional and physical stress and strain of the attempt? I don’t know. I had such a horrific experience with Little Miss that I don’t believe I want to go anywhere near that again.

I don’t know that I’ll get any “do-overs”. Little Miss is my world and is an amazing girl for which I am eternally grateful. If you could “wish I may, wish I might” would you do anything over?

One Time Mama?

Posted by cafebebemama on Sep 20, 2010 in Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood | 13 comments

February 2008

While my good friend Sabina is in labour with her second baby as I type, I continue to wonder if I am destined to be just a one time Mama. Sabina’s daughter and Little Miss are 3 days apart in age. We didn’t know each other at the time but got to know each other through classes at our local SureStart Centre when our girls were about 3 months old. Both Sabina and I are very fulfilled as mothers but Sabina always knew she wanted to have more than “just one”. And they’re very nearly there!

I’m so happy for Sabina and her family and will eagerly cradle the newest member of their family with glee. But I’ve wondered for a while now if Little Miss will end up an only child after all. You see, I’m no spring chicken. I know I don’t look a day over 30 (pah!) but I’ll be 40 in 2 months! My eggs are reaching their expiry date! It took me 34 years to find my beloved Englishman and 3 more years to become a mother for the first time. I take my time with these things. And I think time is running out!

For quite some time after Little Miss was born, I wondered if I could possibly love another child as much as I do my Little Miss. How would I divide my time and attention? I can barely fit in the dog, cat and hubby into the current mix! How could I give a second baby as much as they deserved? And when it came right down to it, hubby and I were pretty darn happy as “3″. I don’t think either of us was too eager to become “4″.

Do you know what else? I don’t think I was meant to give birth! That may sound ridiculous but my body just was not up to the task. I never dilated more than 3 or 4cm and Little Miss was happily lodged, and I do mean LODGED, in my pelvis. My grunts when the surgeon was removing Little Miss from my womb by Caesarian Section were more than audible to the masses. I provide a lovely home but I was apparently not meant to evict anyone from said premises.

I was an only child for 6.5 years. I was very happy as an only child (sorry Brother). I only started to like my brother properly after I left home at the age of 17 to go to University. But no matter how much distance is between us, we’ll always be brother and sister and will be there for each other long after our parents are no longer here. That’s nice to know. I’d like Little Miss to have someone around with her when we’re gone. And as hubby and I are “older” parents it’s very likely that she will be an “orphan” for a lot longer than my brother and I will be. That’s depressing!

There was a lot of “when are you going to start a family” talk when hubby and I first got married. This is understandable considering our age. Now, of course, there’s the “when are you going to make Little Miss a big sister?” talk. Would it be so horrible for there to ONLY be Little Miss? Is that selfish of us?

I’m also beginning to wonder if my body is up to the task? Perhaps it’s trying to tell me something with the cold, hard fact that I am not pregnant 27 months after Little Miss made us “3″. We haven’t been desperate or strategic or trying very hard to get pregnant, truth be told. My cycle seems to be all over the place which is part of what makes me wonder if the clock is wearing right down after all of these years. I’m not upset about any of this but just wondering. Wondering if Little Miss will be our one and only? Wondering if I’m meant to ONLY be a one time Mama? Wondering if it’s time to “call it a day”? I’d love to know what some of you “older” mums think??

If I am destined to be a one time Mama…I think we’ve done a pretty decent job but perhaps I’m biased??

We love you forever, Little Miss!

Birth Memories

Posted by cafebebemama on Aug 10, 2009 in Uncategorized | 6 comments

I was tweeting away when one of my fellow Twitter-ers posted a photo of her daughter JUST being born by C-Section.  Mummy in question, in the photo was peering over the edge of the drape to see her daughter being lifted from her.  It was a lovely picture with a beautiful new baby taking her first breath.  I instantly felt sadness.  I didn’t have that moment and I suddenly felt a real emptiness about that. 

My labour and delivery were not as I had planned, but then again, is anyones?  I was 12 days overdue and went in on Sunday 1 June, 2008 at 9:30pm.  After being checked and monitored by one of the nurses, they determined that I was in the early stages of labour so I wouldn’t need pessaries.  My husband was told to leave and they continued to monitor me throughout the night.  At some point my blood pressure flew through the roof so blood tests were ordered and more monitoring ensued.  In the meantime, I didn’t sleep a wink.  Being one of four women on a labour ward is not exactly restfull.  Every time I needed to use the loo I had to shuffle down the hall to a communal toilet.  I’ve never walked back and forth so many times.  I was having mild, very sporadic contractions but nothing horrible.  I learned that birdsong begins around 3:15am in June in England as I was awake to hear it. 

Around 8:30am, a doctor came in to break my waters to try to get things moving.  I kept thinking about the “knitting needle” that she was using to do it and kept waiting for the gush of waters that I had always heard about.  There was no gush but there was definite pain!  My contractions started to kick in a bit more and I started to really want my husband with me.  He turned up freshly rested and bearing magazines and snacks.  I just wanted him to rub my back and be with me…didn’t really care about the OK Magazine in his rucksack. 

Finally at about 1pm, we were moved to the active labour ward.  Because I was “induced” there would be no midwife-led unit and birthing pools for us!  We arrived in a small room with a bed, chair and lots of medical equipment.  At least we were in a room of our own though.  We had 2 midwives who stayed with us during this time…we got to know them quite well but I couldn’t tell you today what their names were.  I was asked about pain relief as I was going to be put on a Syntocinon drip.  I wasn’t sure but was brought round to the epidural idea.  Then I was repeatedly stuck in the worst ways 3-4 different times in both hands in order to get a canula in for the Syntocinon drip.  They couldn’t get it in!  On top of the contractions that were now becoming decidedly uncomfortable, I was being tortured my midwives, nurses and doctors who took 4 attempts to hit a vein.  That pushed me right over the edge…EPIDURAL NOW!

After being properly scared by the anaesthetist who said “DON’T MOVE!”, the epidural began to run.  I felt a cold rush into my spine and the pain began to go away.  Who cared if I could move my legs?  I didn’t feel pain!  But guess what then?  The epidural was patchy!  This meant that after short periods of time, the epidural would wear off from my right mid-ribs down my right leg to my toes.  This also meant that I began to feel contractions again.  I would get sprayed with cold spray to test the numbness in my limbs, twisted and turned to try to get the epidural to float over to the right side and then get the epidural topped up for a while.  This process was repeated numerous times.  I couldn’t lay down and couldn’t really get comfortable as Little Miss had a foot or some pointy extremity lodged in one of my ribs so again, I couldn’t sleep.  I hadn’t slept for about 30 hours at this point. 

Apparently I created a lovely environment for my baby because she decided that she was just not going to come out.  After 2 rounds of Syntocinon and numerous epidural top-ups, I was still only at 3-4 centimetres.  10 hours after entering the active labour room, a C-Section was decided upon and I was grateful.  I knew that had I ever got to 10 centimetres there was no way I was going to be able to push Little Miss out.  It then took another 2 hours to get to theatre as there were so many c-section women in the queue.  We were now into 3 June, 2008 having come into the hospital on 1 June.  Sigh…

Finally it was time to be wheeled into theatre.  My hubby was led away by the midwife to get “scrubbed up” so I was on my own.  This is where I began to get scared.  Theatre was cold and echoey and bright.  I couldn’t get over how large and shiny the light above the table was and vowed to NOT look in it.  I didn’t want to see what was about to happen.  Once I was installed on the operating table, I began to get quite scared.  Hubby was not yet with me, people were bustling about and I was all alone, really.  I think due to the epidural which had been topped up again and the fear, I began to shiver and my teeth began to chatter.  I couldn’t control it.  I felt cold and very frightened.  Suddenly my hubby was next to the right side of my head and he kept asking if I was alright and why I was chattering.  I didn’t know!  I was so worried about when they would start the c-section and then I felt a lot of pulling and tugging and then I felt my own legs moving!  What??  Once of the nurses remarked that “this woman’s legs are moving!” and some more drugs were pumped into me.  I could feel everything…not pain but massive tugging and yanking around.  I still don’t know, to this day, if I was halucinating or if Little Miss was really stuck.  I do know that she wasn’t coming out any other way and that she did seem to be stuck in my pelvis.  I continued to chatter and shiver and feel really bloomin’ miserable. 

There was a release when they finally got Little Miss out of her home of 9 months followed by a mewling sound and a “It’s a Girl!” from someone.  Hubby and I gasped and said “It’s a Girl!”  I knew it was a girl…mother’s know these things.  The next few minutes were a bit of a blur.  I know Little Miss was wrapped up and brought to my hubby who then held her to my head so I could look at her.  I’d never seen such big, dark eyes staring at me.  She was quiet and calm and just stared at me.  I said “Hi you” and after a minute or two, began to feel really horrible.  I told hubby to take her away as I was going to be sick.  I kept shouting to the medical people that I was going to be sick and finally someone brought a dish for me to tip my head into and be sick.  How dignified!  My daughter just comes into the world and I throw up!  I made sure hubby went with Little Miss and then I know a lot more drugs were pumped into me.  I had looked at the clock when I threw up (1:55am) and then just was very dozy and out of it until about 2:45 am when I was being wheeled out of theatre to recovery.

I still don’t know what the heck happened in theatre with Little Miss’ birth but I did end up losing about 2 pints of blood and nearly needed a transfusion.  Doesn’t seem like it was all that pleasant and I have rather horrible memories of the whole thing.  I feel like I missed out on the JOY of birth, even though there was a moment of joy when I knew Little Miss was safe and when I saw her tiny face.  I was so out of it and so out of control that it’s mostly a blur.  My other friends who had natural births had that “Awwww” moment that I couldn’t have and it makes me a bit sad.  I did feel like a failure as well.  I know I ended up with a gorgeous, healthy Little Miss and that’s all that really matters.  If there’s a next time, I hope I will be a bit more in control and happy whether that’s with a c-section or natural birth.  I’m grateful that my Little Miss and I came out of the entire thing mostly safe and sound but I do have some very mixed feelings about the entire thing.  What about you?  Was your birth ideal and “fairytale” or was it your own personal nightmare?