Posts Tagged "formula"

Breastfeeding vs Formula: The Result

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 28, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 19 comments

As many of you know, we welcomed our newest addition, Bebe Sam, into our family on Thursday night. Throughout this, my second pregnancy, I’ve blogged about all things pregnancy related including my fears and issues with breastfeeding. In “Don’t Judge Me Too Harshly” I debated whether I needed to give breastfeeding a go and had some extremely reassuring comments from readers. So, would you like to know what we decided regarding feeding our Little Sam? I’m sure you’re waiting to know…

Well, if the picture above helps, we’ve chosen bottle/formula feeding. This time around we had prepared for either eventuality by purchasing bottles and a steriliser. I only was missing the formula as my rather impromptu stay in hospital stopped my nesting/shopping. I had studied up on “biological nurturing” and thought that might be my way forward but wasn’t totally sure. Whilst in hospital, twiddling my thumbs for 4 days as I did, I spoke with the midwives to find out if our hospital still provided mums/babies with small bottles of ready-made formula as they had when we were in for Ella’s birth. Due to the WHO initiatives and the guidelines of the NHS, I wasn’t sure if the hospital would even be permitted to dispense formula because they certainly aren’t permitted to promote it. Our hospital, Peterborough City Hospital, still provides formula for their mums/babies but there are plans to change this in the future. So at least, I knew that I didn’t have to bring my own steriliser and bottles to hospital to feed our child if that’s the method we chose.

When we were wheeled out of theatre on Thursday following Sam’s safe and positive c-section and installed in Recovery, I was asked by my midwife, which method of feeding I had chosen. I glanced at Mark, took a deep breath and said, “Well, we’re not totally sure but we may be formula feeding. Sorry.” The midwive then surprised the bejesus out of me by saying “Don’t you dare be sorry! That’s absolutely fine! You do what you need to do. I’m so sick of the guilt that is placed on new mums.” What a different message that was! Here I was expecting to have to defend my decision and apologise for the choice and I was being told by the midwife that whatever I chose was perfectly acceptable. How very refreshing.

We did have some skin-to-skin time, Sam and I and he did start to root around on my chest. The midwife asked if I wanted to try to breastfeed and I thought it might be an idea just to see what might happen. But then the grabbing of the boobs and shoving them into his mouth began and I wasn’t strong enough to shout, “Stoppit!” Sam was getting a bit upset and I was having flashbacks and I knew, that was it. My decision was made. Formula was the way forward. After giving Sam his first 20ml of formula I knew it was the right decision for us. He sucked it straight down and was happy, content and drunk. Sorted. Decided. Happy. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Due to our decision to formula feed, we had no badgering by lactation consultants or midwives or anyone. We were left to feel confident about our decision and celebrate going forward. None of the midwives passed judgement and almost all of them reiterated that they regretted the guilt that mums feel with regards to the breast versus bottle debate. This was, again, very refreshing and encouraging. I know the debate, been sucked into it myself but we have made the decision that is right for us, for our family and for our mental health. I know I could persevere and work hard to make breastfeeding work for us. My milk, today, has come in. Ow. I’m sure people will curse me and our decision. So be it. For us, this works.  Mark can, and does, take part in the feeding process which aids in his bond with Sam and gives me a break. Sam is healthy, thriving and enjoying his feeds. Yes, it’s a faff preparing bottles, sterilising, waiting whilst Sam is shouting but it’s what we’ve chosen and are happy and confident about it.

For us, formula/bottle feeding has won. I admire women who make breastfeeding work for them and applaud their perseverance and success. I just wish that everyone could do the same for whichever method of feeding a family chooses as no one needs to have any more pressure placed on them in this great adventure called parenting.

Fear of Breastfeeding?

Posted by cafebebemama on Aug 25, 2011 in Motherhood | 22 comments

On Tuesday I went to our local Mothercare store in Peterborough for a #mummymeetup with about 14 other Midlands Mummy Bloggers. It was a great opportunity to get together with bloggers from the area and meet Mothercare representatives. In addition, there was a Medela representative there to give us a bit of a talk about breastfeeding. Unfortunately I was the only pregnant mum in the room so the breastfeeding talk was not as relevant for everyone else. However, as the children played in the middle of our seating area and the breastfeeding talk commenced, I began to get very uncomfortable. Anxious even. Hearing about how, why, where, when, etc., etc., etc., started the over-active imagination in my brain to whirl. I think my heart rate even picked up. I started looking around for things to distract me; using Twitter and anything else on my BlackBerry to take my attention away from what was going on around me. I was quietly freaking out.

You see, I believe I have a fear of breastfeeding. I tried to breastfeed Ella in 2008 which didn’t work at all. We had a lot of factors against us: loads of drugs in me for labour/delivery, emergency c-section, massive loss of blood (me), general lack of interest to feed (Ella), latching on difficulties, overly warm hospital and very stressed out new mum, militant midwives who molested me, my boobs and Ella. I was fully expecting to breastfeed successfully. It did not happen. I was slightly devastated but also desperate to get out of hospital and home. We chose formula feeding and never looked back. But me being me, felt guilty and angry.

I still have a lot of anger. I’m more angry about the way non-breastfeeding mums seem to be made to feel by the breastfeeding militia. Ella grew up to be a very strong, healthy and adorable girl thanks to formula. She has no food allergies or eczema or asthma. She has always been in the 50th-75th centile for weight and height, has no health issues and, in fact, has barely been sick more than a handful of days in her 3 years on this planet. Formula worked for us.

The second time around I’m again feeling the pressure to breastfeed and it’s seriously starting to make me anxious. Anxious not just about “failing” but also about succeeding! Through Twitter and blogging, I read about a lot of women and their struggles and pain and frustrations with breastfeeding. This is the reality. It’s not easy to breastfeed. It’s a skill that has to be learned and will only improve over time and with practise. I don’t know if I’m made of strong enough stuff to succeed. I’m afraid of sitting up for hours on end with the baby attached to a boob, of the “toe-curling” pain that people talk about, of mastitis, of not having enough milk supply, of not knowing how much my baby is getting, of my baby not thriving, of failure eventually. I know, I know…nice negative thoughts Karin. But I can’t help it. Over-analysing and fretting is what I do best.

I don’t know what to do with Bebe number two. Should I try to breastfeed? Should I say no from the get-go? Should I just see how we go and take one day at a time? I don’t know! But I do know that it worries me. Sitting in a room listening to a talk about breastfeeding shouldn’t make me want to run out screaming, should it?

I Have Not Failed

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 16, 2009 in American Mum Me, Motherhood, Pregnancy & Baby | 25 comments

This is my gorgeous daughter when she was just hours old.  She looks quite peaceful there, doesn’t she?  But this was a lull in a rather rocky start together.  After an overnight stay for induction at 41 weeks +5 days which led to 27 hours of non-productive labour, an Emergency Caesarian and a massive loss of blood on my part we didn’t get that DREAM BIRTH that most mothers wish for.  The skin-to-skin and immediate latching on never happened.  Actually, the latching on never, ever happened.

I blame so many things for our failure lack of success.

1. I had copious amounts of drugs (and not the good kind) during my failure to progress labour.  I was started on a Syntocinon drip and an epidural within minutes of each other and was on them for just over 12 hours.  I was physically sick during labour and during delivery.  Something was wrong with the drugs they were giving me as whilst on the operating table in theatre I began to feel quite a lot of things AND began moving my legs!  Go figure!  Apparently my subconscious wanted out of there.  They topped up everything to keep me still and semi-conscious.
2. My Little Miss was perfectly content to NOT feed in the first hours that we were together.  Perhaps it was the drugs in her system as well but she was happy to lay there and look around.  She slept off and on but was not motivated to have breakfast, lunch or tea.
3. Having just had an Emergency C-section and massive blood loss, I wasn’t in the best of physical states to sit properly and feed like most women are able to.  When I was finally able to get into a more upright sitting position in my bed, I was so uncomfortable and tense that there was no way I could relax which I know Little Miss felt.
4. Little Miss was born the first week of June.  It ended up being practically the HOTEST week of the young summer and I was ensconced in a hospital (rhymes with Schmeterborogh) with no air conditioning or climate control of any kind.  I was sweaty (not only from ghastly heat and humidity but from the fluid loss of a recently delivered Mama as well), hot, sticky and uncomfortable.  As I couldn’t get out of bed for the first 24 hours, I couldn’t shower or do anything to make myself happy and human.  In addition to the heat, there was no fan and I was on a ward with 3 other women who had also had c-sections the same morning as I.  I was in the bed the farthest from the window and the closest to the door.  There was no privacy and while I kept pulling the curtains to try to maintain a bit of modesty, the midwives kept tugging them open so they could see how we were getting on.  Just what I wanted in my failure and miserable state…an audience!
5. I was used and abused by militant midwives, lactation consultants and various and sundry other professional trying to get me to do what I was meant to do…feed my baby.  I’ve never had such manhandling of my breasts!  And not the good kind!  It seemed that the goal was to get Little Miss to scream, which opened her mouth wide, and then rapidly shove her little head onto my boob to get her to latch on.  Does this seem like the proper tactic for successful breastfeeding?  I’m thinking, no.  Every few hours one of the breastfeeding militia would pop their head in, ask how I was doing (usually to a tearful response of “Not very well”) and the routine would be repeated again.  I was instructed to self-express and given a tiny cup to catch anything that came out.  Do you think I could even fill the bottom of this teeny, tiny cup?  No!  I barely had a drip coming out.  They brought me a breast pump which succeeded in dragging even less out of me and giving me sore breasts and nipples.  Great!  Every time we tried, we failed.  Little Miss got stressed and upset, I was stressed and cried and no one got any sustinance.

My poor husband, in all of this, just rubbed my back and encouraged me to do whatever was necessary to get Little Miss fed.  Eventually, in despair and without breastmilk or success, I threw in the towel, broke down and asked for formula for Little Miss.  She inhaled the formula and finally slept for just about the first time since she entered the world.  This was on day two of her life!  On the day I was due to be released, the only way they were going to let me leave the hospital was if I made a firm decision on how I was going to feed Little Miss.  If I was going to try to persevere with breastfeeding, I had to stay in hospital to get help.  If I was going to formula feed, I could go.  I was exhausted, ill and miserable.  I chose formula so we could go home and get well.  I never looked back.  Little Miss has been exclusively formula fed for her entire young life and is probably one of the healthiest babies I know.  She has never suffered for being formula fed and I don’t regret the decision one bit.  I felt a failure because I could not do what I should have been able to do for her but I have finally come to terms with that as well.  I honestly don’t think I WAS meant to breastfeed Little Miss.  My breasts just wouldn’t cooperate.  When my “milk” finally came in about 5 days after Little Miss was born, I had about 2 days of very inflated, hard breasts, some minor dribbles and that’s it…gone.  I know breastfeeding supporters would say that had I persevered and breastfed or expressed, my milk production would have been normal as it’s a “supply and demand” sort of thing, but I don’t know.  I just don’t think my boobs were meant to work that way for some reason.

I finally felt like I could tell this story because of a very brave blogger called Ellie who blogs at Insomniac Mummy.  She tried harder than I did and was able to breastfeed some but ultimately had to call it a day and choose to formula feed as well.  What I have troubles with, in this country, is the virtually total lack of support that is present for mums who choose formula feeding for WHATEVER reason.  There are laws, guidelines and regulations which prohibit the promotion of formula brands, formula feeding education and midwives/health visitors and other health professionals from sharing education about proper formula/bottle feeding practises.  I believe that this had led to a severe lack of consistent information which causes a great deal of confusion in the minds of parents.  How many scoops of formula to how many ounces of water?  How long does the water have to be cooled for before pouring it into a sterilised bottle?  Can I make up feeds ahead of time?  How long can I store a feed when out and about?  Does the water go in first or the formula?  You get mixed messages through whichever source you turn to.  If you check out the main formula manufacturers websites in the UK, you have to click through a disclaimer stating that you are taking it upon yourself to accept the information presented on the website!  What’s that for?  They have to state that the best form of feeding is BREASTFEEDING but if you choose to abandon what is recommended, be it on your head that you’re seeking formula education.  Of course, they don’t actually SAY that last part, but it’s implied.

I just wish that there could be EQUAL education about all forms of feeding so that there isn’t a feeling of FAILURE if you can’t do what is so heavily promoted.  There are breastfeeding support groups, coffee mornings and mums clubs which meet to support mums.  Where are the groups for formula feeders?  What if you’re a young mum who doesn’t have a wealth of information at her disposal and can’t breastfeed or chooses not to?  If you over or under feed your baby you could very well bring on a trip to the hospital and endanger the life of your precious baby?  When I was born, breastfeeding was frowned upon in the US.  Formula feeding was the way forward.  Is the tide going to turn again 10-15 years from now?

I’m not against breastfeeding, by any means.  I think, if you are able to manage it and do it comfortably and happily, that’s brilliant and amazing.  I hear far too many horror stories, however, of how painful it is and how they sat and cried while their baby fed!  I know those women probably weren’t feeding properly or there was something else wrong but it seems to me that the feeding/bonding process should be one of pleasure and comfort versus stress and pain.  I never felt a lack of bonding with Little Miss because I was holding a bottle to her mouth and not a breast.  I do wish that there could be more support for those of us who chose formula feeding and that there wasn’t such a stigma attached to formula feeding today.  We’re all trying to do the best for our children and while I’m more than aware that “breast is best”, it’s not possible for everyone.  No new or experienced mum should ever be made to feel like they are a a failure because they’re not.  They’ve just chosen differently and different is not bad…it’s just different.

It’s taken me a lot to write this post (and I know it’s a long one) as I am afraid of backlash.  But I feel that it’s important to share and maybe change someone’s opinion or open someone’s eyes.  I hope that comments will be kind.  I have even considered starting up a website in support of formula feeding but again, am afraid of backlash or god forbid, being “shut down” for discussing such a taboo subject.  Let me know your thoughts and your experiences.  I’d like to know if there are other’s out there besides Ellie and myself!  Thanks for listening.