What a difference a week makes

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 29, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Blogging, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 13 comments

One week ago today I had spent a night in hospital, having been admitted to the Maternity Inpatients ward at Peterborough City Hospital with a light bleed and “tightenings”. Due to my placenta praevia, the medical professionals didn’t want to take any chances. Unfortunately, they weren’t brilliant at communicating much of anything this to me. The ridiculously-lacking-in-bedside-manner-or-empathy-of-any-kind Consultant visited me on Tuesday morning and told me that they would be keeping me a day or two for monitoring and observation. I later learned, on Wednesday evening that, in fact, they were planning to keep me until my scheduled c-section date of 2 December. Funny how they managed to forget to mention this small detail.

My salvation during my 3 1/2 day stay, prior to our sudden delivery of Sam on Thursday night, was my BlackBerry and Twitter. There was a television in my bay, I had a magazine and a book to read but what got me through the highs and the lows; distracted me and entertained me was Twitter. Thanks to Twitter, I was able to have an personal midwife/doula to ask questions of (thank you @birthaffinity), I was able to maintain my Social Media Maven title for BritMums and I was able to distract myself from the boredom of being in hospital and having very few visitors.

Thanks to my WordPress App on my BlackBerry, I was able to use my thumbs to type out, edit and publish 5 blog posts to keep friends, family members, aquaintances and strangers up to date on our status. Again, this proved to be a real life-line as I had so much encouragement and well-wishes that I really felt special. It was rather novel to be the subject of attention in the Blogging World for a short time!

Today, however, was a slightly different story. I know, due to hormones, I’m a bit on edge. Fragile if you will. I’m tired (although thankfully not catatonic), sore, physically beat up and a bit stressed to be honest. I have continued to blog and tweet and share my thoughts, feelings and opinions as I always have done. This morning, however, for the first time I felt the need to turn off Twitter. I wrote a post last night about our choice to NOT breastfeed with Sam. The post itself was well received and the comments were encouraging and positive. No one cursed our choice or made me feel guilty. Until this morning. It wasn’t even the post that a couple of people commented about either!

Ironically, last night after I published my post, my breasts really started to feel sore. My milk was coming in. By bed time they were very painful and throughout the night continued to hurt and leak some. I really had no clue what to do so as with many things these days, I turned to Twitter. I knew that it might be a tricky question and one of those “TMI” tweets but hedged my bets that Twitter could offer up some advice. I received a couple of tweets that really surprised me and succeeded in making me feel bad about not breastfeeding. I felt like I was “wasting” my milk. I didn’t like feeling that way. I shouldn’t have taken those few tweets to heart so much as I also received quite a few other suggestions about what I could try to alleviate the pain and offering commiseration but I was gobsmacked and disappointed. I’m emotional and naive sometimes, I guess. And today I needed to turn away from the salvation that Twitter had become to me.

So today, I put my phone on charge and mostly ignored it. What had been my lifeline with the virtual world and a source of encouragement and support was not important enough for me today. Instead, I focused on my gorgeous baby Sam. I cuddled him and loved him and spent my time and energy on him. I enjoyed having Mark home with me today. We ate poached eggs on toast for breakfast, tidied Sam’s nursery (a job that went by the wayside when I was stuck in hospital) and talked.

We were visited by the community midwives today who weighed Sam and did routine checks on him (he’s getting on perfectly thank you very much) in addition to the dreaded heel prick test (waaaaaaaa Sam). They also removed my stitches and told me that I looked remarkably well thank you very much! We welcomed Ella home from a day at school, had Toad in the Hole for dinner and only had a few bouts of tears from Ella and from me today. Twitter may take a back seat for a few days. Life’s too short to let silly comments bring you down. I’ll continue to post and share our joys but for this week at least, the most important thing is not my Twitter stream.

Breastfeeding vs Formula: The Result

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 28, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 19 comments

As many of you know, we welcomed our newest addition, Bebe Sam, into our family on Thursday night. Throughout this, my second pregnancy, I’ve blogged about all things pregnancy related including my fears and issues with breastfeeding. In “Don’t Judge Me Too Harshly” I debated whether I needed to give breastfeeding a go and had some extremely reassuring comments from readers. So, would you like to know what we decided regarding feeding our Little Sam? I’m sure you’re waiting to know…

Well, if the picture above helps, we’ve chosen bottle/formula feeding. This time around we had prepared for either eventuality by purchasing bottles and a steriliser. I only was missing the formula as my rather impromptu stay in hospital stopped my nesting/shopping. I had studied up on “biological nurturing” and thought that might be my way forward but wasn’t totally sure. Whilst in hospital, twiddling my thumbs for 4 days as I did, I spoke with the midwives to find out if our hospital still provided mums/babies with small bottles of ready-made formula as they had when we were in for Ella’s birth. Due to the WHO initiatives and the guidelines of the NHS, I wasn’t sure if the hospital would even be permitted to dispense formula because they certainly aren’t permitted to promote it. Our hospital, Peterborough City Hospital, still provides formula for their mums/babies but there are plans to change this in the future. So at least, I knew that I didn’t have to bring my own steriliser and bottles to hospital to feed our child if that’s the method we chose.

When we were wheeled out of theatre on Thursday following Sam’s safe and positive c-section and installed in Recovery, I was asked by my midwife, which method of feeding I had chosen. I glanced at Mark, took a deep breath and said, “Well, we’re not totally sure but we may be formula feeding. Sorry.” The midwive then surprised the bejesus out of me by saying “Don’t you dare be sorry! That’s absolutely fine! You do what you need to do. I’m so sick of the guilt that is placed on new mums.” What a different message that was! Here I was expecting to have to defend my decision and apologise for the choice and I was being told by the midwife that whatever I chose was perfectly acceptable. How very refreshing.

We did have some skin-to-skin time, Sam and I and he did start to root around on my chest. The midwife asked if I wanted to try to breastfeed and I thought it might be an idea just to see what might happen. But then the grabbing of the boobs and shoving them into his mouth began and I wasn’t strong enough to shout, “Stoppit!” Sam was getting a bit upset and I was having flashbacks and I knew, that was it. My decision was made. Formula was the way forward. After giving Sam his first 20ml of formula I knew it was the right decision for us. He sucked it straight down and was happy, content and drunk. Sorted. Decided. Happy. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Due to our decision to formula feed, we had no badgering by lactation consultants or midwives or anyone. We were left to feel confident about our decision and celebrate going forward. None of the midwives passed judgement and almost all of them reiterated that they regretted the guilt that mums feel with regards to the breast versus bottle debate. This was, again, very refreshing and encouraging. I know the debate, been sucked into it myself but we have made the decision that is right for us, for our family and for our mental health. I know I could persevere and work hard to make breastfeeding work for us. My milk, today, has come in. Ow. I’m sure people will curse me and our decision. So be it. For us, this works.  Mark can, and does, take part in the feeding process which aids in his bond with Sam and gives me a break. Sam is healthy, thriving and enjoying his feeds. Yes, it’s a faff preparing bottles, sterilising, waiting whilst Sam is shouting but it’s what we’ve chosen and are happy and confident about it.

For us, formula/bottle feeding has won. I admire women who make breastfeeding work for them and applaud their perseverance and success. I just wish that everyone could do the same for whichever method of feeding a family chooses as no one needs to have any more pressure placed on them in this great adventure called parenting.

Silent Sunday 27 November, 2011

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 27, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Little Miss Adventures, NaBloPoMo, Silent Sunday | 15 comments

Saturday is Caption Day- Sam I Am!

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 26, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 16 comments

Sam’s First Saturday is Caption Day! What does this photo say to you??

Welcome to the World Sam

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 25, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 38 comments

Ella introduces Sam

Welcome to the world Sam (Samuel) David!

Bebe has become Sam! After 4 days in hospital, Sam decided that he would rather be a November bebe than a December bebe. So at 9:04pm on Thursday 24 November, Sam came to join the Cafe Bebe family through semi-planned c-section. Sam weighed 7lbs 15oz and passed his Apgar tests with flying colours. It appears Sam was ready to be welcomed into this world after all!

Sam is being an amazing Bebe, is very chilled out and making Mummy’s job much easier. Ella is THRILLED about her “Baby Sam” even though she always insisted that Sam was a girl. Ella got to meet Sam tonight for the first time. Ella gave Sam a Fisher Price seahorse to keep him company in his cot while Sam gave Ella a funky new lava lamp to decorate her new Big Girl Room. They are both thrilled with their respective gifts.

Mummy tolerated the planned c-section FAR better than Ella’s and in fact had an exceptionally positive experience this time around. A full report will follow soon.

In the meantime, the whole of the Cafe Bebe family are chuffed to bits and can’t wait to begin life as a family of four! Stay tuned for more news soon! Welcome to the world Sam! We’re so happy to finally meet you!

A Different View on C-Section

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 24, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 10 comments

A Different View

Yesterday there were guidelines released by NICE which effectively give the go-ahead for all women in the UK, potentially, to request an elective c-section regardless of medical necessity. This is not a “green light” to enable the “too posh to push” brigade but what it should do is open the door for discussion about the POSSIBILITY for an elective c-section.

There has been a ton of press and criticism about this change. There are many who are weighing in on the subject. Currently 25% of births in the UK end in c-section however only 10% of those are elective c-sections. What is supposed to occur in conjunction with these guidelines is increased services for women to counsel them through their fears about natural childbirth and as a last resort, a c-section could be offered.

I agree, women should not JUST be given the go-ahead to undergo major abdominal surgery on a whim. However, if they are provided w/ the services that are required for counselling and after careful consideration on the part of mother, consultant, midwives and counsellors, a c-section is deemed to be the best option for mother and baby, then it should be permitted and scheduled. If there is no medical necessity for a c-section and there are no other emotional grounds for it to be granted, perhaps mothers could be given the option of a c-section but have to pay for it?

The whole natural birth vs c-section debate is a controversial one. The whole of the UK is debating this one at the moment. One of the big complaints that opponents to c-sections have is that women have not considered the serious risks of having what is effectively major abdominal surgery. There is also another debate (with some “statistics”) about the effects of mother-child bonding as a result of a c-section delivery and concerns about the development of allergies in the future if babies are not born “naturally”. This is the area that I want to focus on because I have “been there, done that” one time and am preparing to do it again. I’d like people to be aware that a c-section does not have to be the horror that some people are making it out to be.

Ella’s delivery was by emergency c-section. After failure to progress, an emergency c-section was ordered. The emergency c-section was not pleasant and I’m still not entirely sure what went wrong but suffice it to say, we got Ella out and Mummy suffered a fair bit.

What didn’t happen, however, was a problem with bonding. The minute I saw Ella, I fell in love. Despite not being able to hold her in theatre, I looked into her big, dark eyes and fell head over heels in love. When I was taken into recovery, Mark was with Ella and we marvelled over what we had created. I was given skin to skin time with Ella and knew that she was the best thing I had ever done. Yes, the first 24 hours were difficult as I couldn’t get out of bed due to the catheter but I was able to lift Ella from her basinette, cuddle her and attempt breastfeeding.

By the next morning, I was able to get vertical and it was a very strange feeling. I felt like my stomach was going to fall off, basically. I had some pain but nothing that paracetemol couldn’t handle. I was shuffling around quite a bit but could still tend to Ella for everything she needed. When we finally went home 2 days later it was with no meds or major physical issues except for moving decidedly slower. I was able to do what needed doing without discomfort.

There were moments where I realised that I had stretched too far or fast but I was able to be back to mostly normal within two weeks. Pushing a pushchair was tricky at times and lifting it into the boot was out of the question. I couldn’t drive, based on insurance and medical recommendations but got by just fine. Ultimately, despite Ella’s c-section being of the emergency variety, I recovered very well and relatively quickly and didn’t suffer any bonding or depression issues. Ella arrived without incident, hasn’t suffered from allergies and has been a very healthy child for 3 1/2 years.

We survived an emergency c-section and recovered well. I don’t regret a thing. Due to medical necessity plus additional risk factors, I was immediately referred for consultant care for this pregnancy. The consultant was keen to steer me toward the VBAC mode of delivery but I was keen to steer toward an elective c-section. I had researched everything and am fully aware of all of the risk factors for an elective c-section. I presented my case and based on my risk factors and previous emergency c-section, the consultant agreed that an elective c-section seemed to be the best option. It wasn’t until week 36 and the news of a placenta praevia that we actually got a delivery date (2 December) which is, unfortunately, a date which seems to be set in stone at the moment.

What I resent in this debate is the idea that I am too posh to push or that I don’t know what I’m getting myself into and am just choosing the easy option. None of that is me. I know very well what I’m in for. I’m making an informed decision, taking ownership of our delivery and doing what I think is best for Bebe and me. I’m grateful to have this option with the NHS as we most definitely could not afford to go private. In fairness, I have a medically necessitated c-section but again, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I know recovery will be more challenging this time thanks to this being a 2nd c-section and having Ella to tend to as well but I will be sensible in what I do to be the best Mummy/Me I can be. A c-section is a serious procedure but it doesn’t have to be the nightmare that many are claiming it is. We had a very positive outcome with Ella and will hopefully have the same with Bebe.

Have you had a POSITIVE c-section experience that you’d like to share? Please share the link to your post in the comments below.

Hospital Report

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 23, 2011 in Bebe, Blogger Love, Motherhood, NaBloPoMo | 12 comments

Open Wide Mummy

Guess from where I’m writing this post? Ok, I’ll give you two guesses and one of them is NOT my comfortable abode! That’s right, from my hospital bed. I’m still here, still waiting, still wondering.

I managed to get some sleep in spurts last night which helped me to feel stronger this morning. I was put on a monitor around 8am to check Bebe’s HR and my contractions. Bebe was a bit sleepy at first but picked up more as time went on. I was continuing to have regular contractions that were uncomfortable but manageable. The contractions (or as the Consultant later labelled them: “tightenings”) were not enough to get anyone jumping like last night. Darn.

I struggled to get gluten-free toast for breakfast and had to educate the brekkie caterers that I knew full well what did and didn’t have gluten in it and Rice Krispies most definitely does have trace gluten in it (It really does!). Ding!

Eventually, around 11am the Consultant arrived along w/ 2 sidekicks. They bustled in and got straight down to it. Basically, nothing’s happening and unless it does over the next day or two at most they’re going to send me home to wait for the MAGIC date of 2 December. The contractions aren’t contractions but “tightenings” (Consultant is a man) and the bleeding (which is still happening) is more than likely just uterine irritation. The Consultant was definitely lacking in bedside manner & pretty much told me that it’s not my decision and there’s no medical necessity to bring the 2 December date forward unless things change dramatically. Ultimately I’ll be sent home to “wait and see”.

I questioned why we did the steroid jabs and the rather annoying and ouchie canula and was met with “just in case”.”Just in case” doesn’t seem to be happening however. I have continued to have spotting/light bleeding throughout the day but contractions or tightenings seem to have stopped altogether. I’ll be spending Tuesday night in hospital and will be seen by the humourless consultant et al in the morning some time. I’m hoping that if all does grind to a halt by the morning, they’ll at least send me home for the next 9 days to wait and see. I’d rather be waiting at home than hanging in hospital.

I do have to say, however, that the year-old Peterborough City Hospital is a very nice NHS hospital. The ward bays are FAR more spacious than the old hospital and 4 bays share a large toilet & shower room as opposed to having to walk down the hall for one like the old hospital. Aside from the breakfast caterers, the Lunch and Dinner menu has rather nice menu choices, many of which are gluten-free (and well labelled!). There is also a telly (free) and no restrictions regarding mobile use which suits me just fine! Peterborough City Hospital gets a thumbs up from me so far. And ultimately, if I do go home, it’s been a good reconnaissance mission for me. See, I can see the positive!

There we have it! Day two for the Hospital Report. I wish I had more progress to report but apparently Bebe is enjoying his/her stay more than I thought! I do try to be a good host. I’m just rubbish at eviction it seems. More reports to follow for all those who are interested in Bebe Alert 2011. For those who aren’t, sorry to disappoint, I’m a bit stuck on this topic for now.

If anyone has a special hospital “waiting game” story to share, feel free to add it in the comments below. I appreciate any sources of support I can get!