Finding my New Normal

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 29, 2011 in Bebe, Motherhood | 5 comments

Whew! I’m knackered! Being a mother to two is a lot harder than I anticipated. In fairness, I didn’t know what to anticipate, really. I thought life would carry on just as it had been. In some ways it has but in many ways it has changed dramatically.

We are starting to find our rhythm with regards to going out with TWO instead of ONE. I thank God for the fact that Ella is 3 1/2 because we don’t have to worry about carrying too much for her. We don’t need a change of clothes (or seven), nappies, dummies, pushchairs or blankets. She usually sorts out what she’s bringing (one of her 87 handbags and/or Baby Annabell or another stuffed toy of some sort) so we don’t have to sort much for her. But we are back to preparing a changing bag for every eventuality, forward-thinking to how many bottles/formula we will need and packing that and finally loading Sam into his car seat. Obviously, for those of you who’ve done it, this can take an hour or more. I did some serious foot-stomping yesterday when we were trying to leave the house to be somewhere for 11am. We ended up leaving the house at 11:20 and getting there just after 11:30. I HATE being late.

Next week will be the return to whatever “normal” is going to be. Mark will be going back to work on Tuesday, Ella will be going to school on Wednesday. It’s time to get out of the “I just had a baby” mode and get on with living. I need to start getting myself back into shape (gentle to start mind you…a walk around the village will be the first step), I need to get back to blogging and my freelance/social media work as well. BritMums needs me! Well, I’d like to think so anyway!

Physically, I feel that I am 1/3 of the way back to normal. I’m 5 weeks post-delivery and have made some good progress but also still feel quite odd in my lower-abdominal area. I’m going to the GP to see what’s what today. My fitness level is no where near where I would like it to be but I plan on “slow and steady wins the race”. I’m still living in leggings and loose tops/fleece sweatshirts. Who knows when this fashion faux pas will end?

Mentally I’m still in a bit of a fog. Blogging and social media aren’t even in the “back seat” at the moment…they’re in the boot! Nothing else seems quite as important as my boy and my girl and my hubby. I need to get back in the saddle though and hopefully find a new motivation for blogging besides my lovely family. If you’d like to see more of anything (or less), please let me know!

Emotionally, I have stopped crying at the drop of a hat. I have found, however, that my patience level is much lower. I get frustrated easily and don’t always cope well with that frustration. I’m hoping that by getting back into a “schedule” this will get better. I need to get Sam’s nursery sorted ONCE AND FOR ALL so that we can start to transition into it. As much as I have loved co-sleeping, and we have slept better for it, I feel that it is time to encourage a bit of independence in Sam. Independence from ME as I am the one who tends to virtually EVERYTHING. I love tending to virtually everything but that also has meant that I get virtually no time for me and Sam can’t settle very well without me. We’re going to work on this…any suggestions are more than welcome.

So, Cafe Bebe is open for suggestion and advice. Finding my new normal may be tricky…I need all the help I can get.

I’ve lost my girl

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 27, 2011 in Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood | 7 comments

I’m a bit sad. On Boxing Day, after a VERY long Christmas Day and too early rising in the morning, I suggested to Ella, at 3:30pm, that it was time to have a nap. Mark was holding Sam so I told Ella that I would take her up to her room and read her one of her new stories that she received for Christmas. She winged and cried and didn’t want to go. Mark said, “How about if Daddy takes you up to read to you?” and Ella snuggled up to him and said, “OK Daddy.” Weep. I’ve lost her. I’ve lost my girl.

Ella and I have always been close. This is mainly because we have spent virtually every minute together until Ella started school this year. Ella was always a “Mummy’s Girl” no matter what. This was most definitely the case whenever she wasn’t feeling well or if she hurt herself. This killed Mark. He hated that Ella turned to me. He wasn’t cross with either of us but wanted to be able to comfort her as well.

We’ve gone through fits of Ella being more of a Daddy’s girl but I never well and truly lost her until I went into hospital before Sam’s birth. In a sense, me going into hospital and being away from Mark and Ella for 6 days was a wonderful thing. Mark became her port of call. Mummy was relegated to “sloppy seconds” which, in some ways was good because it freed me up to tend to Sam. Mark has admitted that he finds it diffcult to cope with the “baby stuff” because it’s not as easy to solve a crying baby’s problems. Mark gets nervous when Sam starts crying which is understandable. Now he can solve Ella’s problems and feel valued and needed.

However, I feel like I have lost my girl. We clash a lot these days. My patience level is not what it used to be (can’t think WHY that might be???) and Ella’s listening ears seem to have lost their ability to function. I need to remember to give her some slack. I need to remember that Ella needs my time and attention as well. I need to remember to take special time for Ella and Mummy and let Daddy build a relationship with Sam. But in the meantime, I am a bit sad. I’ve lost a bit of my girl and would appreciate any advice or suggestions you could offer.

The Week According to Sam- Week Four

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 26, 2011 in Bebe, Motherhood, Week According to Sam | 0 comments

Week four of Sam’s life has been a busy one. Grandma arrived, Auntie Julie and the cousins arrived and Mummy lost her mind thanks to Christmas and the need to try to be more than she was capable of. Just your average week then!

Thanks to my inability to prepare for Christmas at the best of times, much less four weeks after giving birth, we needed to go out and about into the great, wide world to shop for anything we could find. The week kicked into high gear with a trip to the city Registrar to officially register Sam’s birth and get his birth certificates. This will allow us to get his British passport and start the process for registering Sam’s birth with the US Embassy in London and getting his US passport. It is unfortunate that there isn’t more pomp and circumstance to the Registration “ceremony”…it’s pretty special after all!

Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday we spent shopping in Peterborough. Sam is the most outstanding shopper that ever was! He falls asleep once in the car seat after a few minutes, we transfer him in his Snugglebundl into the Xplory pushchair and that’s about it for excitement as far as Sam’s concerned. He sleeps until I wake him up to change his nappy and feed him several hours later. Obviously the key to happiness as far as Sam is concerned is rolling transport. I may have to walk many miles in the coming months!

On Thursday we had a mini-Christmas party with Mummy Matters, Little Bean and Beanie Boy. What fun they all had! We can’t wait to have Sam join in on the fun in a few months. Friday was my Day of Meltdown, however. Faced with the prospect of driving my Mom, Ella, Sam and pushchair, etc. into Stamford for the day with it raining, I simply could not cope. Instead, I cried and stayed indoors thus getting nothing accomplished. How fabulous hormones are! But the real question is, how much longer will I be able to use hormones as an excuse?

On Friday night, Mark and I attended his work Christmas dinner at a restaurant in Stamford. It was nice for us to get out as a couple for the first time while my Mom babysat for the kids. I was very twitchy about 3 hours in and we only made it to 3 1/2 hours before heading back home. I was rather pleased to see my boy in the end. Phew! This is an accomplishment though. We didn’t leave Ella for at least the first six months of her life!

The weekend was filled with Christmas preparation and celebration. I got none of my goals accomplished and requested that Mark wrap the presents this year which was a genius plan. I did manage to get some pictures printed off to create presents for the family so that was one box ticked off. The breakfast dish, Muddy Flourless Cake and Rice Krispie treats, however, remain unticked to this day. Hey ho…next year maybe. Ella was thrilled beyond belief with all of the glee of Christmas while Sam remained placid, calm and asleep for a majority of the day. What a good boy! Everyone in the family commented on what a good boy he was. Proud mama moment there then!

We’re looking forward to the next 8 days of having Daddy at home with us and getting a few jobs done with Sam’s nursery. And maybe catching up on some sleep? Is there a better way to end the year?

And now, the week according to Sam- week four…

Sorry to say that I couldn’t resist putting a Santa hat on baby Sam while he slept!

Proud sister Ella with baby Sam at the Register office in Peterborough

This is how much Sam likes his Moses basket. As in, not at all. I’m looking forward to getting Sam’s crib reassembled to see if he feels any differently about that mode for sleeping. Sigh…

A very special Christmas celebration for some very special friends

Mummy tries to multi-task (see laptop in the background) while Sam does his best to distract her. Sigh…

Sam enjoys his Snugglebundl in his Xplory while Mummy, Daddy, Ella and Grandma tire out their feet with all of the walking and shopping

Daddy and his boy enjoying some quality time during Sam’s First Christmas at Nanny and Grandad’s

Another week of Sam amazing and delighting us, another week of Ella being an outstanding Big Sister and more excitement to look forward to in 2012.

Merry Christmas from Cafe Bebe

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 25, 2011 in Bebe, Blogging, Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood | 2 comments

We are very blessed this year to have our precious Sam join our wee Cafe Bebe family. This will be Sam’s FIRST Christmas and while he’ll never remember a bit of it, we’ll all be celebrating his safe arrival and getting in loads of cuddles.

Ella is thrilled to bits and beyond excited about this Christmas. The only challenge we had this evening, after putting her to bed, was her fear that Santa would come into her room. She needed plenty of reassuring that he could leave the presents without coming anywhere near her. Then she was satisfied. I can’t wait to hear her exclamations and comments tomorrow. I must remember to write them down.

Mark and I have had a pretty wonderful year, culminating with the safe arrival of our son Sam on 24 November (American Thanksgiving). We are grateful for every opportunity and gift that has come our way this year and never forget how lucky we are to be together.

I’d like to thank any and everyone who has managed to stop by Cafe Bebe in this, my second full year of blogging. The year has had its highs and lows from a blogging perspective but I am so pleased to have made it through another year with still more challenges ahead of me. I hope that you will continue to pop by Cafe Bebe from time to time (if not regularly) in 2012 to see what new adventures we get up to. I’ll try not to annoy you too much with endless pictures of my children or rant too much about too little. Stick with me though…I’m sure there will be a few good things to read about along the way.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a Rockin’ New Year!

Love,

Karin, Mark, Ella and Sam

Flashback Friday- 4 weeks ago

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 23, 2011 in Bebe, Flashback Friday, Motherhood | 0 comments

Today is a very short Flashback Friday to celebrate what occurred 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks ago yesterday our precious Sam joined the world and our Cafe Bebe family. What a wonderful addition to our lives he has been.

Thank you for bringing so much joy to our family little Sam. We all love you so!

Happy Christmas to all and to all a wonderful holiday week!

No More Dummy!

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 22, 2011 in Little Miss Adventures, Motherhood | 4 comments

Ella is 3 1/2 years old. She has had a dummy for 3 1/2 years. Until yesterday. The Dummy Fairy came to take her gnarled, skanky dummy for another child to use (What is up with the Dummy Fairy? Icky!). It’s a Christmas miracle!

Way back in the early days, I swore that I would not give my baby girl a dummy. And then one day she wouldn’t stop crying. I hadn’t even bought a dummy! But one came with the Avent bottle/steriliser set that we had purchased and I was desperate. I thought, “What the hey? Maybe it will help her?” and popped the dummy in her mouth. Suck, suck, suck, suck. And thus began 3 1/2 years of dummy saturated days and nights.

If Ella was going to have dummies, however, I was not going to give her “novelty” dummies. She was going to have the least obtrusive dummy I could find. We settled on Avent dummies with the clear centre-piece so that nothing could impede her pretty face. We managed to find these dummies for the majority of the 3 1/2 years until recently when we resorted to the Avent dummies with the red centre-piece when there was no other choice.

When Ella began school in January, we had a minor reprieve with the need for the dummy. Since she would be at school 3 days a week from 9:15-3:15, we decided to enact a “dummy embargo”. When Ella woke up, she was to put her dummy in a dummy “box” where it would stay for the day. She could have the dummy for naps and sleep at night and in the car. That was to be it. Full stop. Erm, oops.

I caved on too many occasions. Ella would slide up to me and say, in the sweetest voice, “I just want to snuggle up with you on the couch!” which was code for “Give me my dummy please, glorious Mummy”. And I would give in because it was easier. Ella is a very convincing girl, you know. Her negotiating skills have her being groomed to be a UN consultant for Middle East Peace Talks. I don’t think we’ll send her though.

We had receeded into a really bad habit of her having the dummy wayyyyyy too much again. She would walk around, playing and chattering away with the dummy in. I SWORE that I wouldn’t be one of “those” mummies. You know the ones. The ones with the four year old in the pushchair who still has a dummy in and is talking through the dummy. Well guess what? I was one of those mummies…minus the pushchair for Ella anyway. Bad Mummy!

The other day, Ella started having this annoying, tickly cough. It was disrupting her sleep at night which was disrupting our sleep at night. We have enough sleep disruption with Sam so we were keen to find a solution and quick! Suddenly, we realised that Ella’s cough seem to be ENCOURAGED by her sucking on her dummy. Without her dummy in her mouth for several hours there was not one cough that came out. Once her dummy went back in, suddenly she was coughing again. Could it be the dummy? We tried to convince Ella of that. She wasn’t having it. But then, on Tuesday night, well, really the EARLY hours of Wednesday morning, Ella woke up with a coughing fit. The dummy had gone AWOL in the bed somewhere. Ella wanted it but I couldn’t be bothered to find it for her. I decided to use the opportunity to encourage her to snuggle up to something else to replace the dummy. She howled. We somehow managed to get her in our bed with two of Sam’s cuddly toys (he doesn’t need them just yet) and she slept. Without the dummy.

When she woke in the morning, we told her that we couldn’t find the dummy. She was sort of OK with that. Before we left the house, I made sure that I found the wayward dummy and put it in a secret hiding place that only hubby and I knew about. All was going swimmingly until we got in the car. The car is where Ella has ALWAYS had her dummy. As Mark started to back out of the driveway, Ella screamed, “MY DUMMY!!!” and went into a total meltdown, albeit, contained in her car seat in the car. I was sitting in the back seat with her (thankfully) so I began my pitch for dummy resolution.

“You see, Ella, the Dummy Fairy came by last night. She told us that there was a poorly baby who needed your dummy so we gave your dummy to the Dummy Fairy for this poorly baby. You want the poorly baby to feel better and have a lovely dummy like yours right?” is how it went. Through the tears came a bit of understanding, some snuffling and grudging acceptance with the promise of a cuddly, snuggly blanket or toy to replace the dummy. The tears stopped, we continued on our journey and we had a good day…without the dummy!

I managed to find a really cuddly, soft puppy from Marks & Spencer which Ella has named “Sinji” (the name of our departed Black Lab whom Ella adored). She went to sleep without the dummy and without fuss for the first time in her 3 1/2 years. Result! It really is a Christmas miracle. Funny how these things just manage to happen!

Attention Santa: Ella has put down the dummy! Feel free to shower her with more presents now! I can also report that while Sam does occasionally use the dummy for comfort, he is, in no way as fixated on it as Ella was. Wish us luck! Did you manage to wrangle the dummy from your child? What worked for you?

Top Tips for Parents at Christmas

Posted by cafebebemama on Dec 20, 2011 in Motherhood | 1 comment

We’re a Pampers family. Yes, I know…disposable nappies! Horror! One of the main reasons that we are a Pampers family is down to the UNICEF Maternal and Newborn Tetanus campaign that Pampers has been a driving force in for the last 6 years. I have had the priviledge of participating in the awareness campaign for the last 3 years and wholeheartedly support their efforts and causes.

But Pampers is a lot more than nappies and wipes! Their Pampers Village site has loads of information and support opportunities for parents of all ages and experience. I’ve had the opportunity to speak to one of the Pampers experts this year in regards to Ella’s temper tantrums at the time. The information that she shared with me was invaluable and aided me (and my husband) a great deal in changing how WE approached situations with Ella.

The team of Pampers experts has some great advice to share with the blogosphere this Christmas season. Some top tips for parents at Christmas, if you will. Unfortunately none of them involve Bailey’s Irish Creme **darn**. Have a look at what these wonderful experts have to offer:

Pampers Top Tips for Christmas

Pampers understands that although Christmas is a happy and exciting time with a new or young family it can also mean over excitement, strain on relationships and lack of routine. That’s why the Pampers Village Parenting Panel experts have compiled their ultimate tips for an enjoyable festive season with baby – so everyone can treasure those wonderful Christmas memories.

Baby Development advice from Dr Maggie Redshaw:

• The first Christmas stocking is really exciting – bubbles to blow, finger puppets and small picture books are great for babies and parents. Interacting through play helps to facilitate conversation through facial expression, sounds and movement.
• Babies really enjoy wrapping paper and boxes at Christmas, and play with them as they would expensive toys so there is no need to spend a lot, but just take care about items that might not be so good to put in the mouth. A box can be a boat, car or den so use your imagination to bring games to life – this will help baby develop through social and make-believe play.
• Christmas is usually a time for lots of indoor play, but make the most of it when it’s bright and crisp to get out to the park to try a kick around with a ball or play in the leaves/snow – this will help baby to develop physically while having fun.

Sleep advice from Wendy Dean:

Christmas can be a disruptive time when you are trying to establish or stick to a baby sleep routine. Here are some tips to ensure that your baby will be asleep when Father Christmas arrives:

• Try and keep your bedtime routine consistent whether you are at home or at a relative’s house. Your baby will then be prepared for sleep, despite the excitement going on around them.
• If you do take your baby out in the evening to enjoy a Christmas festivity, do the bedtime routine at home, put them in pyjamas under their coat, feed at the normal times whilst you are out and then when you get home, your baby will be ready to be put directly to bed.
• Do a wind down routine in a quiet room before daytime naps so that your baby takes a break from the excitement and throngs of people to prepare for sleep.

Skin health advice from Dr David Atherton:

Winter is tough on everyone’s skin, but especially in the case of babies with naturally sensitive or dry skin. Consider the following:

• You can use a humidifier in baby’s bedroom – if you can, make sure it incorporates a hygrometer to shut it down when the humidity is optimal to prevent dampness.
• Apply a protective moisturiser to baby’s face and hands before leaving the house, and re-apply on your return (this one can apply to mum too!)
• Cover the skin when outside. Use gloves, a scarf and a hat to help keep baby’s skin protected and warm.
• Make sure your home isn’t too hot and dry, especially in baby’s bedroom. Turn down the boiler setting, make sure it is off at night and, if you can, get some house plants to help increase the humidity.

Health and fitness advice from Laura Williams:

• Try and resist the temptation to buy too many Christmas treats in the run up to the big day. Reduced price tins of chocolates, packets of mince pies and tubs of peanuts will be calling you after a long hard day and if you’re cold and tired, willpower alone might not do it. Put off stockpiling them for as long as you can, or stash treats in the car or even in the garden shed – this will make them trickier to access when cravings come calling.
• Have some sort of Christmas fitness plan. Pledge to just 15 minutes a day over the holidays to get your heartbeat raised. You don’t even need to lace up your trainers – a game of Hide & Seek could burn quite a few calories in a relatively short space of time with your toddler, while a long(ish) post-lunch walk (45-60 mins) with the family will burn off a small helping of Christmas pud.
• Try and curb your big eating days to just two or three over the Christmas period. For example, give yourself a green light to eat what you like on Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve and for the other days, try and practise moderation, e.g. say no to a mince pie and have a satsuma instead or swap a handful of peanuts for a handful of olives.

Pregnancy advice from Midwife, Mary Steen-Greaves:

• Take a relaxing bath with some lavender drops added to help you de-stress and a warm milky drink to help you have a good night’s sleep.
• Try not to over eat, especially late at night. Eat small meals frequently to help your digestion and keep spicy and fatty foods to a minimum.
• You will still need to wrap up to keep warm when outdoors even though you will feel warmer than usual due to your increased blood. Wear comfortable, sensible footwear to help you maintain a good posture and reduce the risk of slipping in the cold (possibly icy) weather.

Relationship advice from Denise Knowles:

• Involve toddlers in making presents and wrapping them. Taking time to make cards and gifts together helps build the bond between parents and child…it is fun too!
• Delegate as much as possible and ask family to provide elements of the festivities; they’ll feel part of your family and useful – and you won’t feel so stressed. Share the ‘chores’ too. And if you are pregnant, don’t feel guilty about relaxing and putting your feet up; you need to be a little self-indulgent.
• Discuss and stick to a budget for all of the Christmas festivities, presents, food and outings to avoid any disagreements in January when the bills start rolling in.
• Make some time just for you, it’s not selfish to take some time out and sit with a cuppa.

For more information visit the Pampers Village or connect with other mums and log onto the new Pampers UK & Ireland Facebook page.

Do you have some Top Tips to share for surviving the holiday season? With a 4 week old baby and a 3 1/2 year old toddler and a rather large family to join in with, I’ll need all the help I can get! Enjoy your prep for the weekend…I’ve got to get some Bailey’s, come to think of it. And a straw!