Pregnancy & Baby

Before and After

Posted by cafebebemama on Mar 2, 2010 in Motherhood, Pregnancy & Baby | 3 comments

Before Baby

Before Baby

BEFORE BABY…

• I used to have lie-ins until 10am on the weekend.
• My hubby would bring me tea in bed and we’d enjoy a cuppa together before getting ready for work.
• I worked as a teaching assistant dealing with unruly and difficult students who hated following rules.
• My house was far cleaner and tidier.
• There was far less clutter in our house.
• I was approximately 2 stone (28lbs) lighter.
• I walked for fitness and for fun.
• I spent money on things like books for myself and makeup or magazines.
• I NEVER WATCHED CBEEBIES or any other children’s television.
• I took a bath every day and was slightly better groomed.
• I never left the house without doing my hair and putting on lipstick and makeup.
• It didn’t matter when we went places, how long it would take to get there or where we went.
• I didn’t know the first thing about pushchairs!
• Blogging was not invented and who knew what Twitter was…it was something Ashton Kutcher did!
• Practical Parenting & Mother & Baby magazines stayed on the shelf while I purchased Health & Fitness
• Dr Seuss was a memory from my childhood.
• Milton wipes, nappies and a change of clothes were unheard of!
• My handbag was MINE.
• I took pride in my appearance and tried to look nice for my hubby.
• I thought I knew what love was.

After Baby

After Baby

AFTER BABY…

• A lie in meant sleeping until 7am after being woken up 3-4 times in the night.
• There’s no more tea in bed unless one of us is giving the other one a lie-in and we’re feeling particularly loving!
• I work at home all day with a delightful child who’s learning to test the “rules” but still makes me happier doing this “job” than any job I’ve ever had.
• My house is far messier and less tidy than ever before…and I don’t care!
• The amount of clutter is reaching epic proportions…never know when a cardboard tube might be useful!
• I am approximately 2 stone (28lbs) heavier and find very little motivation to do anything about it.
• I walk to restore my faith in the world and give my Little Miss some fresh air & sunshine (when it manages to make an appearance).
• I spend money on things like wipes, nappies, sippy cups & children’s books.
• I never see anything other than Cbeebies during the daytime hours.  If a major news event happens, unless it’s to the Piplings in Waybuloo, I’ll have no clue about it until well after the fact!
• I sometimes resort to a “sink bath” to get out of the house faster.  A short glance in the mirror is all I get these days.
• I have left the house without makeup and I now only wear lipbalm and the occasional swipe of lipgloss and very minimal makeup…I look tired and a bit older.
• We now plan out where we are going based on its family-friendliness and when a nap might come into play.
• I know far too much about pushchairs and have approximately 8 in my house at the moment! (I test and review them for MadeForMums website)
• Blogging is a life-line and a source of “work” for me and I am a PERSONA on Twitter (Klout ranking, thank you very much).
• The Dr Seuss ABC book is a firm favourite as is “Run, Run, It’s Scary Poo”!  Who knew!
• You should see what’s in my bag!
• My handbag is Little Miss’ (but I quite like it to tell you the truth).
• I forget what my appearance should look like but my husband still seems to fancy me!  Thank goodness!
• I now know what love is…an unconditional, beautiful thing that changes and grows every day.

The inside of me is a vision of loveliness thanks to my daughter and husband.  The OUTSIDE of me is not.  Anyone who would like to help me with this is welcome to contact me!  What do you do to retain YOU after baby?  I’d love your advice and tips.

I Have Not Failed

Posted by cafebebemama on Nov 16, 2009 in American Mum Me, Motherhood, Pregnancy & Baby | 25 comments

This is my gorgeous daughter when she was just hours old.  She looks quite peaceful there, doesn’t she?  But this was a lull in a rather rocky start together.  After an overnight stay for induction at 41 weeks +5 days which led to 27 hours of non-productive labour, an Emergency Caesarian and a massive loss of blood on my part we didn’t get that DREAM BIRTH that most mothers wish for.  The skin-to-skin and immediate latching on never happened.  Actually, the latching on never, ever happened.

I blame so many things for our failure lack of success.

1. I had copious amounts of drugs (and not the good kind) during my failure to progress labour.  I was started on a Syntocinon drip and an epidural within minutes of each other and was on them for just over 12 hours.  I was physically sick during labour and during delivery.  Something was wrong with the drugs they were giving me as whilst on the operating table in theatre I began to feel quite a lot of things AND began moving my legs!  Go figure!  Apparently my subconscious wanted out of there.  They topped up everything to keep me still and semi-conscious.
2. My Little Miss was perfectly content to NOT feed in the first hours that we were together.  Perhaps it was the drugs in her system as well but she was happy to lay there and look around.  She slept off and on but was not motivated to have breakfast, lunch or tea.
3. Having just had an Emergency C-section and massive blood loss, I wasn’t in the best of physical states to sit properly and feed like most women are able to.  When I was finally able to get into a more upright sitting position in my bed, I was so uncomfortable and tense that there was no way I could relax which I know Little Miss felt.
4. Little Miss was born the first week of June.  It ended up being practically the HOTEST week of the young summer and I was ensconced in a hospital (rhymes with Schmeterborogh) with no air conditioning or climate control of any kind.  I was sweaty (not only from ghastly heat and humidity but from the fluid loss of a recently delivered Mama as well), hot, sticky and uncomfortable.  As I couldn’t get out of bed for the first 24 hours, I couldn’t shower or do anything to make myself happy and human.  In addition to the heat, there was no fan and I was on a ward with 3 other women who had also had c-sections the same morning as I.  I was in the bed the farthest from the window and the closest to the door.  There was no privacy and while I kept pulling the curtains to try to maintain a bit of modesty, the midwives kept tugging them open so they could see how we were getting on.  Just what I wanted in my failure and miserable state…an audience!
5. I was used and abused by militant midwives, lactation consultants and various and sundry other professional trying to get me to do what I was meant to do…feed my baby.  I’ve never had such manhandling of my breasts!  And not the good kind!  It seemed that the goal was to get Little Miss to scream, which opened her mouth wide, and then rapidly shove her little head onto my boob to get her to latch on.  Does this seem like the proper tactic for successful breastfeeding?  I’m thinking, no.  Every few hours one of the breastfeeding militia would pop their head in, ask how I was doing (usually to a tearful response of “Not very well”) and the routine would be repeated again.  I was instructed to self-express and given a tiny cup to catch anything that came out.  Do you think I could even fill the bottom of this teeny, tiny cup?  No!  I barely had a drip coming out.  They brought me a breast pump which succeeded in dragging even less out of me and giving me sore breasts and nipples.  Great!  Every time we tried, we failed.  Little Miss got stressed and upset, I was stressed and cried and no one got any sustinance.

My poor husband, in all of this, just rubbed my back and encouraged me to do whatever was necessary to get Little Miss fed.  Eventually, in despair and without breastmilk or success, I threw in the towel, broke down and asked for formula for Little Miss.  She inhaled the formula and finally slept for just about the first time since she entered the world.  This was on day two of her life!  On the day I was due to be released, the only way they were going to let me leave the hospital was if I made a firm decision on how I was going to feed Little Miss.  If I was going to try to persevere with breastfeeding, I had to stay in hospital to get help.  If I was going to formula feed, I could go.  I was exhausted, ill and miserable.  I chose formula so we could go home and get well.  I never looked back.  Little Miss has been exclusively formula fed for her entire young life and is probably one of the healthiest babies I know.  She has never suffered for being formula fed and I don’t regret the decision one bit.  I felt a failure because I could not do what I should have been able to do for her but I have finally come to terms with that as well.  I honestly don’t think I WAS meant to breastfeed Little Miss.  My breasts just wouldn’t cooperate.  When my “milk” finally came in about 5 days after Little Miss was born, I had about 2 days of very inflated, hard breasts, some minor dribbles and that’s it…gone.  I know breastfeeding supporters would say that had I persevered and breastfed or expressed, my milk production would have been normal as it’s a “supply and demand” sort of thing, but I don’t know.  I just don’t think my boobs were meant to work that way for some reason.

I finally felt like I could tell this story because of a very brave blogger called Ellie who blogs at Insomniac Mummy.  She tried harder than I did and was able to breastfeed some but ultimately had to call it a day and choose to formula feed as well.  What I have troubles with, in this country, is the virtually total lack of support that is present for mums who choose formula feeding for WHATEVER reason.  There are laws, guidelines and regulations which prohibit the promotion of formula brands, formula feeding education and midwives/health visitors and other health professionals from sharing education about proper formula/bottle feeding practises.  I believe that this had led to a severe lack of consistent information which causes a great deal of confusion in the minds of parents.  How many scoops of formula to how many ounces of water?  How long does the water have to be cooled for before pouring it into a sterilised bottle?  Can I make up feeds ahead of time?  How long can I store a feed when out and about?  Does the water go in first or the formula?  You get mixed messages through whichever source you turn to.  If you check out the main formula manufacturers websites in the UK, you have to click through a disclaimer stating that you are taking it upon yourself to accept the information presented on the website!  What’s that for?  They have to state that the best form of feeding is BREASTFEEDING but if you choose to abandon what is recommended, be it on your head that you’re seeking formula education.  Of course, they don’t actually SAY that last part, but it’s implied.

I just wish that there could be EQUAL education about all forms of feeding so that there isn’t a feeling of FAILURE if you can’t do what is so heavily promoted.  There are breastfeeding support groups, coffee mornings and mums clubs which meet to support mums.  Where are the groups for formula feeders?  What if you’re a young mum who doesn’t have a wealth of information at her disposal and can’t breastfeed or chooses not to?  If you over or under feed your baby you could very well bring on a trip to the hospital and endanger the life of your precious baby?  When I was born, breastfeeding was frowned upon in the US.  Formula feeding was the way forward.  Is the tide going to turn again 10-15 years from now?

I’m not against breastfeeding, by any means.  I think, if you are able to manage it and do it comfortably and happily, that’s brilliant and amazing.  I hear far too many horror stories, however, of how painful it is and how they sat and cried while their baby fed!  I know those women probably weren’t feeding properly or there was something else wrong but it seems to me that the feeding/bonding process should be one of pleasure and comfort versus stress and pain.  I never felt a lack of bonding with Little Miss because I was holding a bottle to her mouth and not a breast.  I do wish that there could be more support for those of us who chose formula feeding and that there wasn’t such a stigma attached to formula feeding today.  We’re all trying to do the best for our children and while I’m more than aware that “breast is best”, it’s not possible for everyone.  No new or experienced mum should ever be made to feel like they are a a failure because they’re not.  They’ve just chosen differently and different is not bad…it’s just different.

It’s taken me a lot to write this post (and I know it’s a long one) as I am afraid of backlash.  But I feel that it’s important to share and maybe change someone’s opinion or open someone’s eyes.  I hope that comments will be kind.  I have even considered starting up a website in support of formula feeding but again, am afraid of backlash or god forbid, being “shut down” for discussing such a taboo subject.  Let me know your thoughts and your experiences.  I’d like to know if there are other’s out there besides Ellie and myself!  Thanks for listening.

Pampers Gift of Life

Posted by cafebebemama on Oct 1, 2009 in Blogger Love, Pregnancy & Baby | 8 comments

Imagine this:  You’re heavily pregnant with your fifth child and are living in Africa.  You’re not living in a flat or a lovely house with running water.  You’re living in a hut with a dirt floor, difficult living conditions and less than hygienic medical clinics which are hours away over challenging terrain.  You go into labour.  There’s no one to help you so you go it alone, give birth, cut the umbilical cord with as clean a knife as you can find.  One of the rituals of your tribe is to rub the soil, which happen to be full of germs, dung and ashes, into the umbilical cord of your newborn child.  Unbeknownst to you, your precious newborn baby is immediately infected with tetanus, a deadly disease caused by bacteria that lives on dead and decaying matter in soil, animal dung and faeces, usually begin with the contamination of an open wound.

When the bacteria enter an open wound they begin to work as a nerve toxin (poison), affecting the central nervous system and causing painful and uncontrolled muscle spasms. Tetanus can cause one of the most painful deaths known to man.  Newborn tetanus strikes rapidly. A newborn infected with tetanus may appear perfectly healthy. Symptoms usually appear from three days after birth, when the baby’s jaw and facial muscles may tighten due to the tetanus poison. The baby’s mouth will continue to grow more rigid so that it becomes “locked” (thus the name “lockjaw” given to tetanus) and the newborn will no longer be able to breastfeed. The newborn’s body may stiffen or arch and he or she may convulse when stimulated by light, sound or being touched. Finally, the newborn may no longer be able to breathe and will therefore die.

Maternal and newborn tetanus are completely preventable through immunisation and hygienic birth practices. Tetanus Toxoid (TT) is a safe and inexpensive vaccine that not only protects women of childbearing age against maternal tetanus for three years but also passes on protection through maternal antibodies via the placenta to their babies. Two doses of the tetanus vaccine are needed to protect the woman and any baby born to this woman during a 3 year period. The baby is protected for its first 2 months of life.

A newborn receiving their first tetanus vaccination

I had the honour of attending a very special press conference in London on Monday where some amazing UK bloggers were privy to the launch of the 2009 Pampers-UNICEF campaign for maternal and newborn tetanus vaccinations.  Natascha McElhone, star of the films “The Truman Show”, “Ronin” and “Solaris” and the hit US television show “Californication”, is the 2009 celebrity spokesperson for the Pampers-UNICEF campaign.  She shared her experiences after visiting Angola earlier this year.  Natascha comments, “As a mother in the UK, I’ve never had to think about the devastating effect of tetanus. However I was shocked to learn that it is still killing thousands of mothers and their babies in less industrialised countries. Once newborn tetanus has been contracted there is no real cure and within days of exposure it can lead to a fast and painful death. I am proud to be supporting the Pampers-UNICEF campaign to help eliminate newborn and maternal tetanus and give these women and their babies a chance to live a happy, healthy life”.  Natascha shared some amazing stories about the conditions these proud and brave African woman are enduring and was even present during labour and delivery of some babies.  The reason the African women had made it into the health clinics was due to the unending efforts of the “social mobilisers” (health visitors) who work tirelessly and voluntarily to educate and inform the Angolan women of the dangers of unhygienic birth practices and the vital importance of the tetanus vaccinations both for mother and baby.

Natascha McElhone, Pampers-UNICEF spokeswoman

Pampers has joined forces with UNICEF for the fourth year running as part of its ongoing dedication to helping eliminate maternal and newborn tetanus by 2012.  Since the start of the campaign in 2006, thanks to the support of mums in the UK and around the world, Pampers has provided the funding for a life-saving dose of the Tetanus vaccine for a mother and her baby every two seconds. This amounts to over 200 million tetanus vaccines donated to UNICEF.  This year, together with the support of UK mums, Pampers is hoping to raise the funding for a further 100 million vaccines to help UNICEF eliminate this deadly disease history.

You are now probably wondering, “what can little old me do”?  Well, it’s immensely simple.  During the months of October, November and December of 2009, for every pack of Pampers nappies and/or wipes purchased with the logo “1 pack = 1 life-saving vaccine”, Pampers will provide the funding for one life-saving vaccine to help protect both mother and baby.  That’s it!  All you have to do is buy a pack of Pampers nappies or wipes with the logo “1 pack = 1 life-saving vaccine” and you have effectively saved a life.  “Uh, pardon me…we don’t use Pampers!” you say?  Well, guess what?  Maybe for a month, you could?  Or maybe you could buy a pack for a friend who does use Pampers!  And if you really can’t use Pampers nappies, go for their wipes!  That will count as well.  It couldn’t be simpler, really.  What are you waiting for?

In addition to purchasing nappies and wipes, you can feel free to donate through www.pampers.co.uk or better yet, click on the badge below my RSS coffee cup feed button.  You’ll be immediately re-directed to the Pampers-UNICEF campaign page to make a donation for an amazing cause.  And if you’re really feeling generous, YOU’LL PASS IT ON!  Pass on “the gift of life” to your friends, family, acquaintances, bloggers, random strangers.  Encourage them to donate by setting an example and challenging them to do the same.  If we all make a little extra effort in the next three months, that goal of 100 million vaccines and elimination of tetanus by 2012 will be obliterated.  Give the gift of life this year; make a difference.

Despite the fact that it is completely preventable through an inexpensive vaccination, over 128,000 babies in less industrialised countries will not live to see their first birthday every year due to the disease and it’s not just babies – thousands of women will also die from maternal tetanus.

To make a donation towards the Pampers and UNICEF tetanus campaign that will help to reach more children around the world or for further information about the campaign please visit www.pampers.co.uk or www.unicef.org.uk/pampers

Natascha McElhone & the Midlands Bloggers

Natascha McElhone admiring the Lovely Little Miss

Little Miss & her amazing Godmother enjoying the press conference

Natascha McElhone sharing her experiences