Conflicted over Co-Sleeping
I have a very snuggly baby boy. He adores being held and I indulge that pretty much all of the time. I wrote a post a few weeks ago called Giving Co-Sleeping a Try. Sam has taken to co-sleeping like a duck to water. We lay down on our sides, facing each other and he snuggles right into me and sleeps SOLID for up to 4-5 hours! I sleep as well! I’ve never been a good sleeper…I sleep very lightly so everything wakes me up. But, fortunately, with Sam next to me, I do manage to sleep and feel rested when woken up for a 3am feed or 7am feed. Co-sleeping definitely has its benefits!
My challenge, however, is that Sam needs holding pretty much all of the time. He’s become more attached to me (physically) than ever and while I adore it and don’t believe in the “Gina Ford” method, it does make getting things done tricky. We now have a Baby Bjorn carrier which really suits us both. The last two mornings I have worn it to take Ella to school and then Sam and I have gone for our morning walk around the village. He falls asleep and when we get home, I have continued to “wear” Sam in the carrier for an hour or more while he sleeps. I’ve been able to eat breakfast, type posts, reply to emails and even tidy the kitchen while “wearing” Sam.
What I am worried about is that Sam is becoming unable to soothe himself without being near/on me. I want to be able to put him down and let him “play” without having to hold him or hover over him all of the time. Don’t get me wrong, however. I am not wanting to “get rid” of Sam, I am just wanting him to be confident without me. I know I may be asking a lot of a 6 week old so I need some “expert” opinion on whether I am expecting too much.
What I would like to accomplish is to get Sam used to being put down in his Moses Basket and spending some time, during the day, for naps. He’s never been particularly keen on his Moses Basket so we may have an uphill battle here. I know all of the tips for success:
- Hot water bottle in the Moses Basket to warm it before putting him down
- A shirt or cloth that I have worn, with my “scent” to comfort him
- Swaddling
- Fully darkened room
- Put him down somewhat awake so he can learn to go to sleep himself
Can anyone recommend anything else? Something you’ve tried that worked? I know I probably have to toughen up and just bite the bullet. What I don’t want is for ME to be the only person who can soothe Sam. While I am his primary, pretty much exclusive caregiver at the moment, he should be able to go to his Daddy or Nanny without putting up too much of a fuss. I should be able to go to the bathroom without wearing Sam. Or sit at the laptop without rocking! Again, am I expecting too much of a 6 week old? It’s been so long since Ella was at this stage! I’ve forgotten.
I have adored co-sleeping. Sam sleeps so well and it’s really lovely actually. But, I would like to be able to go to bed when I want to go to bed. I would like to claim my bed back for Mark and myself. I appreciate our good sleep pattern that we have developed and I know that when Sam is on his own in his nursery (Moses Basket or Crib), I will be getting up and have much more broken sleep. But I feel conflicted over co-sleeping right now. Even though it’s working well for us, I still have these concerns.
Thoughts? Opinions? Commiserations? Tell me off?
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Bless him he’s so adorable!
Maybe so young you are hoping for something a bit unrealistic, but that said I had real problems with Ruby (now nearly 4) settling herself and being left.
We co-slept as i was breastfeeding -are you? She hated her crib but would sleep happily in the cot part of her pram, so we removed it from the chassis and she slept in that for months!
i found she napped better with some background noise – the radio, the TV, even the hoover!
Hope you get some useful and supportive advice. x
I have no idea what to tell you, but I’ll definitely be coming back to see if anyone else can suggest something! At 11 months, I am STILL cosleeping with Dexter, and he cannot self soothe AT ALL. Nothing works to keep him away from me at night.
That said, next week we’re headed to America and leaving him with my parents for a week while we go on a Caribbean cruise… so it’ll be interesting to see what happens when only grandma is there to soothe him!
Good luck, hon. I hope you can have the best of both worlds.
I co-sleep with my baby as well and he’s 7 months old now. Normally after he’s fed he’ll roll off so he’s not quite sleeping right next to me anymore, where he used to use my breast as a pillow after he fed on it!
I never used a carrier although it’s benefits, because I was worried that I’ll be holding him too much and he’ll ended up clinging onto me. So when he was still young, I got him to sleep in my arms, then I wait until he’s in deep sleep (approx 20 mins after he fell asleep) before I put him down in his basket. The waiting really helps.
At the moment he’s quite happy to sit in his ring (a bit like a baby pool) and his rocking chair while I do my baking (although he needs to be in the same room).
My daughter who’s almost 4 still sleeps in our room but in her own bed, so I suppose it’s not too bad (wish my hubby won’t sleep with her everytime she ask him to protect her lol) We just need to get our rooms decorated and move her into her own, which is our fault really, dragging on hehe.
If you think co-sleep can help u sleep in the night which is really needed, stick to it. You can wean him off later when u wean him off from milk. I’m not sure about the carrier though, perhaps use it less frequent? I know you’ll probably be able to do less but housework can wait
x
I co-slept with my daughter – more because we lived in a very small 1 bed until she was 2 yrs and 3 moths old. She would climb out of her cot and jump into bed with me and often I would be asleep!. She is now 3 years old and still sleeps with me although she has her own room. If her dad puts her down she will go in her own room but only after falling asleep in our bed. It does mean that hubby ends up on the sofa a lot but i’m happy in that my daughter is happier. As for how long i will let her do it i’m not sure. I’ve spoken to a lot of people about this and the majority have said she will go and use and stay in her own room once she is ready.
We shall see!
I never co-slept with my boys because I am a horrid sleeper. I could never sleep for long periods with them in bed with me. I would nurse them at night and put them back in their crib. My Eli (Ella’s age, remember?) was a terrible sleeper and was up every 1-2 hours at night for the first 6 weeks. He slowly got better at sleeping, but by 6 months, when I believe a healthy baby is capable of long stretches of sleep but may be getting up not because they’re hungry, but simply out of habit at that age, I started letting him cry it out some. But both of my boys were huge snugglers and wanted to be held constantly, which is what I did until they were 2 months old, or so, and then I gradually weaned them from me some so I could try and resume a normal routine. I nursed both my boys, so that definitely made them dependent only on me for they’re care. That became difficult at times, but by the time I weaned them from nursing (16 months for Dylan and 2 yrs. for Eli), they immediately became independent boys. I do think your little Sam is at that mama snuggle stage, and is probably just not ready to be not held. I think you’re doing everything just right! If carrying him on you works, do it! Dozens of cultures of women worldwide carry their babies on them for years! I have no advice on the co-sleeping, as I never did it. I would say, the sooner he’s out of your bed, the better (if that’s what you want). The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to get him out! Good luck!
Karin
I did the co-sleeping and baby wearing hippy mummy thing at the beginning too, as it worked for us. I believe in the ’4th trimester’ – i.e. that baby needs an adjustment period of 3 months or so to get used to being outside the womb.
When my son was about 4 months old I started to get more of a bedtime routine with him sleeping in his own cot. So don’t worry that you haven’t got this sorted yet.
Good luck!
Ruth
I breastfed Youngling until he was almost 6 months old so we half co-habited and half left him in the Moses basket then the cot. He has always been a restless sleeper but nothing prepared me for when he got older. He refused to sleep on his own and especially after Doo moved out. he is still in with me (he’ll turn 3 in March) and I miss my bed at times but love the snuggles too. I put him in his own (newly decorated room) and he’ll go off for a while but then he will come to my room as soon as the house falls quiet. I would suggest getting Sam into a routine of settling by himself (controlled crying may be too early to try but its an option for when he gets a bit older). You have to listen to yourself and your son and do what’s best for all of you. Good luck xx
I co-slept with first until 7 months and now second. I keep meaning to put him down for sleeps in the day but illness and teethin have so far gotten in the way.
Some babies don’t like the restriction of a Moses basket and will sleep better in a cot you could give this a go perhaps. Also, have you tried having him in a sleeping bag before he falls asleep so he doesn’t notice a change in temperature. My boys like the corner of light material blanket or muslin square touching their cheeks when they sleep too.
I think with Sam being so young still, if you are happy to continue as is then you could let him get away with it little longer
I had the exact same things happen with my son. I found it takes time, from about 6 weeks I would swaddle him in his crib with white noise playing on my phone. You can get lots of free apps with it. Same time everynight I would do this and go to bed myself then he would wake around four hours later and I would co sleep the rest of the night. Till about 12 weeks he finally got used to the routine and now sleeps all night in his cot at 21 weeks stirs for a feed then straight back down. Sometimes we have a bad night and back to sleeping and hes fine the next night. As for naps I have always put him down as soon as he nods off upstairs and now he’ll sleep a good few hours in the afternoon.