Lessons Learned after 13 days as a 2nd time Mum

Dec 7, 2011 by cafebebemama

Well, here we are. Sam will be two weeks old tomorrow however TODAY is his actual, original due date. We’ve had an amazing two+ weeks and are starting to get used to life as a family of four. I wrote a post a while back entitled, Am I insane to think life won’t change much?. Everyone was quite polite in suggesting that we’d find our way and settle into a routine, etc, etc, etc. The real problem I managed to forget about was the fact that I would be recovering from a c-section. Minor issue…not. So here are some of the lessons I have learned after 13 days as a 2nd time Mum:

• It is indeed possible to love your 2nd child as much as your first. From the minute I looked into Sam’s little eyes, I was totally in love. That rubbish about not bonding with your baby post-c-section? Just that, rubbish.
• Sleep is over-rated but necessary. I still haven’t caught up on it. It is amusing how pleased you can be when you get 2-3 hours of solid sleep. Or how you consider it a small victory if you can catch a nap during the day time. No wonder sleep deprivation is a form of torture in prisoner-of-war situations. You know you’re a little too far gone when you can’t quite remember the name of your newest child or when you call him “Sid” (Hubby). As long as you can laugh about it though…
• Poo is exceptionally important. From your baby. When they aren’t pooing. One should also trust one’s instinct and not that of your crap community midwife when one thinks that maybe changing formula is a good idea due to the fact that your son is not pooing like a rock star. Also, it is possible to do a happy dance over the weaniest bit of poo and notify friends and family about it. You could only appreciate this if you are a parent.
• In regards to poo, it is fun to come up with new words in anticipation of the giant poo you’re hoping to see: poonami, poosaster, pooicane, poomaggedon, thunderpoo, poosplosion…feel free to add your own!
• As much as your first born adores her sibling, the change that the new baby brings into your lives is difficult. Expect tantrums, tears and whinging. This only lasts for a few days (in the best cases) but it will, indeed happen.
• When your body tells you to slow down, you really should listen to it. This is particularly appropriate when you are recovering from a c-section. You must remember: you have just had MAJOR abdominal surgery. You will get no awards for bravery and in fact, will hamper your recovery if you push it. The floor does not need mopping (on hands and knees even which I may or may not have done), it is not a contest to see how many things you can tick off as accomplishments. If you can manage to get all people dressed you have achieved enough.
• People kind of forget that you need looking in on/after with a 2nd pregnancy. I think most people assume that since you’ve “been there, done that” you won’t need as much attention/care. We only received a handful of “Congratulations” cards and a few (albeit lovely and very much appreciated) presents for Sam. Not a single bouquet arrived for me (yes, I know I sound whingey). The sooner you lower your expectations regarding attention and pressies in a 2nd pregnancy, the better.
• If you can make arrangements to have meals in the freezer or a family member to make a few meals for you to have on offer, great! You simply will not feel like cooking or baking. Pick up some ready-meals if necessary or make double portions of Cottage Pie or Bolognaise sauce to freeze. Also, MOST DEFINITELY sort out online grocery delivery BEFORE your delivery date. The sooner you have orders established the better. I am suffering from NOT having done this ahead of time. Hubby keeps popping to the store to pick up bits and bobs which is costing us more than a proper shop. It is my goal to get this sorted FINALLY this week.
• There’s nothing quite so precious as newborn cuddles. It is not possible to spoil your baby. You probably will suffer from greater sleep deprivation if you spend most of your time with your baby sleeping on your chest but this is a small price to pay. You will NEVER get these moments back. Cherish them, take advantage of them. When they are running to get away from you in a few years you will have these memories to look back on.
• BREATHE. When your 3 1/2 year old is pushing the boundaries and wanting and needing your attention while you are holding the baby and trying to get dinner ready, stop and BREATHE. Don’t take it out on your toddler. Take the time to understand what they are going through and give them the attention they deserve as well.
• It is possible to turn your “Mummy’s Girl” into a “Daddy’s Girl” in a short space of time. Due to my hospital stay prior to having Sam and Mark’s days off last week, Ella has well and truly become Daddy’s girl. Mark has been the one she calls for now; Mark does her bedtime routine; Mark is who she’s had to turn to. And this is a very good thing indeed. Ella was FAR too dependent on me and she needed to NEED her Daddy more. I know he is grateful for this new relationship with his daughter. And it gives me more time with Sam in these early days as well. I know we will need to work to balance our time with both children but for now, this is a great bonus.
• Blogging, social media and an online presence becomes FAR less important the minute a teeny, gorgeous baby enters your life. I have managed to go several days without opening the laptop! I have taken a bit of “maternity leave” from BritMums (fear ye not, I’ll be back!) and have realised that the most important thing is these three people under my roof. This is one of the best lessons I have learned and one that everyone else needs to remember. What is my line? “STEP AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP!” Enjoy your family, enjoy the holidays and enjoy yourself. Life’s too short to be wasted.

Now, it’s time for me to get back to my son and work on creating that poonami we’re hoping for!