Breastfeeding vs Formula: The Result
As many of you know, we welcomed our newest addition, Bebe Sam, into our family on Thursday night. Throughout this, my second pregnancy, I’ve blogged about all things pregnancy related including my fears and issues with breastfeeding. In “Don’t Judge Me Too Harshly” I debated whether I needed to give breastfeeding a go and had some extremely reassuring comments from readers. So, would you like to know what we decided regarding feeding our Little Sam? I’m sure you’re waiting to know…
Well, if the picture above helps, we’ve chosen bottle/formula feeding. This time around we had prepared for either eventuality by purchasing bottles and a steriliser. I only was missing the formula as my rather impromptu stay in hospital stopped my nesting/shopping. I had studied up on “biological nurturing” and thought that might be my way forward but wasn’t totally sure. Whilst in hospital, twiddling my thumbs for 4 days as I did, I spoke with the midwives to find out if our hospital still provided mums/babies with small bottles of ready-made formula as they had when we were in for Ella’s birth. Due to the WHO initiatives and the guidelines of the NHS, I wasn’t sure if the hospital would even be permitted to dispense formula because they certainly aren’t permitted to promote it. Our hospital, Peterborough City Hospital, still provides formula for their mums/babies but there are plans to change this in the future. So at least, I knew that I didn’t have to bring my own steriliser and bottles to hospital to feed our child if that’s the method we chose.
When we were wheeled out of theatre on Thursday following Sam’s safe and positive c-section and installed in Recovery, I was asked by my midwife, which method of feeding I had chosen. I glanced at Mark, took a deep breath and said, “Well, we’re not totally sure but we may be formula feeding. Sorry.” The midwive then surprised the bejesus out of me by saying “Don’t you dare be sorry! That’s absolutely fine! You do what you need to do. I’m so sick of the guilt that is placed on new mums.” What a different message that was! Here I was expecting to have to defend my decision and apologise for the choice and I was being told by the midwife that whatever I chose was perfectly acceptable. How very refreshing.
We did have some skin-to-skin time, Sam and I and he did start to root around on my chest. The midwife asked if I wanted to try to breastfeed and I thought it might be an idea just to see what might happen. But then the grabbing of the boobs and shoving them into his mouth began and I wasn’t strong enough to shout, “Stoppit!” Sam was getting a bit upset and I was having flashbacks and I knew, that was it. My decision was made. Formula was the way forward. After giving Sam his first 20ml of formula I knew it was the right decision for us. He sucked it straight down and was happy, content and drunk. Sorted. Decided. Happy. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Due to our decision to formula feed, we had no badgering by lactation consultants or midwives or anyone. We were left to feel confident about our decision and celebrate going forward. None of the midwives passed judgement and almost all of them reiterated that they regretted the guilt that mums feel with regards to the breast versus bottle debate. This was, again, very refreshing and encouraging. I know the debate, been sucked into it myself but we have made the decision that is right for us, for our family and for our mental health. I know I could persevere and work hard to make breastfeeding work for us. My milk, today, has come in. Ow. I’m sure people will curse me and our decision. So be it. For us, this works. Mark can, and does, take part in the feeding process which aids in his bond with Sam and gives me a break. Sam is healthy, thriving and enjoying his feeds. Yes, it’s a faff preparing bottles, sterilising, waiting whilst Sam is shouting but it’s what we’ve chosen and are happy and confident about it.
For us, formula/bottle feeding has won. I admire women who make breastfeeding work for them and applaud their perseverance and success. I just wish that everyone could do the same for whichever method of feeding a family chooses as no one needs to have any more pressure placed on them in this great adventure called parenting.
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Hiya lovely
Congratulations again! I didn’t breastfeed my first child, I didn’t want to and it was difficult for various reasons so we didn’t try and that was that. I didn’t have any intention to feed my baby girl either and when she came along we weren’t asked how we wanted to feed her so the forcing the breast happened in recovery and I tried to grin and bear it but then told them on the ward I wanted to formula feed….
Once we got home and were settled I decided that actually I wanted to try but without all the hassle. The girl has an appetite so I had to give formula top ups at first but by 1 week she was completely on breast milk, although some in a bottle. We’re still going at 10 months but I wouldn’t say I’m a militant breastfeeder (more stubborn this time haha) and I think its so unnecessary the pressure that is [ut on us as new mums when it comes to feeding our babies! I have to be honest, I have had negative feedback from both formula feeding AND breastfeeding. You can’t win because you can’t please them all!
Yikes, sorry for the essay! Glad you found the right thing for you. Happy mummy & happy baby ?
What a great post. I thought the response from the midwife so refreshing and am glad to see they have such a healthy attitude towards women’s choice. You are so right to do what is best for you and your family and sod what anyone else thinks. Sam is fed, happy, healthy and loved, what more could your little boy want? Corinne x
Happy mummy, happy baby, happy family. Is there anything more? I’m breastfeeding again but only cause that works for my family & while I’ll support & defend it to the grave, it should be done on an individuals terms without guilt or remorse. I despise the way mothers are made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding. I’m delighted that your decision us working for you!
Good for you! Glad the nurses were supportive. x
Many congratulations lovely. I am a big believer in what is right for you is right for the baby and that each baby brings different needs. I breast fed Noah and bottle fed the twins. You do what you need to do and yes it is refreshing with a midwife being like that, but they should all be like that…supportive of the individuals decision. Enjoy your new baby! xx
I am a breastfeeding peer supporter and I would still say to you that you have to do what is right for you, your child and your family. I think that the breastfeeding debate gets very polarised and bitchy. Formula feeding will not harm your baby. If it did then it would be banned. I think breatsfeeding is brilliant, but you need the right support right from the start (just as an aside, there should be no need of breast-grabbing and making you feel uncomfortable) and also, it is not for everyone. There is nothing worse for a child than a miserable, unsupported, knackered and guilt-ridden Mum and yet this whole debate of which is best often leaves Mums on both sides of the argument feeling like this. Thank you for such an honest post. I wish you well. R
Great post and fabulous that you have happily chosen the way to feed your baby that suits you. Due to my tinkerous toddler’s first week being in hospital and various complications, I ended up doing a mixture of breast and bottle feeding at first, moving to mainly breast as everything slotted into place. Without the option of formula, which I wholeheartedly embraced, I would have been (and therefore my then baby would have been) a much more stressed out mummy. Do what feels right for you and what suits your situation and surely you can’t go far wrong.
A happy mummy makes for a happy baby. End of. You’re doing what is right for you and Sam and I am so happy that you have felt supported this time around. That’s just how it should be. Enjoy these prescious early days he is absolutely adorable! x
Fantastic post – and three cheers for the sensible midwife!
Hello, I am training to be a Peer Support Worker and too advocate that what is best for Mum, Baby and the whole family is for Mum especially to be comfortable with the choice of feeding be that breastmilk or formula. It would be lovely if everyone was able to and wanted to breastfeed but that is not the way of the world and I wish that everyone would accept that and not judge either ‘side’ of the debate. Well done you for not being shy about formula feeding and your reasons for choosing this method. I think that if more Mums who don’t want to breastfeed are honest about their decision, it goes some way to being accepted as a viable choice and not just what happens if breastfeeding isn’t established.
Just out of interest, was the midwife involved in the ‘grabbing of the boobs’? If so, this is not how initial Skin to Skin should lead to established breastfeeding. This should be baby led.
Good for you. With my baby bit I really wanted to breast feed but one day gr so stuck I wanted formula. Most of the midwives were lovely but one said “Go provides!” … I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say. I believe in God so err, ok she had a point but hat of I didn’t? And to make it worse she had squeezed my boob to prove her point and then flicked it all
In the air. When I think about it now I wonder whether someone else would have just punched her in the face. She wasnt nice.
Congratulations again my dear! And good for you for making the decision that was right for you, your family and Bebe Sam. So pleased that you had a positive response from the midwives too, Mummys need support not judgement. You made me laugh with the ‘grabbing the boob’ comment though, he he x
Good for you and brilliant post! We had a lot of support from the hospital/midwife/health visitors too and it makes such a difference.
You do what is right for your situation, that’s what makes you a good parent.
Congratulations again x
At the end of the day whatever decision s made it is what is RIGHT for YOU and BABY and that is all the matters. It so DS like this time rind the whole experience in hospital has been more positive for yo and that’s so wonderful. Happy feeding times ahead and well done YOU xx
Great to read this and to see an honest discussion of this topic. Just sad that we still have to consider it an issue – the choice should be more normalised in our society and no parent should have to defend their decision. Your decision is very clearly the best for you and Sam. I loved your midwife’s comment – good sense is still out there! I’ve breastfed both babies but topped both up with formula from day one – I’ve always felt apologetic for it (though shouldn’t need to) and I remember a GP saying something similar to your midwife, I think it was the only time I felt supported and boy did it feel good!
Keep up the good work, missus! X
Great post – thank you so much for sharing all your experiences of Sam’s first few days with us. I’m so glad you feel happy and comfortable with your decision and not bullied into doing something that wasn’t right for you (both, all). In the wise words of my wonderful mother-in-law “Contented Cow, Contented Calf”
For me, breastfeeding worked and turned out to the be the right answer for us. But similarly as someone who was totally formula fed, it makes me so angry and upset the pressure that is put upon mums to breastfeed. Plus at various breastfeeding classes, I actually came away feeling an ‘inferior being’ having not being breastfed! But in my mind, I’ve managed to make it past 30 OK. I’m not particularly sickly, I don’t believe my iQ has been impaired and I haven’t ended up in therapy with “my mum didn’t love me” issues!
Well done you! And continue to enjoy Sam’s precious first days
xxx
You should do whatever makes you and your family feel good. That’s the most important thing. I’m so glad you do. I always wondered what happens wheen your milk comes in if you’re not breastfeeding. That must hurt like hell!
It’s great that you decided how you wanted to feed your child and weren’t judged for it. Due to my milk not ‘coming in’ for the first week or so of my daughter’s life, we ended up back in hospital where I was ordered to formula feed (by the paediatricians). Some of the midwives were supportive but there was one awfully judgemental midwife who made me feel like the worst mum in the world for formula feeding. However, second time around, one of the midwives suggested giving my baby some formula before we were allowed home. She said the important thing was that he was feeding, whether that was via breastfeeding or bottles. It was fantastic they didn’t put any pressure on me to breastfeed and obviously knew that a stressed mum does not equal a happy mum (or baby).
The most important thing of course is that baby is happy and healthy. It’s obvious that your little Sam is both xx
Your milk came in?? Didn’t they give you medication to stop the milk from coming in? At least that’s what they do in Germany if you decide not to breastfeed.
If we are having another one… I don’t think I am going to breastfeed again. There was no physical issue, but still, I didn’t like it. Of course, there were nice moments and all that, but overall, I experienced breastfeeding as something that made me super tired, mushy brained and home bound.
There is no (not a single one!) study that suggest that the formulation of breast milk is superior to the formulation of formula – in contrary, babies get a lot of concentrated environmental rubbish through breast milk.
I hate how women who decide not to breastfeed for whatever reason are made to feel guilty. It should all be about choice, making you the happiest, thus best mum you can be.
Lots of love,
Dxx