Holiday Pool Observations

Sep 6, 2011 by cafebebemama

The Cafe Bebe Family has just returned from a 7 day Lowcostholidays adventure to the glorious Spanish island of Tenerife. I’ve never been on an “all-inclusive” holiday before, probably down to the fact that I lived 34 years in the US and the idea of travelling to a European All-Inclusive resort isn’t quite what most Americans do. Americans tend to spend summer holidays at their cottage or travelling around the US but that’s a whole other post, isn’t it?

Whilst lounging about the beautiful salt-water pool at the Ten Bel Aborada in the Costa Del Silencio, I made a few observations that I thought I might share with you. Tell me if I’m wrong!

1. Worrying about your body is not necessary. All body shapes, types, colours and hirsuitness are welcome. You should not worry about sucking in your belly as you walk around. No one else will so why stress yourself out?
2. There is no need to tan ahead of time. You will fit right in if you are as white as the driven snow. In fact, you are expected to be as white as the driven snow in order to turn the requisite shade of hot pink that denotes, “I am on holiday and I live in England/Germany.”
3. Sunscreen is only required if you are a paranoid woman who does not want to age before her time. It is preferable to tan yourself to a mahogany-like shade in order to achieve the leathery, saggy, rough skin that is required of holiday-makers.
4. If you do choose to apply sunscreen, do so in a haphazard fashion that will allow you to have bizarrely placed red spots all over your body. Be sure to forget to put sunscreen on your feet AND wear sandals everywhere so that you end up with stark white reminders of why you should never spend time in the sun.
5. In order to get the best sun lounger with the lengthiest rays of sunshine, remember to lay out your beach towels either before you go to bed at midnight/1am/2am or set your alarm in order to wake up at the crack of dawn to lay your claim. Otherwise you might have to sit at a slightly less appropriate sun lounger and you won’t be able to increase your risk of skin cancer as much.
6. Be sure to bring young babies and toddlers to the pool, set up camp and forget to put sunscreen on your children or clothe them with hats, sunglasses and/or UV suits. In fact, just let them toddle around the pool in a nappy or swim bottoms so that you can have a family sunburn together.
7. If your children are old enough to paddle in the pool on their own, be sure to be as far away from them as possible so that you can’t actually see what they are doing or if they might be in trouble. In fact, if your children have some sort of life preserver/swim aid on, they will be just fine on their own. If you do remember to check on their safety/security/swim ability/sunburn, please saunter down to the pool without urgency, shouting expletives and holding a cigarette.
8. Be sure to allow your school age children to flounce about in just a swim bottom even when they are beginning to sprout breasts. You may as well start at an early age. The same applies to any age woman, as a matter of fact, including the women who have obviously long ago abandoned the support of a good bra. Saggy breasts of all size and shape are more than welcome at any pool in Europe.
9. Be sure to eat like it’s going out of style or like you won’t be fed for at least 2 more hours because you probably won’t be fed for at least 2 more hours. The same goes for drink whether it be soft drinks or alcoholic drinks. The object should be to accumulate as many cups as possible in order to re-create your own Leaning Tower of Pisa.
10. Remember that the pool area at night becomes just like any nightclub where you might live. Relationships are born and die a death within the space of 5-7 days, all enhanced and/or devastated by the light of the pool.

Do you have any others to add? Am I wrong? Or have I sussed just how all-inclusive holidays work in just one attempt? I will be reporting more about our holiday and excursions over the course of the week. I highly recommend Tenerife for your next family holiday. We had a simply brilliant time! Thank you Lowcostholidays!

**The Cafe Bebe Family were fortunate enough to be treated to our all-inclusive family holiday at the Ten Bel Aborada hotel in Tenerife. The words, opinions and observations are entirely my own.**