Don’t judge me too harshly but…
If I wouldn’t be judged too harshly I would say…
I don’t think I want to breastfeed Bebe #2…out loud!
Those of you who have followed this blog know that I wasn’t able to breastfeed Ella. I didn’t give it near enough of a go, however, as I was just so damn desperate to get out of hospital that I gave up and gave in to formula feeding. Ella has been a healthy, delightful child and never suffered as a result so I don’t think our decision was a bad one.
However, my experience with trying to get Ella to latch on, with midwives manhandling and abusing me and Ella to get her to latch on put me off the entire thing. I have extremely negative views of breastfeeding as a result and a lot of semi-repressed hostility about it all. It’s even come to the point that I think I actually have a fear of breastfeeding.
I’m a worrier and tend to get in a kerfuffle about things like this but these are major decisions! If I take on breastfeeding and somehow manage to make it work, then its just me and the Bebe for months. Yes, I know one can express. Yes, I know breast is best. But maybe, just maybe it’s not best for me? The reason I say, “Don’t judge me too harshly” is that there is so much damn pressure on mums to breastfeed. We’re bombarded with it everywhere. It’s supposedly THE ONLY WAY. This advert does my head in:
It’s not the “Follow-On Formula” pitch that pisses me off. It’s the phrase, “Breastmilk is the best protection for your baby and nothing compares to it. If you choose to MOVE ON, we’ve created…” So, say I’ve chosen to bottle/formula feed from the get-go and I’m feeding Bebe #2 and watching a bit of telly. This ad pops on and I hear the lines above. I’ve just been told, effectively, that I have made the wrong choice by feeding my baby formula and that I should have breast fed exclusively for the first 6 months. Then, and only then, am I permitted to “move on” from breastfeeding and onto formula. This ad drives me around the bend.
Right now, I’m leaning toward a “let’s see what happens” approach with Bebe #2. We’ll give it a go, perhaps, depending on how I feel and how Bebe responds. I was given some amazing advice about “biological nurturing” from another blogger and I might just shove all the midwives away and see what Bebe is capable of. One thing is for sure, well, two things actually:
- I WILL NOT allow over-stretched, too-busy midwives to shove my breasts at my screaming baby in an attempt to get him/her to latch on. I know for a fact that this DOES NOT WORK and only STRESSES me out which doesn’t help either.
- I WILL bring ready-made formula bottles to hospital in the event that I choose to use them.
Please don’t judge me too harshly but this is the decision I have come to and I’m saying it out loud!
**This post was inspired by the BritMums Personal Blogging Prompt of the Week. What would YOU say out loud if people wouldn’t judge you too harshly?**
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I so admire this, my girls are 15,14 and 10 and completely healthy. Yet when I read or am faced with adverts like this I am still now filled with guilt that I didn’t breastfeed. It was something I tried with my third and four, but I could never cope with the concept of midwives and it felt like everyone watching me get my breasts out. Maybe now Im older I could but at 23 I wasnt in that place.
I think what is important is how you feel and how you bond with your child and if breastfeeding stresses you out the baby will fill it to.
Go with your heart and that will be best for both you and bebe2
Funny, isn’t it (ironic, not ha ha). Round here there is too much pressure to bottle feed. I had to stand up for my right to at least try breastfeeding, otherwise a bottle would have been shoved in my son’s mouth regardless of what I wanted. My friend was determined to breastfeed her twins but was given a guilt trip by the health professionals and caved in.
We should all do what suits us and our babies, and never mind what anyone else thinks! Well done for writing your piece! And don’t judge me too harshly for this
)
PollyBurns2,
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here…WE SHOULD ALL DO WHAT SUITS US AND OUR BABIES. That should be the support we receive. Thank you for your support and well done you for persevering with breastfeeding! I admire it…I’m just not sure I’m made of the same metal!
Karin
Sara,
Karin
Thank you for your support. I think the idea of Happy Mummy = Happy Bebe is the key. I wish the NHS & the WHO and everyone else with an opinion would just butt out! Thanks for the comment love…
I wouldn’t judge you if you said “I don’t want to breastfeed” let saying you don’t think you want to, You do whatever is best for you (and therefore best my baby) its not like you’d be not feeding her at all!
Chill out, enjoy your bebe and feed however the hell you want to….. and that’s an order
Emma,
Thanks! I shall take your order and do as told!
Karin
i admire u for saying this.
breastfeeding and those first few days in hospital and first few weeks at home are so stressfull i sympathise with u and i have said that if i had a 3rd baby it would be so much easier to just bottle feed. not that i take the easy route all the time but my first baby wouldnt latch right and i was sooooo sore and in tears, my milk wouldnt satisfy me, my midwife shouted at me for giving up even though id had little support. my mum and my partners mum had bottle fed and i didnt know anyone who had breastfed.
my second baby was in an incubator and i was shown how to express but i was in for over a week if i had been sent straight home they wouldnt have had the time to show me. a nurse gave my baby a bottle without consulting me first and i was so angry, it was a bottle from then on. i continued expressing but it was a loosing battle.
so yes it would be a lot less stress to not go thru all that again.
what i know now is do what suits u, not what suits the hospital or the government guidelines and statistics
It’s about choice and what suits an individual. Some people are lucky and it’s a breeze and wonder why anyone would ever not breastfeed. Others have such an awfully hard time that it just ruins any joy in the first few weeks. And some just don’t want to, simples.
You do what you bloody well want, they’re your boobs, it’s your baby and tell anyone else who thinks they have the right to interfere in your personal business to sod off.
*and breath* Can you tell that this subject really annoys me?! Why can’t we all be nice to each other and respect personal choice?! grrrr x
I breastfed all my babies and hated every minute of it! The only thing I held onto was the comfort of knowing I might be doing ‘right’ by them and that it saved a small fortune in formula! As others have said, you must do what you are happiest doing. Just don’t feel guilty or like you have to justify your actions if you choose to bottle feed. This does not make you a failure as a Mum! But, if you’re prepared to, give breastfeeding another go. You’re in a different place than you were the 1st time round, and it’s a different baby too! Try and relax into it, without a midwife hovering over, and know that you’ve got that formula there if you want to use it. Despite what the professionals say, it is also possible to mix feed too, so don’t believe it’s an either/or decision! Good luck!
Alex,
Karin
Thank you…my plans exactly! I am attempting to rid myself of guilt…I’m very good at it though!
Hated it! That’s what I’m afraid of as well. Thanks for your advice!
Caroline,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. 
Karin
It is a volatile topic isn’t it? Why don’t we spend our energies what is healthiest for each individual baby? What’s right for ONE isn’t necessarily right for ANOTHER. RESPECT…I’m singing the Aretha song now!
Stephanie,
Karin
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think, for many of us, it would be so much different if they put the right EXPERTS in hospital to help women if they wanted it. The majority of the midwives do not have the time or expertise to devote to not entirely well mummies to ensure success. Also, generally the hospital environment is not terribly conducive to success either. We’ll take it one hour at a time. Thanks very much for commenting.
I read this earlier this morning but didn’t have time to comment. I think it’s great you’re speaking up and saying this Karin. So many women keep quiet about it and suffer in silence. I breastfed MC for just over 6 months and it was bloody hard work sometimes. Oddly enough we spent a lot of time at the doctors and a hospital stay with MC as she had extreme colic despite being completely breastfed. She also had her fair share of colds and things like that so I wouldn’t say she was a healthy breastfed baby.
I think it’s all about choice and women shouldn’t be made to feel bad with what they decide to do for them, it’s whatever suits them and their baby. I’ve heard breastfeeding can make some women ill and exhausted if it doesn’t work for them and what is that going to achieve for their baby?
Hurrah for your voice.
SAHMlovingit,
Thank you so much for commenting Heather. I’m starting to learn that breastfeeding is not always the perfect experience for women that it seems to be. I know, for some, it is easy as pie. But I would say, for the majority, it’s a learned thing that you have to keep working at. Knowing my competitive nature, I’m not sure that I would be entirely healthy about it. CHOICE…exactly the word. I’ll keep you posted on how we go! And you! You’ll be making this decision again soon as well! Squee!
Karin
Hey Karin, great post and good for you. You know my mantra that breast isn’t best. It’s only an option and the only person who can decide what it right for you and your family – is you ! x
Annie,
Thank you lovely!
Karin
All I can say is “BRAVO” girl…take a stand. It’s your life. Don’t be intimidated.
Grandma Kathy,
Love you!
Thanks Mom!
Kar
It is all up to you a happy mummy equals a happy baby. If it is not for you then it is for you to decide.
With Oscar he feed every 50 minutes from day one, by week 2 I was exhausted but my health visitor gave me all that cr*p so I didn’t follow my heart and kept on with it.
A little older and hopefully a little wiser I learnt that the person inside of me talks a lot of sense and usually better to listen to that than let anyone else sway you.
Do what you feel is right, but you don’t need me to tell you that do you? xxx
Ali,
Thanks very much. It seems to me that HV’s & midwives need to improve their LISTENING skills a bit more. But obviously, wiser after one, hopefully I’ll take my stand appropriately and defend whatever choice I make. Thanks for commenting!
Karin
It was this time last year I was having the same dilemma! I was preg with our 3rd & unsure how I was going to feed her. I attempted to bf our son, but had similar experience to you & gave up! Our 2nd baby was automatically formula fed. I decides to give breast a go as I knew she’d be low birth weight due to complications I’d had & that we’d be in hospital for a few days. I was surprised how well she took to it & how helpful the MW were! 11mth on we’re still BF
Ultimately, it’s your decision. As long as you’re happy & baby is happy, they don’t care where their food comes from xxx
I’m so glad someone else gets annoyed by that blinking Aptamil ad! As a breastfeeding mamma, it irritates the hell out of me (especially the ‘we’ve 30 years of bfeeding research’ bit). It’s utterly nauseating!
As for the hospital/breastfeeding thing, if it weren’t for my mum’s upfront ‘it hurts like HELL for the first fortnight’ advice and an auxilliary nurse who risked being disciplined for helping me in hospital, I wouldn’t have been able breastfeed.
There are so many messages promoting bfeeding, but so little support for mammas out there.
Have now dismounted high horse.
Enjoy enjoy ENJOY your lovely new little baby!!!
Well said.
I’ll add my voice to the others. Suit yourself.
I have three kids and I tried and failed to feed one and two eventually miserably giving up and going to forumula.
With number three I decided I wasn’t going to breast feed him and that was it. Once I’d made up my mind no one tried to disuade me.
My rationale – and I didn’t feel slightly guilty – is that, yes, if we lived somewhere deprived or a third world country and we didn’t have the luxury of the nutritional food and hygiene that we take for granted then breast feeding might make a significant difference. However, on a world-wide scale we have every other advantage it is possible to give a baby so, actually, not breastfeeding doesn’t really make much difference.
Good luck.
Ellen,
Karin
Thank you so much for that wonderful and supportive comment. I appreciate knowing that there are others out there like me! Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story.
Mammasaver,
Thank you very much for not judging me and for hating the Aptamil ad as well!
Karin
Rachel,
Karin
It’s a volatile topic that truly divides and makes for both sides to hate each other. I wish it wasn’t ONE way or the OTHER and everyone could just accept that there is more than ONE way to raise your child/feed your child. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story and comment here.
Hi Karin
I think I too have developed a fear of breastfeeding after trying unsuccessfully to with my son. I we are lucky enough to have another baby, I am not sure I will give it a go again. I have to say though that the midwives who tried to help my son to latch on were really fab and patient. He would just start screaming his head off whenever he got a sniff of the boob coming out. It was such a traumatic experience and especially after having an emergency c-section, I just didn’t have the energy to persevere and decided to give myself a break.
Reading your post and the comments below it, have really helped to ease the guilt that I have quietly been carrying around with me ever since.
No judging here, thank you for sharing x
Grenglish,
Karin
We both experienced much the same then. Isn’t it a shame that we have to go through this? Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and share your situation as well. Motherhood is challenging enough without pressure from outsiders, society and government to add to it!