Worst Mummy of the Year
Look at this face! What a gorgeous, smiley and adorable face. Do you know what this face spent a majority of the day doing on Sunday? Crying! Crying, screaming, whinging, begging, pouting and crying some more? Do you want to know why? Because I am now in the running for Worst Mummy of the Year, that’s why!
Today I took a stand. Well, a week ago Mark and I decided to take a stand and today I firmly took that stand. What did we take a stand on might you ask? Well, to put it bluntly, we took a stand on POO! That’s right, poo.
Nearly a year ago we started potty training with Ella. She was properly (wee) potty trained in less than a week. We still used pull-ups for nighttime as I was keen to take it slow and not have to strip bed linens in the night. Her nighttime pullups have been dry in the morning for some time now, though. And Ella is a VERY clever, articulate and well-spoken 3 year old. So, nearly a year on, why are we still allowing Ella to poo in a pull-up? Well, you’ve got me!
Ever since we began the potty training process, Ella has had issues with pooing in the toilet. I have asked her a bazillion times, what the problem is with pooing in the toilet. She has no answer. Repeatedly, no answer. Well, the answer is “because” or “I don’t know” or she tries to blame it on her imaginary friend “Glally” (don’t ask). The only answer I can come up with is that a) she doesn’t like the feeling of the poo leaving her body & landing in the toilet or b) she wants to fully control everything in her life and this is one thing she has control over.
Here’s what normally happens (without being too graphic):
- Ella knows she needs a poo and asks for a “plup” to do her poo in.
- We go upstairs, put on a pull-up.
- Ella goes in the front bedroom for privacy & does her poo (generally only takes minutes).
- Ella shouts, “I’m done” and we meet in the bathroom.
- Ella bends over, puts her hands on her stool, I take her pullup off and wipe her bum.
- I dump the contents of her nappy into the toilet.
- Ella flushes the toilet.
- Normal routine is resumed.
This routine has been going on for nearly a year. I am very tired of this routine. I don’t think we should STILL be doing this at the age of 3 years 2+ months. Ella knows full well what/when and why. We shouldn’t need a pull-up anymore! Should we? We are expecting Bebe #2 in December. I do not want to have 2 children in nappies, particularly one child who is more than old enough, capable enough and intelligent enough to be out of nappies. Mark and I decided to take a stand and go “cold-turkey” with the nappies.
Last Sunday we were at the inlaws, enjoying time with the family. Suddenly Ella came up to me, rather panicked, and asked if I had a pullup. I didn’t; I don’t carry pullups with us any longer. I told her that she would either have to do a poo on the toilet at Nanny & Grandad’s or we’d have to go home. She cried; she whinged. Mark took her upstairs for a very frustrating and fruitless attempt to do a poo on the toilet. Mark does not have the patience I have. The “feeling” passed and we managed to make it through dinner at the inlaws before another panicked plea came from Ella. We went home, tried to get her to poo on the toilet and she had a massive meltdown. She ended up in tears, in bed and that’s where we issued the ultimatum. Poo on the toilet by the end of the week or she’d lose her dummy (don’t get me started…I know, I know!) Ella is choosing to NOT poo on the toilet so we will choose NOT to let her have her dummy.
The week was stressful. On Wednesday she had a poo accident after swimming in Grandad’s pool; on Friday the same but I did manage to get her on the toilet in time to get a bit of poo in the toilet. Incentives abounded. Offers of toys, ringing relatives, chocolate, everything…fallen on deaf ears. She will not poo on the toilet. In the meantime, she’s getting an ouchy tummy & then has panicked moments where she feels the urge to poo but won’t let it out. Today we spent the entire day at home (couldn’t leave the house as she wouldn’t poo & we couldn’t risk going out) and the dummy was put away. You’d think we had cut off her left arm! She went to bed without a dummy, without doing a poo on the toilet and without relief. I laid down with her and she fell asleep in less than 5 minutes.
Monday starts it all over again. I don’t know what to do. I do feel like I am THE worst mummy of the year. Should I just give in and let her have her bloomin’ “plups” and let her sort it out when she’s ready (what everyone says)? But she’s had a year to sort it out and is really ready to do so yet she still won’t. Isn’t this possibly Ella asserting herself and seeing how far she can push us? We have tried every trick/incentive/tip known to man. Yet still, nada. Of course I worry about making her ill or making it all worse. I don’t want to give in; she NEEDS to be out of pullups and capable of pooing whenever and wherever she needs to. I don’t know what to do. I would love your suggestions and/or absolution as the Worst Mummy of the Year. Poo trauma reigned in the Bebe Household this weekend. What will Monday bring?
P.S.- At 4:00am I was awakened by a screaming child who desperately needed to poo but still wouldn’t. I put her on the toilet and one tiny kernel came out but she was in so much pain and was refusing to let it out that I had to break down and put a pullup on her so she could get some relief. Once relieved she was back to her old self, already rationalising it all with me and asking me if I was proud that she did a tiny poo on the toilet. Of course, I said yes. I tucked her back into bed and she went to sleep. I am sitting at the laptop at 4am, defeated. The force is strong in this one, Obi Wan!
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Oh Karin – poor her and poor you! I don’t have any experience of this so cannot offer any advce. But I wish you luck and I am sure the wonderful parents out there in cyberspace will offer some useful tips xx
Ok, going to be tough here….no matter how hard/late in the night/tired you are….don’t go back to “plups” again…..it’s a tiny victory for your smart and strong willed daughter……You have both made the decision, so you gotta stick with it!
Lecture over, I know you “know” that but here’s a suggestion…………
Try her on a potty first!!! BUT make a MASSIVE deal of it, explain that nappies are for babies and she is a big girl now and whilst you understand she is not ready for the loo yet, she is ready for a potty. Then take her out on a “special” shopping trip where she can choose her own potty. Get some stickers and get her to decorate her “throne”.
Once she has mastered the potty, she’ll move to the loo gradually, promise!
Oh no! Nightmare ! Bean used to only like to do her poos in private too. Maybe a ‘special’ girls trip out just Ella and Mummy to the shops so she can chose a new sparkly ‘poo’ potty (and some sweeties!). Then she can take that into her room with her to poo on. And eventually this can graduate to being in the bathroom.
Oh and I found good old fashioned bribery works too – ‘if you poo on your special poo potty you can have one of these giant yummy choccy buttons!’ .I used the choccy buttons on Bean for 3 weeks then faded them out.
You can even make a fun hanging sign together for her to hang on the door handle ‘Quiet please I am poo-ing like a clever girl’ (or some other madness!)
Anything to make poo-ing ‘fun’!
May the force be with you Karin xxx
Morning Karin. I have no advice, opinion or experience to add to this as E toilet trained nicely and was pooing in the toilet by the time her was three – day and night. W on the other hand, was 3 in June and has no intention whatsoever of using a potty or toilet for anything. It’s an ongoing source of trouble between me and Lovely Bloke. I want to leave him to it. Lovely Bloke insists he just needs motivating. Every bribe we’ve offered so far hasn’t worked.
I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. And some people will judge you for going cold turkey, some will judge you for not doing it sooner – everyone’s got a pair of judgey pants (to coin a mumsnet phrase) – and that’s because everyone does it differently according to their child and where they are at in life. I so get it that you want this sorted before the new baby arrives. It must be hard for you to have a deadline in mind.
Anyway, enough rambling from me. You’re not on you own chuck
x
oh Karin, I have tears streaming down my face as this has taken me back to when my daughter was the same age. No-one understands unless they have gone through the same, we had 18 months of it. I was so stressed and upset and no amount of advice from health visitors would help. After a few months of pooing in her pants we went back to pull-ups. I didn’t feel bad about this even though many said that I shouldn’t be doing it – it was much less stressful for the poo to be in pull-ups than in pants as I’m sure you know. Each time Hanna needed a poo she would go and get a pull up & go to the toilet and sit on it and do her business, I would then go in & clean her up – no different to a toddler just doing it on the toilet, just with a pull-up involved. This went on for 18 months until one Sunday we went to Ikea & we didn’t have a pull-up, we went back and forwards to the toilet a few times until finally she could hold it no more – I sat on the floor with my arms around her,we both cried, she screamed, then an almighty plop and we both laughed and on that day she finally overcame her fear of pooing on the toilet. It was a very hard time for all of us so all I can say is persevere, she will get there, it will be stressful but if she’s already doing small amounts on the toilet then it shouldn’t be long before she can hold it no more. At the time I thought I was the only one going through this but it’s amazing how many come out of the woodwork afterwards and say they have been through the same.
Good luck with it and try not to get too stressed.
xx
Oh my god, just read your blog and the comments and I didn’t know it could be so stressful. Agree the potty idea sounds really good. Cant really offer any advice other than say good luck, and don’t stress. She will eventually poo on the loo one day! Hugs!!!
Oh Karin, I can’t offer advice as we are only just starting with the whole potty thing but my heart really goes out to you. Children are sent to test us and with you being pregnant it just must make everything seem so much worse. I hope you find a solution that works for you both soon x
SAHMlovingit,
Thank you lovely! It’s not been easy at all. And the fact that Mark has very little patience for the whole palavar is extra challenging for me. We’re trying a totally different approach today and we both are much calmer. We’ll see how we go. She’s a very determined young lady!
Karin
Mcai7td3,
Potty training is one of those things that everyone dreads, I think, as you just have no clue how your child will take to it. Some are brilliant, some are not! Ella has been a dream w/ the potty side of it…not so much with the other. I guess that’s my trade off!
Karin
I have to say, I completely agree with everything Super Amazing Mum says. If you keep giving in and going back to plups, she’ll never be out of them. I can’t really remember Amy going through it but she couldn’t control her bladder properly, especially during the night, until she was 7. My niece however, was a nightmare and still, at nearly 6, can be a right royal pain. She insists on mummy going with her to the toilet and mummy keeps giving in. Sometimes we have to be really tough to get the message across. Cuddles and treats will always follow…!
Good luck, CJ xx
Helen,
Karin
Bless your cotton socks…and your daughter’s! I don’t want it to become a trauma! Today is much calmer and we’re both just chilling which is helping a lot. I hope we can get there soon. Gah!
Liz,
Thank you for the support. It is helpful to know that we’re not the only ones! I just wish I could wave a wand. But then it wouldn’t be “parenting” would it?! We’ll get there in the end…I HOPE!
Karin
Annie,
We’ve pulled out the Pourty potty that we used a year ago and spent a bit of time this morning decorating it. I don’t know that it will work but anything is worth a shot. And I’m trying to remember PRAISE and not PUNISHMENT. This has been my greatest test so far!
Karin
Super Amazing Mum,
Thank you so much for your very helpful tips. I’m working on accentuating the POSITIVE today. We’ve had a really nice day so far and I’ve just put Ella down for a nap just to stave off any fatigue that might sabotage us. I’ll keep you posted!
Karin
Jenny,
Thanks for your support and sympathy! Hopefully we’ll get there soon. It is nice having the support though. Want to come over?!
Karin
I had exactly the same problem with my son James, and the best way I dealt with it was to ignore it, at first I tried everything including lots of bribery, but my mum always said he would do it when he was ready and I hate to say it but she was right! The more I argued themore he put his foot down until I stopped arguing and one day he asked for his potty, he then realised how much quicker it was to go on the potty than have a nappy changed and we have never looked back! He had just turned four. To be honest I think it’s better that she goes somewhere than hold it in and get constipated or tummy ache, believe me she will do it when she is ready. Good luck!
I know it’s horrid for all concerned but I would agree with Kirsty. We had the same problem and the more I stressed the more my daughter picked up on it and refused to do anything other than the opposite of what I wanted. She will get it eventually and I think she will get it quicker if you don’t make a big deal out of it – annoying as it is! And you are not the worst mummy of the year..sure I read the other day that only good mummies worry about being bad ones
Good Luck! x
I can’t believe I have logged on to check and see if Ella has pooped today – I need to get out more !
x
Bless your cotton socks Annie. Alas, no poo but a much happier girl. We have decorated her potty and hopefully will attempt to use it soon. Thanks for checking in!
Karin
Hi Karin I’m toilet training at the moment too. Have no advice as I’m new to this but wanted you to know we’re sending you positive vibes, must be really hard on you all, good luck xx
Not Yet a Yummy Mummy,
Oh thank you lovely! And good luck to you too. We’ve done so well with it all but this is our final stumbling block. Perseverance, consistency and PRAISE seem to be the keys to success. Oh, and readiness! Keep me posted on your progress as well!
Karin
Poor you, and poor daughter too! We’re not at that stage yet. I do hope that things are resolved quickly for both of you.
Hi Karin,
We are obviously not potty training yet, think this would be a bit ambitious at 4 months, but a friend just told me she had exactly the same problem and they solved it within days. She basically put her little girl on the toilet whenever she said that she needed a poo and asked her to blow bubbles. Apparently, this is helping to distract them and also relaxes their muscles. Might be worth a try
Wishing you and Ella good luck, I’m sure you’ll master it very soon x