Labour & Delivery: My Choice
The birth of my first child, Ella, was not a pleasant one. Thankfully there was not one thing wrong with Ella and she never stressed or suffered a bit. Unlike her Mummy. Ella was nearly 2 weeks overdue. We were scheduled for induction on Sunday 1 June, 2008. Ella was born Tuesday 3 June, 2008 by emergency c-section at 1:50am after induction, Syntocinon, Epidural x many and failure to progress at 3cm. Following her delivery I lost 1.5litres of blood and was left weak, pale and fairly miserable.
The outcome was perfectly safe and healthy for Ella. The outcome for me was not. It was a thoroughly miserable experience, the whole of my labour and delivery, and is one that I look back on through partially closed eyes. I don’t like to talk about it; I don’t really like to think about it. The only bright spot was when they pulled Ella from me (which I couldn’t see) and I heard a quiet cry and they said “It’s a GIRL!” That was the one bright spot. The rest was horrible.
Before being induced with waves of Syntocinon in the early afternoon of 2 June, 2008, I was offered an Epidural. I chose that for my pain relief but unfortunately the epidural was “patchy” which left me with partial feeling down the right side of my body. I couldn’t feel the full force of contractions but I could feel pain and was ridiculously uncomfortable for the duration. The midwives continued to top up my epidural and then attempted to get the epidural to flow to the right side of my body by turning me slightly to the right so the epidural could “drift”. Fun. I was uncomfortable, couldn’t find a suitable position in which to be propped up (I couldn’t lay down because of the epidural) and couldn’t rest at all. The epidural and Syntocinon drip began around 1:00pm. Ella wasn’t delivered until 1:50am. I was chock-a-block of drugs for 12 hours. No wonder I was a mess.
For a long time after Ella’s birth I didn’t want to talk about what I had gone through. I still don’t like to share my “war story” but I have found a few women who went through similar situations which is slightly comforting. We didn’t necessarily plan to have a 2nd child but from the moment I knew I was pregnant with this baby, I’ve been fretting over what this labour and delivery experience might be like. I know that there’s every possibility that this labour and delivery will be entirely different. I’m not willing to take that gamble however.
I’m fully aware of the risks of a repeat c-section. I’m also fully aware of the risks of trying for a VBAC and “failing” and ending up in the same situation (if not worse) as last time. It’s my choice. I WANT an elective c-section. I want to know when this baby is going to be born so I can prepare Ella, our family and myself. I want to be calm about this delivery. I want it to be a positive experience where I am in control and am fully prepared for everything. I think the risks and side-effects will be less horrific if the delivery is a calm and cool one and not an “emergency” situation. Is this not my right on the NHS? I’m not “too posh to push”. I want an elective c-section because I feel it will be a far safer option for me and for my baby. I am choosing this.
I knew that my chances of getting an elective c-section were slim when I went for my referral appointment with the consultant on 4 July. The NHS hospitals like to keep their “natural birth rates” low. Peterborough City Hospital is no exception. When I sat in the appointment with my consultant, she shared with me, when I mentioned the desire for high natural birth rates, that Peterborough has one of the highest natural birth rates in the area. Woo hoo. Shall we throw a party?
I persevered, however. I pled my case. I related my first labour and delivery experiences. I mentioned all of the risks that I knew were possible. I told her that I had fully researched and was educated about the risks and after-effects of a repeat c-section. I related my feelings about such a negative first labour and delivery. I told her that I wanted a positive birth experience for what will be my final birth experience. I didn’t cry…I was prepared, educated and firm in my decision.
She agreed with me. But…she didn’t schedule me for an elective c-section YET. I will have an appointment with her at 36 weeks (9 November…God that seems a long way away) where we will again talk about where I am and how I feel. I will hopefully get a scheduled date then. I do not want to wait until I go into labour naturally. I want to be in control. Maybe I’m nuts. Maybe it would be entirely different. But this is what I want and I feel that I am entitled to get what I want. I will never have the perfect, Utopian, midwife-led birth that everyone dreams of. Because of my previous c-section and additional risk factors, if I go into labour on my own, I will immediately go to the monitored midwife unit where I’ll be strapped up to every monitor under the sun to make sure nothing goes wrong with this delivery. Previous experience tells me that intervention and me don’t mix.
I’ve carried on far too long here but I feel the need to get this out. What are your thoughts? Should women have a choice in how they labour and deliver? Why should the NHS have a say in your personal labour and delivery experience? What experience did you have and did it affect your subsequent deliveries? Feel free to share…
Related Posts
-
PND Journey- The Beginning
Posted on Mar 15, 2012
-
My C-section and Recovery- Pt 2
Posted on Feb 29, 2012
-
My C-Section and Recovery Pt 1
Posted on Feb 29, 2012
-
Really, Amanda Holden?
Posted on Feb 5, 2012
Tags
Share This
Hi, I had a c-section with my son but I really had to push for it.
I had a low lying placenta and I started to bleed with light contractions at 28 weeks. They managed to stop the contractions but I continued to bleed.
I was in and out of hospital about a couple of times a week with the bleeding, and they still wanted me to have a natural birth. I was terrified of what may happen if I went in to labour myself.
Eventually when I was in the ICU of the labour suite one of the consultants whom I had seen several times when I was in ICU finally said at 35 weeks that enough was enough, and they were going to deliver my son that day, and did I still want to go ahead with a natural birth. When I said that I’d rather have a section she agreed and our son was born that afternoon.
My own consultant at that point was still pushing me for a natural birth.
I do think that if you really want a section then you should be allowed one.
I hope that they let you have a section, just keep pushing them.
Janice,
Bless you and thank you for sharing. What an ordeal you were put though! And all for the sake of NUMBERS?! That truly makes me cross. Thank goodness you got the outcome you deserved and you and your son are alright. Grrrr.
Karin
Just wanted to say that I could have written your birth story – pretty much the same thing happened to me. I had a consultant appointment at around 20 weeks where I was told that I had to try for a VBAC- I knew I wanted an ELCS this time as I could not go through another emergency – anyway to cut a very long story short the 2nd consultant appt was much better and it was the midwife in the room who finally agreed and said ‘let’s get the diary’. I am now sat here with a 7 week old asleep on my lap – he was born by planned CS and it was the best day of my life – a million light years away from my first CS!
Hope you get what you want in Novemeber – just keep pushing for it! (excuse the pun!)
You should be entitled to have an ELCS if you feel that you want one. After such a traumatic birth with Ella I can understand why you would feel this way, they should accept that and book you in, in my opinion.
You said it yourself, you are not ‘too posh to push’, you have had a traumatic birth experience and don’t want to take the risk it will be the same this time. I think that’s perfectly reasonable!
With Dylan, I was induced with a pessary at 9pm Thursday night and Syntocin at 12pm the next day, 2 weeks exactly overdue – it was as if my body didnt know what to do! It took 4 hours beginning to end, he was back to back, and he had the cord wrapped round his next twice. They followed him all the way out with the heart monitor because his heart rate kept dropping.
I’m with you on this one
Based on my experience (I’ve had 2 elective sections after a horrible first delivery) they like to leave booking you in with an actual date for a section until the 34/36 week appointment as things can change. However if you are certain this is what you want and you can clearly explain you reasons then they are unlikely to refuse you. I’d try not to worry too much between now and then. I’m sure you’ll get a section booked when you go back.
Well written Karin, had same experience 1st time & then had 2 ELSC… definitely the right thing for our family!…Luckily I had them all at the Portland so care was amazing!…Chose Reddy & the baby’s birthdays which was really nice!
I do hope they get the diary out when you go in Nov… Birth should be the Mother’s choice as a Mother’s instinct is usually right…
My daughter was an emergency section and when I fell pregnant with my son, we decided we wanted an elective so that we could eliminate the sense of panic that we experienced with the first birth. I too had a consultant appointment on the 9th November, when I was around 36 weeks as my previous pleas had been dismissed. My consultant didn’t even turn up. His junior decided that my baby was measuring too small and so an elective section 2 weeks early would be dangerous. I was convinced to try for a natural delivery and a section was booked incase I went over. I went over. My hopsital put my section date back four days and I went into labour the day after I should’ve had my section. In the end, my fear, anxiety, lack of professional care and faulty equipment led to another emergency section and months of anxiety, despair and panic attacks. My hopsital simply did not listen to me and I failed to stand up for myself. Next time, I will not be allowed to try for a natural birth but the fact remains that last time should’ve been different.
My advice to you would be to stick to your guns. My hopsital told me my son would be too small but I should’ve known I measure small as the same thing happened with my daughter. My son was 7lb7 despite being told he was 5 weeks too small. I let myself be bullied and I will never forgive myself for it. That said, I WAS in two minds about it. You know what you want and you are entitled to get the birth you want. I really really hope that your consultant considers your feelings and previous birth and agrees. If not, can you go elsewhere? Perhaps Addenbrooks? A bit further I know, but I wish I had gone to a different hospirtal. Good luck Karin, I only wish they would make the decision now rather than have you wait so long
XxX
I really wish consultants would take into account how large a part the psychology of birth has to play and how much it affects the success of their interventions. Even their basic understandings of the fight or flight reflex in labour is completely disregarded.
My birth with the Wee Man was semi-elective as he was breech I went into labour a couple of weeks before I was due for a caesarean. My biggest fear is being stuck with appalling aftercare like last time so I’m hoping for a VBAC but if I’m told I am to be strapped down, constantly monitored and have a cannula inserted I may as well just opt for the op as psychologically the messages I will be getting will be you will fail. Likewise if he’s breech or need inducing the VBAC will be out of the window but that’s my choice. I chose last time for a section because I didn’t feel confident in their ability to support me in what would be a difficult birth.
Seems that unless you had a textbook birth (and who gets one of those these days) that you’re left fighting for not only what you want but what you need to have what you consider a safe birth and that should include our mental safety. If only we could sue them for psychological distress caused by their decisions in our care then maybe they would listen but by then most of us are too busy with bringing up our children.
Karin I had a horrendous, traumatic birth with my first. He was yanked out by forceps in the end after a 35 hour labour and I had terrible post-birth injuries. It took a long time to recover and I was scared stupid about giving birth to my second. But what happened with him? I went into labour and it quickly escalated, he was very almost born in the car and arrived within minutes of getting inside the hospital. There was no time for pain relief he was so quick! As a result my third was born at home quickly and easily. I never could have imagined birth would be like that. So there’s every chance you’ll be okay. That said, if you’re more comfortable with an elective c-section then push for it. Hopefully they’ll say yes eventually. Don’t worry too much about the birth though, it can be hard when you’ve had a tough experience but it’s so unpredictable you never know! Keeping fingers crossed for you x
Yes women should have the right to an informed choice about birth but sadly in an under-resourced, over stretched NHS that is rarely the case and you often have to opt out to get what you want or fight like hell to flex the system
It really upsets me that the emotional aspects of a traumatic delivery aren’t taken into account properly, yes everyone comes out of these awful experiences with a healthy mother and child but that it not the end, the upset and trauma can take years to deal with and that is an issue for subsequent births that can’t be dismissed
Good on you for standing by your guns
Having taken on our consultant in a fight for a less medicalised birth during my last pregnancy and struggled despite being informed, carrying references and being a fairly articulate person, I know only too well how hard it can be and how soul destroying it can be to fight for something that should be a given
And the fact that if you had the money for private care that this wouldn’t even be a discussion is another thing that makes me mad
I completely agree with you about choice, although clearly some people are not as well informed as you, and need help to make the right decisions. I had a very fast but frightening birth the first time and as a consequence was too quick to make the decision to have an epidural during my second, which in fact was completely different. I had a trainee midwife who didn’t question my reasons and just got me the epidural. With hindsight if she had just pushed me a little, I think I could have managed without, and I feel a bit cheated over that. I do get very cross though, that women are treated as a ‘case’ to be got through and not as individuals going through one of the most important experiences of their life. Good for you for taking a stand.
I tried to get on here last night but your blog wouldn’t let me
I had an elective section with MC as she was breech. They didn’t want to give me one but MC wasn’t for budging. I was heart broken as I wanted a water birth and I wanted to deliver naturally. So many people I know though had truly awful natural births or ended up having an emergency section – in actual fact I only know a handful of people who have had positive natural births.
Sadly this stigma about sections and their reluctance to dent their ‘natural birth vs c-section’ stats goes against women like us and we have to fight for what we want.
I had an elective section and it was a truly amazing experience. If you want me to share my story I will.
I hope that you get what you want Karin, just push for it and be strong x
hi Karin
As you know we had very similar experiences with our first therefore I also preferred the idea of an elective. The hospital up here wouldn’t agree to an elective c-section until recently (38 weeks) where I had a scan and appointment with consultant to discuss options etc. They had all my doctors notes etc this time and agreed that an elective would be the best for me considering what happened last time. Try not to worry about it, its a shame they can not tell you early on instead of making you wait like me, but now we have a date (22nd July) we can start to get organized etc. Good luck. x
I do not agree with this push to VBAC, and in our hospital, if you’ve had a previous section, they normally schedule you for one, if that is what you want.
Having said that, the day after Joseph was born the midwife passed a letter from the PCT. Fear brushed across my face “what’s this a bill???” she said “just have a read, and don’t get upset”. Now bear in mind at this point my son, all 1lb 7oz of him is fighting for his life in NICU.
“Dear Mrs Hodges. Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Now this letter is to inform you that although you have had caesarean for this delivery in future you may consider VBAC, please read the attached brochure…”
I couldn’t stop shaking, then my anger turned into hyseterical laughter. The midwife looked at me “the NHS expect me to have sex again…” and we all collapsed laughing!
Seriously though, your body, your choice. You should have what you want to ensure a healthy and safe delivery.
We should certainly have the right to choose, no matter where we are and what the HS is like.
Interestingly enough, here in the states I’m having the opposite problem. I would like to try for a VBAC (1st labor/del was failed cervadil & misoprostil, anaphylaxis, failed induction, csection at 40wks.) However, here – especially in my state (FL) – at least half of he hospitals will not let their dr’s do VBACs! My recovery was horrendous from the c-section, and although I realize it may still end that way, I feel that I should be able to make an informed decision. Instead, I have to switch doctors and hospitals, just to feel supported!
Best wishes to you. I say stick to your guns and follow your gut. Not that you have a choice these days.
My first labour was a horrific experience too.Mainly I think becasue no one really tells you how painful it’ll be (or maybe I was too full of pregnant joy to listen!).
But yes I have gone on to have 7 more, and they have all been lovely. It’s important to let go of past experiences – corny saying but a postitive mentally helps loads ! I went ont to have 5 home births which gave me a high element of control. Of course I had to battle to have my 8th baby at home but common sense prevailed
I hope you feel more in control this time round xx