How to anger a pregnant woman
I don’t want to totally slate the NHS as it does an immense amount of good in the UK. I have been provided for and seen to and diagnosed with various illnesses, etc. I am grateful for that care as it is FREE. I am thankful to have prescriptions are low cost (free at the moment as I am pregnant) and for my child(ren) to have free prescriptions as well. That’s as it should be ANYWHERE. I am blessed to live in an area where there is not a massive amount of people clamboring to be seen at the surgery on a daily basis. If I need medical care I am generally fortunate enough to be seen as soon as the next day or often within the week. For all of this, I know I am lucky and fortunate.
However, recently the NHS has started to royally piss me off. Well, maybe I shouldn’t lump the whole of the NHS into this rant? Actually, it’s just my little corner of the Shire that’s really let me down. Perhaps you’d like to know how to anger a pregnant woman? Well, let me tell you, with my very own, slightly elevated voice…
**I am in the process of logging a formal complaint with my local surgery and area community midwife organisation. If you have any constructive suggestions and/or solutions or would like to sponsor me to have private antenatal care and hospital delivery, feel free to get in touch. **
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sounds a nightmare, but sadly one that could so easily have been avoided had there been better communication – if they had just said, you won’t be called back until tomorrow, if they had told you it is a very small chance that you will have contracted from contact and that you are most likely immune from contact in the past that you weren’t aware of..
Or if they had said i don’t know as it isn’t something we come across frequently, but I’ll find out for you and get right back…
If they had explained that blood taken on a Friday, even if it gets sent to the lab immediately, would probably sit in storage before being processed on Monday as labs close to “routine” screening over weekends (still classed as that even though is urgent as far as you as individual is concerned)
If only they now say sorry, we see there are errors / gaps in communication
If only there was some empathy.
If only they realised that although maybe “everyday” “minor” or “routine” to them, things like this are a big deal to women encountering them – it is frightening to think that something might happen to your baby, however slight that risk may be, and some understanding, caring and reassurance can make such a difference.
I work in the NHS, I hope I do all the “if only” above,, however, busy, short staffed etc I am. I’m not perfect, but I have also been on the receiving end of some harsh comments from my fellow midwives and lack of empathy, encouragement and support too – I know it happens and it quite simply shouldn’t. I’m sure if / when we look at my notes all the physical care will be documented as taking place, but that simply isn’t enough I feel so strongly that these are CORE midwifery values, not added extras or luxuries.
I too am in the process of complaining, trying to make a change, but I am also campaigning to protect the community midwifery services, for it is these that are being stealthily eroded to prop up the labour ward. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, you might say. It isn’t good enough, community midwifery is so important – it isn’t all drama, but time spent talking and listening to the legitimate concerns and worries of pregnant women in our care can do so much to boost confidence in themselves and in us – and when you are trusting u’s with your care and that of your baby, that’s a very important aspect of our role.
I am so sorry you are having such a bad time with your carers – and only at 15 weeks into pregnancy. I hope that you get a satisfactory resolution to your situation, your consultant appointment goes well, your bloods come back clear and are reported to you promptly, explained clearly.
I hope that they learn to give you and other women time and to listen to their concerns, value them as individuals and give accurate, confidence inspiring reassurance in a timely manner, and appropriate care where needed. It is after all, the very least we and our babies deserve. Good luck and best wishes for a more positive, supported and happy rest of your pregnancy and birth. Xx
OMG! ((HUGS)) what an utter nightmare, the ‘joined up’ care is sometimes so bad it’s ridiculous. I have to say that I wouldn’t have another baby on the NHS, after my experience with my first pregnancy (miscarriage very badly handled), and second pregnancy I nearly died in labour due to lack of intervention (my husband near the end was told to choose which one of us he wanted saving – nice!)
Then other basic protocols were ignored (maternal temperature in labour, waters broken over 24 hours) and my Little Miss developed Group B Strep (kills 70 babies a year) because she’s wasn’t given AntiB’s automatically after she was born, and then spent 10 days in SCBU.
Like you say I’m not sure if it’s a nationwide thing with maternity care or if it’s a Cambridgeshire NHS thing? All I know is I wouldn’t put myself or any of my children through it again. So I know how you feel – give ‘em hell! xx
Poor you, what a total total nightmare, it’s just so frustrating. You deserve far better care than you are getting and it’s shocking that at this important time in your life you’re just not getting it. Shame on them. While yes it’s true that the NHS does a lot that’s good and I have been on the receiving end of a lot of good stuff, sometimes they are shocking. When I was pregnant the first time around, my baby was diagnosed with triploidy, which they told me meant “the baby was incompatible with life” – interesting definition eh? It was devastating and then when we went in to meet the midwife to discuss things further she said “so, I’ve been Googling since we spoke earlier today…”. My husband and I sat open-mouthed and demanded to see a consultant.
Anyway, you rant away, it’s therapeutic and give them what for!! Good luck with the pregnancy and I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you that the blood test results are all clear.
Xx
Oh Karin. That’s not good at all and you do deserve better. It’s horrible to see you clearly upset too. Hopefully the fact that they know so little about this virus means that they rarely see it in pregnant women, so the changes are you will be absolutely fine. Of course you should have been given some reassurance by someone. You shouldn’t have been left in the way you were.
The referal, or lack of, isn’t acceptable either. Lucky you were able to sort that out but of course it’s not your job.
Try and relax, easy for me to say of course, waiting for results is horrible but remember it seems incredibly rare.
In London, they take this seriously. My friend was exposed and was given blood tests straight away. She got the all clear. However, she was told they test just to make sure but most people have had it as children anyway. I really hope you get this sorted, it’s all a bit of a shambles really isn’t it, and stress that you could well do without! Best wishes. Emma
What a nightmare. All the “processes” can be so enraging and then when they drop the ball – no wonder you are fed up! Glad to hear that you made a complaint – let us know how that process goes.
Oh no, how frustrating and disappointing! I hope you get it all sorted out soon, and that the rest of your pregnancy is more relaxing xx
Oh dear. That’s really bad service! If that’s any consolation, a while back I had to check into the slapped cheek disease as Marie caught it (although we didn’t realize that it was that until well after it had gone), I came across the fact that more than 95% of people got it as a child so chances are that you are immune. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. let us know what happens! X
I agree with Rosie Scribble; chances are you’re fine otherwise nurses and midwives would know more about this virus. I’m afraid that’s the NHS for ya. Crap, useless and very often a waste of time. There isn’t one GP in my surgery who knows a lot about autism, many know nothing at all. And what really angers me is whenever I go to see my own doctor, who is actually very supportive, he always refers to his big yellow manual when we talk about my epilepsy. Not very reassuring is it. I spent £1,700 on private health last year as the NHS couldn’t give me an appointment for six month when I was having epileptic seizures. I haven’t been able to drive for 19 months because they messed about so much. So I have no faith in the NHS at all. God bless you. Keep us posted.
CJ xx
I have to say I disagree with some of the other commentators. For a free service (well paid for by peoples NI contributions) I think that it is a fantastic, if not really overstretched service. It is the people on the front line of things that tend to get pushed about from pillar to post the most. I have had numerous m/c’s and 2 very traumatic pregnancies resulting in a crash section and then an emergency section with Mini. The midwive teams (at opposite ends of the country) were understaffed and under resourced, but always got back to me, even if it was the next day. I have blood taken regularly and know that at my surgery they never take blood on a Friday either. Regarding testing for antibodies, it can be a time consuming thing to do, maxi had all his specific antibodies tested as a toddler and it took a couple of weeks and we know that this is the actual time it took, as we have family that works in the path lab testing the blood!
Sometimes all we hear about are the bad and we forget that these people are mostly of the caring profession and never set out to cause upset or distress.
With regards to wanting a c-section, I didn’t want one with Mini, as I hated the crash one I had with Maxi, but my consultant would have preferred me to have one. You will often find that you don’t get to see a consultant till late in the pregnancy unless you are high risk and they will possibly agree to one without argument.
Why not ask to make an appointment with a community midwife and explain your concerns and ask that she advise you on the best way to get the birth that you would prefer. I often find when dealing with all things medical (and believe me I have had enough dealings to last a lifetime) it is best never to google and to always lead with “dear so and so, you are the expert, so can you advise me how……” It gives them a feeling of power, whilst you remain in control of your situation.
Finally try not to worry about the things you can not change. You are growing a baby and that is hard enough without the added worry.
It’s awful to be so stressed about what should be a lovely time for you. I agree it’s completely frustrating because of how personal it is to you and I think I’d feel exactly the same way.
Having said that, my experience of maternity care was nothing like yours and here in the North East, my midwife was lovely, she always called me back within an hour if I couldn’t speak to her straight away and she was very knowledgeable. My daughter was breech and I had to go into the hospital at 37 weeks so they could try and physically turn her and it was awful, the midwife held my hand throughout and stroked my hair and I don’t know what I would have done without her. My son was high risk and i had extra appointments right through my pregnancy and I couldn’t fault any of the team then either.
I really hope that it gets sorted out for you soon so you can concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy x x
Karin – sorry though I am to say this, with a second baby and with the NHS I don’t think your treatment is abnormal
I wasn’t booked in until 17 weeks on the NHS with Bigger despite repeated hassling and with Littler I spent many weeks banging up against the system – with a second child you are only seen a couple of times and the assumption is that unless something acute happens it isn’t essential because there is so much other pressure on the system
You need to be pushy, you need to find someone who is proactive and understands but you will not get care like you are used to in the US even if you go private
Sending you love and hoping most awfully that all is ok for you and the littlest one x
Muddling Along,
Thanks love…how unfortunate that this seems to be a common problem. Thank you for sharing and hopefully everything will turn out ok w/ our results!
Karin
Cass,
How wonderful to hear a positive story. That’s so great for you. Since complaining I have noticed a definite difference in attention from the midwives. Maybe it pays to shout! Thanks for sharing your story and I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.
Karin
It’s not just at your PCT things like this happen. The community midwives in Leeds are overstretched to the point where you are left wondering if this situation isn’t downright dangerous nevermind sustainable.
With the Wee Man I didn’t get a scan until I was 19 weeks (Gp said detail faxed multiple times while hospital said they never received them) and couldn’t self refer to the hospital. When I went in labour at 38 weeks with the Wee Man being breech and merconium in my waters I was classed as an emergency yet the maternity unit would not answer the phone nor the radio calls from the paramedics while we made our way in and left us banging on the door for 15 minutes.
Through the whole pregnancy I saw my own midwife twice and then after she left her job it seemed that any random midwife who was available was called upon. Every midwife appointment was triple booked and every scan time had three or four women waiting to be seen by two sonographers.
This time things have been different but I have changed to the other maternity unit in the city. I called to rearrange my dating scan as had no one to look after Wee Man on the allocated date and they switched my consultant appointment to follow on from it directly afterwards. Before I left the building that morning I had my anomaly scan, GTT and consultant appointments for the rest of the pregnancy booked. Now midwife appointments are another story entirely. The gap between appointments is so long that the booking system didn’t stretch far enough in advance so I have to book it next week for some far off date that I can’t even remember since my last appointment was two months ago.
If you’re not happy with the level of care you are receiving jump straight to the top and get a letter of complaint written to the Supervisor of Midwives.
Hey, it definitely pays to shout!
I too am disgusted at the NHS after my pregnancy with twin boys ended very prematurely at 27+3 and we sadly lost our first born son Aidan. After a 10 week stay in SCBU; the haven of the NHS as far as staff go – lovely ladies and gents (mostly) who we can never thank enough; James is home with us and I feel blessed to have him.
I try to assure myself that regardless of anything the outcome of my pregnancy would have been the same but deep down I know that none of the so called ‘health professionals’ I dealt with during that time can honestly look me in the eye and tell me that, and we will never know.
The consultant I should have seen throughout what is supposedly considered a ‘high risk’ pregnancy who I only met once before he reappeared in the delivery suite.
The sonographer who told a tearful frightened me at 13 weeks after suffering a bleed, I shouldn’t have just turned up, luckily they could squeeze me in but in future I would have to go through my doctor.
My doctor who when faced with the same panic 2 weeks later when I suffered another bleed was content with a brief telephone conversation and failed to even see me himself let alone refer me for a scan.
‘My’ midwife who I only saw once the entire time and who was otherwise out of the office, as you say, having tea and who at 25 weeks didn’t have time to see me.
The list goes on to well past the boys were born and the treatment I received when I suffered a post partum haemorrage 13 days post delivery, another trauma which I am almost certain could have been avoided were it not for my concerns falling on deaf ears once more.
But here we are, us three, at the end. A lot stronger and willing to shout a lot louder than before. It seems clear to me now that being trusting and respectful to these individuals is all well and good but your instinct is far more accurate than one person’s ‘informed opinion’ on a given day, so shout and keep shouting until they listen!
Kate xx