Cafe Bebe Playgroup Rant
Little Miss at Play Group
We’ve been attending a local playgroup for the last several months, Little Miss and I. I’ve had mixed feelings about it more recently but events yesterday have sealed its fate…playgroup will be no more, I fear.
My other question with regard to playgroups centres around the childminders who invariably bring 1-4 children to most playgroups. The childminders at the playgroup we attend are a pleasant enough bunch but I’m a bit taken aback by the way that they handle the children they are minding. One childminder grabbed her own daughter (approx 1 1/2yrs) by the arm to drag her & pick her up while she roughly jostled another year old child on one hip.
I’m guessing they have to pick their battles and/or lower their standards but the runny noses, scruffy appearances and rather rough handling wouldn’t lead me to feel confident in leaving my child in their care. Maybe that’s just me though. I prefer my child to be clean, cared for and safe. Crazy, I know.
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Ahhh the sanctimommy! The parents we love to hate. I had my own run in with one today! I nearly called her a VERY nasty name (check my twitter feed for details) in front of her child, my child and a couple other parents.
Oh Karin! My heart went out to you watching that as I can see how much it’s got to you through your voice
It’s awful that people can make you feel like this. I’ve got all this to come so can offer now advice. I believe it only gets worse though and escalates to what my friend calls “The School Gate Mafia”.
p.s. I did chuckle at your ‘I appear to have turned into my mother’ comment
x
I think that was a very calm rant, good to tell you didn’t record it immediately after I left you this morning
I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you with any of it whilst we were there, but when a baby’s gotta feed, he’s gotta feed. We will miss you at Playgroup but I completely understand and respect your stance. For the record, we love you both and think you’re fab xx
Oh the perfect mummies with their perfect children all sitting in a corner with their perfect friends, having their perfectly polite conversations about Tilly’s ballet lessons and researching schools for Tarquin at age six months, passing judgement on all and never to blame for their children’s faults or actions.
I agree with Mummy Matters, that was a very restrained rant and I can’t believe that none of the other adults there helped you. I think you’ve made the right decision not to go back. It really doesn’t sound like it’s worth the stress or the hassle.
It’s really difficult to watch that happening to other children. Some childminders take on too many children and some are not suited to the job. I have left playgroups in the past because of the way some children are treated/neglected. Great big hugs lovely because you’re such a brilliant Mum and caring person xxxxx
Think you made the right descison, it is not worth putting yourself thru something that you don’t like. I am going thru something similar with my youngest son at the school gate. He just wants to do what the big boys are doing and if i say no, the tantrum starts and then i get the stares….. What fun!
Poor you Karin, please don’t feel like a “crappy mother” you are NOT!
I always find that the childminders stick together and the mums stick together and don’t really interact. Saying that, I talk to everyone as refuse to be pigeonholed into a “tribe”.
I also think it is a first child syndrome thing – when my Beansey (now 7) used to have the biggest strops ever, I felt embarassed as if it was somehow my fault and also felt rubbish at times. Now Pixie is my 2rd child I am much more “dont give a shite” and parent her how I see fit without any thought for what others think, definately an experience thing!
PS All my kids are snotty nosed and scruffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I try my best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love S.A.M xx
Superamazingmum-
Thanks…I appreciate your kind words and perspective as well. I tend to have a rather clean child as I’m a bit OCD! It’s all very interesting this “playgroup/playground mafia” isn’t it?? Making me think…
Thanks again,
Karin
Frankie-
I think half of the problem is our fear as parents of being perceived as a bad parent. I shouldn’t worry about what others think but it is hard when you get those looks down their noses!
Grrr.
Karin
Michelle-
Thanks lovely. I think playgroups certainly have their purpose but the key appears to be finding the RIGHT one for everyone concerned! I think we’ll go for another morning at nursery instead!
Karin
Kat…
It was quite restrained actually. I didn’t want to swear! Thanks so much for your support! Too bad this seems to be an all too common problem.
Karin
Mummy Matters-
Sorry we’re going to have to bail but I just don’t feel welcome. Maybe you’ll find it’s better or at least different without us. 
Thanks for being a wonderful friend though!
Karin
It’s ok…I didn’t expect you to help me…you help me enough every day!
SAHMlovingit-
Thanks sweetie…I survived. We’ll choose more wisely next time. Too bad we have to be so horrible to each other as women though, eh? It only gets worse I think! Great….something else to look forward to!
Karin
Kat-
Ooh, naughty! Yes, mummies…I tell you! Thanks for stopping by and sharing and good luck at your next playgroup!
Karin
Good rant! Feel better now?!
We’ve stopped going to a local playgroup because of the divide between childminders and mums. Actually, I was often the only mum there so it wasn’t like we were ‘tribes’. But not one of the other women has ever said as much as a ‘hello’ to me! They are openly hostile – I think they all know each other very well and like to be there to socialise with each other and feel that I’m somehow intruding. It’s a shame, because this is really the first group I’ve tried going to on my own – I usually take a friend for moral support!
Anyway, their strategy has paid off because after a few tries, I’ve given up going. Now the weather’s nice we’ll go to the park instead thanks!
Young Mummy-
Let me know how you get on. Maybe we’ll come meet you…Little Miss would love to play with Ez and Fonz! 
Bless you sweetie! That’s so sad…it’s so hard. You go with all these hopes and wishes and think that’ you’ll find friends for life. Some do but it seems like a lot don’t. I did have good success at our local Sure Start Children’s Centre but we were attending classes mostly. I think the park is the way to go!
Karin
I’ve found a lovely group that I go to with @missleslieanne run by old ladies, the tea is free flowing and the Mum/carers are all lovely.
But I tell you what I’ve been to some awful groups just like the one mention. The worst I have been to are actually childminder groups! I’m talking real cliques just like you describe.
As a Mum of two and an ex childminder though I will say keeping noses and faces etc of more than one child clean is a definate art to be mastered! Seriously their is always an orrifice leaking!
I dread to think what these minders are like in their homes though if that is the way they treat the kids in public. Personally I’d call Ofsted and advise some spot checks and I’m not kidding. If my child was in their care and they were picked up by their arm I would take that gal down to CHINA FRIGGING TOWN. Ahem.
Great post
)
Bec…
Aw, I wish we were close enough to you to go to your (and Missleslieanne’s) playgroup! Sounds like a corker. As for the childminders, I’ll have @MummyMatters keep an eye on them for me and maybe make an anonymous call to the OFSTED police!
Sorry about the noses…I’m OCD! At the first sign of a drip I’m all over it…but I only have one so that’s not very fair eh?
Karin
I’m not a very social person, and have tried a couple of these “mummy and baby” groups, but I typically find I have nothing in common with the other mothers, and nothing to chat to them about. So these days I avoid them.
It’s very easy as a parent to assume your child is right and the other parents/children must be wrong. I know I do it, and it’s a quality I dislike in myself. I can understand completely how you feel – I’d feel upset if people talked to me and treated me like that.
I think you’re right to find another group that suits you better. Good luck!
I feel your pain! I would describe myself as an outgoing sociable person, who gets along with most people. I never did though find a Mother and Baby Group that I felt comfortable at with either of my boys. In the end I gave up, which was a shame, but hey it never did them any harm.
Why don’t you and your friend have your own Mother and Baby mornings, take it in turns each week, you can both then chat, catch up and your children will have the opportunity to play together
) x
Carole-
Will think about it!
An excellent idea…I am an “organiser”!
Karin
I’ve come here from Mummymatters blog (she’s my cousin) and have sat and listened to your rant.
Mother and Toddler groups are like a special circle of Dante’s Hell as far as I’m concerned, and always seem to be dominated by the alpha female types and their cowering little pack. If you’re lucky there will also be a small contingent of normal people there but if this contingent is very small it’s hard not to be overwhelmed by the others.
Rest assured that you are instilling exactly the right kind of manners and behaviour in your child by the way you describe dealing with her – and the alpha mothers are going to be bringing up children who find out the hard way that you don’t always get what you want, because life isn’t fair!
M&T groups are in that past for me now, but I remember them well – I found them difficult and I’m sort of person who would have had quite a different (and blunt) response to Creme Egg woman.
I think you are entirely justifed in your rant and I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest!
J
x