Help Wanted! Surviving Toddler Temper Tantrums
This picture should have, as its caption, “The Calm Before the Storm”. You see, about 15 minutes after this picture was taken, Little Miss gave us our first taste of a full-on, public temper tantrum the likes of which we’ve never seen. The Hubby and I looked at each other later in the day and said, “Where did our precious little girl go?”
I’m sharing our experience with you in Video Blogging form…not the temper tantrum, mind you…just the story of it. That would be cruel to video a temper tantrum! Wouldn’t it? Yes, it would. **note to self: do NOT use video camera to shoot moments of hellish misery**
I would love to know how you deal with temper tantrums in public. I thank the heavens that I had my husband with me otherwise I’m not sure how I could have coped! If you have tips or tricks…please share them. I’ll put the best ones in a follow up video blog to share your suggestions with the world. Please help us survive any future temper tantrums!
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I will be reading the responses to this with eager eyes. Belle had her first public tantrum at a Christening the other week when she realised the after party wasn’t a birthday party and there wasn’t any music or candles on the cake! It was a full on melt down and we had to leave early! She is two next week so you have been lucky to get to 2.5 without one
Sorry that is not a helpful response at all but at least you know you’re not alone
I can’t stream your video
It keeps hanging.
My advice would be to just keep calm and try your best to divert her attention. If you get stressed, she’ll see it and act up more. Also, once it’s died down just forget about it and don’t dwell on it with her. It will only draw attention to the fact she acted up and caused a scene and neither of you want to be reminded about that.
We haven’t had any public temper tantrums yet thankfully but ones in the house we deal with like this and it seems to work.
Hope it was a one off for you Karin x
Oh bless her! And bless you! Its scary when they start their tantrums. The most important lesson I learnt, and learnt the hard way was that every child is an individual, all the “magic techniques” are fine but you have to find what will work for you and your little one. With J its about avoidance, yes sometimes they werent able to be avoided but for the sake of either spending 30 minutes dealing with a tantrum or agreeing on one more go on the slide why face a tantrum when another go on the slide is the way to peace and harmony?
Think about how you feel when she is going at it with all her might, are you able to ignore and walk away or does that not work for you?
Good luck! And I promise it does end! J’s 4 now and now we just have attitude rather than tantrums!
I think SAHM’s advice is spot on. I laugh and make fun of her silly face or the big noise. I then deflect to something else. Even if it’s “what colour is this” or “what do you want for dinner”. Anything to take away the anger part of it. This usually works. Although she then turns into a giggling stubborn little madame.
However, that said, when she has a tantrum these days (which is rare especially when we’re out) it lasts 30 seconds at its worst (feels like a lifetime) so we’re doing something right.
If it involves lying on the floor I pick her up and over my shoulder or in a baby hold and tickle and kiss and blow raspberries. It’s hard for her not to giggle.
Good luck
Well now….why not give my method a try once. It doesn’t hurt anyone and leaves a message to not do that again. As I mentioned to you in our IM this week, logic doesn’t work with toddlers. Also, they can not get the upper hand and “win” in those situations or all will be lost for quite some time.
Give it a go…I love you.
PS…I don’t know psychologically what the underlying problem is, but it is something the majority of children go through. They are trying to assert their independence and see how much they can accomplish or get away with…testing you.
I totally stand by the individuality of each child and no tactics work on every child.
However, these are tried and tested on many children I’ve worked with and it seems to work on a large percentage.
It sounds to me like she is at the development stage where she is in a power struggle with you guys. I’m afraid gone are the days of her falling into your routine and just going along with your plans without a little tactic playing from you.
These key areas I would suggest you should be address to try to avoid meltdowns…
Give 3 time warnings of new actions- For eg…’We will be going to the car soon’ ’5 more minutes and we are going to the car’ ‘Time to go to the car now’
It may still result in a meltdown for a while after all if you were told to do everything when some else told you to you’d be stroppy too, but it allows her to schedule events.
Distraction does work too, so before you announce these changes focus on a new events interest to her eg. ‘then we can listen to your cd in the car…’
When the strop happens re apply the distraction ‘do you want to listen to your cd?’
When all this fails and it will at times esp. to begin with, remove her from the situation as your husband did, she needs to learn paddy throwing is not going to achieve anything.
Never back down on the 3 time scales or you go back to square one immediately.
Try to do this in many aspect of your day, she will feel more in control when she know what is happening next long before it happens.
If you are filming and ever have the chance to film a meltdown do so as it is a priceless learning tool for you to see what triggers her off when you watch it back, you may see something you miss in real time.
Finally don’t ever be embarrassed of a paddy throwing child it only ends up stressing you more and making it all worse.
No one will think badly of a child being scooped up and told ‘no that behavior is not acceptable’.
Good Luck.
Remember you are in charge but let her know the plans and think she has some control even if she doesn’t.
Hope I haven’t ranted in Supernanny mode too much! xxx
Totally agree with all of Mumra’s points. My Monty is quite the paddy thrower and I have beaten myself up over it far too frequently.
If you are at home my advise is just to simply walk away, either go and do some housework somewhere else, pop out to the garden, go and read a book in the loo whatever. Obviously make sure she is safe, don’t leave her juggling knives but believe me it is hard, but effective!
It took me a long time to relaise that the reason everyone give this advise, is because it is true!
Advice, not advise. Doh!
Honey, don’t get stressed, don’t be sad. Just remember that we have all experienced this (and quite probably dealt it to our own parents too). It’s just Little Miss trying to push the boundaries you have set for her because she’s growing into a little girl.
Having witnessed many such incidents in my parenting life, the best advice that I can give you is to take a deep breath and carry on regardless. It’s just a phase and look on it as a preparation of worse things to come over the next 18 years!
Next time I see you I will show you the melt down of all melt downs from Sonny as captured on video. We thought that would stop him but oh no! A toddler in full fury is not to be understood – and as long as you don’t try, you have the winning hand. xx
http://qwertymum.blogspot.com/2010/10/terrible-twos.html
This is my sorry story of public displays of temper and how to deal with them
I’ve recorded you a little vlog about our experiences. No idea if I can embed it here or not, so all I can do is try. If it doesn’t work I’ll post it on my blog and link to it instead.
Yup, the embed didn’t work. So I’ve published my response on my blog: http://www.geekmummy.com/2011/03/geekmummy-tv-on-toddler-tantrums/
Geekmummy-
Thank you for contributing. I’ll pop on over to see it this weekend. I’ll include you in my follow up vlog!
Karin
Qwerty Mum-
Thanks very much for your link…I’ll pop on over and see what I can learn!
Karin
Sian-
I will look forward to seeing Sonny’s video…he must be so proud! I’m trying not to stress but am having a bit of a parenting wobble which is obvious, eh?
Karin
Bec-
The other day Little Miss threw a mini-wobbler in the back garden. I just walked away and then came back a few minutes later and it was done. I’m not sure the neighbours entirely appreciated it but I don’t care.
I’ll work on the “not caring” part…might take a while. Thank you for your advice though lovely!
Karin
Mumra-
Wow! Will you be MY Supernanny?!? Brilliant suggestions and I’ve already tried a few this week. I guess I need to relax a bit and try not to worry about what others think. I know Little Miss is testing and sometimes she’s winning. Well, who am I kidding, most of the time she’s winning! We’ll get there. I may need more advice though!
Karin
Grandma Kathy-
I may give your TREATMENT a go but only at home! It might be funny actually. I’ll tell her that Grandma made me do it!
And yes, Little Miss is definitely starting to assert her independence!
Karin
The Moiderer-
Karin
I can’t imagine laughing working but I’m willing to try. I think it might infuriate her more but I’ll add it to the list!
Thanks very much for taking the time to suggest solutions!
Simply Hayley-
Yes, I would agree that knowing what triggers a tantrum and then avoiding it if possible is the best method. I do try to set her up to succeed but we still have our blips.
Thanks for taking the time to suggest!
Karin
SAHMlovingit-
Karin
I hate hanging video! Let me know if it remedies itself!
I do get stressed so I’m trying to just walk away. We haven’t had another PUBLIC one so for that I am grateful! I’ll work on my attitude as well…that’s half the battle, isn’t it?
This motherhood thing isn’t easy is it?
Carly-
Hopefully I’ll get a follow-up vlog next week to give some of the solutions/suggestions! It’s not fun at all is it?
Karin