Who am I? The Prime Minister?
Prime Minister's Questions
Today I’m a little bit famous. I’m quoted in an article in The Daily Mail. A very lovely jounalist and fellow blogger, Liz Fraser, is the author of the article. It’s an article highlighting the prevalence of the internet in the lives of Stay-at-Home and Work-at-Home Mums. I willingly offered a wealth of information to Liz about how important the online community has become to me since becoming a mother. Liz wrote an excellent article about some of the negatives about being online too much. Let the bitching begin…
As I was on Twitter this morning there were swirls of negative comments about Liz and the article which I think is unfair. Liz wrote about one side of the story. I was not misquoted. There ARE negatives to spending so much time online. I know this first-hand. I spiraled myself into a very dark hole last summer in part because I was spending too much time online. I was living by the stats, how many followers I had, who had unfollowed me, who wasn’t reading me anymore…it wasn’t pretty. I don’t blame Twitter or Blogging but they were contributing factors. Sometimes you just have to put the computer/laptop/smartphone down and LIVE. Well, not sometimes…you just DO.
But blogging and being online has given me a lot as well. I’ve been introduced to a whole community (British Mummy Bloggers) who have given me support and a network of friends that I never would have imagined. Blogging has given me WORK. Paying work. Blogging has made me a better writer. It’s made me more confident about my abilities and given me a bit of myself back in the crazy world of the Stay-at-Home-Mum.
I asked Twitter to tell me their thoughts on what the online community has given them. Here are some of their responses:
- “Twitter and Blogging got me through some dark times after falling out with friends. It was a lonely time.”
- “Whenever I have a query or need some help, I put it on Twitter and mums reply with great advice.”
- “It’s very important for a new, isolated mum. Blogging means I have an outlet and I have received great advice along the way.”
- “I have been on Twitter for 2 years and have received so much support in addition to making real friends.”
- “Night feeds, illnesses, worries…all sorted with a quick tweet.”
- “I don’t see many other adults apart from my mum! I don’t neglect my child. He gains from my Twitter correspondence because I am in a happier frame of mind.”
- “Twitter has allowed me to talk to like minded people. Being a SAHM can be lonely & Twitter and my blog has given me an outlet to communicate.
- “It’s given me confidence, support and friends! What’s not to love about social networking?”
Twitter/Blogging/Facebook = A Good Thing! However, aren’t there times when we could put it down and interact more with our children? I know I could. My husband would also say “Amen” to that one. Perhaps the lifeline can sometimes become an addiction that isn’t healthy? Would the world grind to a halt if I didn’t respond instantaneously to the email that just “pinged” through? Will the financial markets collapse if I don’t Tweet a picture of what I’m making for dinner? Will my television viewing be less entertaining without watching a stream of Twitter hashtags about #BFGW (Big Fat Gypsy Wedding…so entertaining!)? Probably not.
Sudocrem is great Mummy!
Little Miss regularly picks up any device (remote control/calculator/old mobile) and plays on her “pooter” just like Mummy. I do get “Mummy, put your “pooter” down” occasionally. I do get a Little Miss coated in Sudocrem every so often. But I also have a very confident, independent young lady who is fully capable of entertaining herself and interacting with others including her Mummy. We go on adventures; we bake; we colour; we laugh; we watch telly. We love eachother and that isn’t changed by how much or how little I am online.
Little Miss is at nursery this morning. I have gotten work done and my house is mostly in order. I am happier for having the work to do. I’m a better mother, wife and me. I’m pleased that Liz wrote the article and proud to have been quoted in it. She’s a wonderful journalist, author and mother who wrote about one side of internet communities. Maybe she’ll write about the other side? Maybe she won’t. Life goes on and stories are forgotten in place of other ones. Let’s remember that.
In the meantime, have your say…do you spend too much time online? REALLY! Do you?
**Slight correction on Liz’ article…I am quoted as “Karin Joyce, founder of The British Mummy Blogger site…” I am NOT the founder of The British Mummy Blogger site…that’s Susanna Scott to whom I bow down in reverence. The misquote is simply an error. Rest assured, I have not given myself a new title. I am a contributing editor to the BMB Blog, however…feel free to love me for that!
Unfortunately, editing by someone other than Liz leaves that as an incorrect title and she has apologised several times to me already, and all is well now!! These things happen in the Big Bad World Of Journalism. It’s not Liz’ fault at all! In fact, Liz has even let me know that in her NEW BOOK (coming to a book store near you soon) there’s a whole CHAPTER dedicated to the benefits of the online community! A WHOLE CHAPTER! That’s very exciting!**
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I was amused to see some of the comments this morning from the piece. I would question why the outrage and criticism. Defensive outpourings from feelings of guilt stirred by article maybe? OK no I’m not a SAHM or Mummy Blogger. I am a dad, a daddy blogger and one launching a new business. BUT this article made me sit up and think. Yes I probably have been guilty of some of the things mentioned. Sometimes we need articles like this to make us do a health check, if all is well great move on, if it isn’t change something. The world is evolving and sometimes we just need to take stock. So to Liz great article keep up the good work and to Karin well done on keeping discussion going. I’m sure it took some consideration.
I’ve just read the Daily Mail article. It reminds me of the Have I Got News For You ‘joke’ about mums spending all their time online at the expense of their kids. Gross generalisations, and, like the Mail itself, anti-women and sexist. Playing into the hands of the Mail’s male executives, who would like to see all women barefoot, pregnant and chained to the Aga.
Sorry!
Liz’s comment sums up my thoughts better than I ever could. I thought the article was pretty harsh. I spend most of my day online because, unlike the perceptions of some of the commenters of the Mail article, I work online! It’s a little different fo me because me daughter is seven. Twitter and blogging weren’t around when she was little. Your post is lovely and well-balanced. You’re a great tweeter and a great mum – it is possible to be both!
Funnily I have been tweeting about the article you mention which kind of proves the point.I agree with Karin that sometimes you can get so hung up on follower numbers and hurt when one unfollows but then today have had a giggle so like the previous comments its all about balance. My 7yro son is aware of twitter and sometimes asks to read what I’ve put. I have tweeted in front of him and maybe haven’t always leapt to his attention if on the computer but that doesnt make us bad parents. I got lost once in car and rang my mum for directions she said she’d help me when Corrie had ended. Same problem different generation
oh *sigh*. I get a bit fed up at both sides of this ‘argument’. Most parents using social networking aren’t going to be using it to extremes and the idea the social networking is going to lead to neglect is a bit ludicrous – sensationalist generalisations don’t help anyone. But at the same time, we can all afford to be reminded of the need for balance, exactly like daddynatal said. Nothing wrong with a ‘health check’.
I love my internet ‘world’, but it’s only one part of a much wider life. I see blogging, and social networking as a hobby. I, personally, think that people for whom it’s their ONLY hobby, or if all their other interests and hobbies are somehow online-based, are in danger of falling out of balance and probably need a rethink. But we all do well with a bit of connection and community. Not rocket science, is it! If you’re doing anything ALL of the time, it’s probably not good for you!
Well done on a well written, well-balanced post Karin x
Great post you give a much more balanced viewpoint. In comparison the Daily Mail article, they seem to be trying to layer on the mummy guilt with a trowel in order to get their usual polarised responses back from their readers. I do like Liz Fraser though, I have even got one of her books
I think it is possible to do social networking and parenting at the same time and I think you are a good example. Unlike myself I struggle with social networking but admire people who can.
Hi Kez-
Thank you for your comment. I agree that the Daily Mail article does present only one side of the story but there are definitely truths in it including what I had to say. Liz is a fair and balanced journalist who was writing an article. She lays her own issues on the line as well. None of us are perfect and sometimes it is good to have a slight reality check. Thanks very much for taking the time to comment and for your kind words.
Karin
Josie-
Thank you lovely lady. I think Liz’ article is a fair one, albeit one sided. There’s so much pressure out there to be ALL THINGS isn’t there? I agree…a reality check is definitely needed and I know I need reality a bit more these days.
Thank you for your kind words and for your sensible response. Love, Karin
Lisa-
Interesting about your mum! That generation had telly to distract. Maybe even had ironing to distract. Perfect point…same problem, different generation. I certainly know I am not a bad parent but I do know that I could put down the “distraction” of Twitter and blogging a bit more than I do. I think leaving the country might help it!
Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your views.
Karin
Rosie-
Thank you for your comment lovely. I appreciate your kind words about my post and my parenting. You are very sweet. I am torn about this as I really like and respect Liz and appreciate the article even if it does only paint one side of the picture. I know the Mail is controversial and conservative but I guess I didn’t get offended by it like some have. There are so many sides to every argument/story…blah. I’ll continue to work and parent the way I do…not much that a paper can offer will change that. But I do appreciate the kind words of my friends and if I didn’t have blogging and Twitter I would never have met the likes of you. For that I am grateful!
Karin
Liz-
Thank you for your comment. I don’t really know what to say other than, not having the wealth of experience that you do, I don’t feel quite so strongly about the Daily Mail. I know it’s conservative and controversial and often gets it’s facts wrong but the same could be said about every other paper. But thank you for reading and weighing in.
Karin
Good post.
I have written a short blog post about the article too. I think it was very relevant and something which a lot of people could take from. I also say in it what DaddyNatal says in that it can act as a little health check on our lives. It highlights the dangers of the online world but it doesn’t mean everyone is like that.
Carly-
Thank you for your comment and I’ll be sure to go over and read your post. I think a reality check is a very sensible thing from time to time. What is truly important? I think sometimes, in order to be better parents we do have to consider the ME part of the equation. Thanks for sharing!
Karin
Well, as a mother who has also fallen victim to the horrors of Sudocrem, you have my sympathy! I thought it was a balanced post and I happen to agree with it. I am guilty of over-using the internet and not being a good enough mother. And I can’t bear it when I see mothers sitting on a bench at the park, flicking away on their phones, instead of playing with their chidren. It’s made me think, anyway. And that’s the whole point, isn’t it?
Daddynatal-
I did not mean to slight you by not replying! Please forgive me. You bring up some very valid points and yes, I think there might be a bit of “too close to home” for some of us, yours truly included. Thank you for commenting…I really do appreciate it!
Karin
What annoyed me is that it makes out that just because we have an online life that we 1. spend all day online and 2. we are neglecting our children. Though its ok if we are doing the housework to ignore our children. The Daily Mail is forever mummy/women bashing and it really annoys. I know some mothers do ignore or neglect their children but its not fair to generalise.
Carol-
Thank you for your reply. I really don’t feel that the article was saying that. I think that being online can become an issue and I know, personally, it has been and can be an issue. I’ll admit that. Liz was reporting on one side of an issue and admitting that it has been a problem for her. We all know how much the online community can help and I know Liz will be featuring that in her upcoming book. Yes, the Daily Mail took the negative slant on it, as ever, but it is a valid point. I think the psychologists comments aren’t wonderful but Liz talks about how she sympathises with mums. No, we don’t need added guilt but I think it’s a fair point. Perhaps someone needs to write an article about how Daddy’s are glued to their newspapers or the Rugby while their children are clamboring for their attention? That happens too doesn’t it? Thank you for sharing your opinion though. I do appreciate you commenting and your points are certainly valid.
Karin
Morning! I came over from the BMB blog hop and wanted to say congrats for getting a mention in the Mail. I too have been at the mercy of DM comments and it’s not pretty. What I love, however, is that you really GET that the journalists have little control over what actually gets printed. Sure there are sloppy journalists, but most of them are great, just time poor and under an immense deadline – plus their editor comes along and makes mistakes too. Anyway, getting back on topic I know I spend too much time online and I feel very trapped sometimes; this article helped me realise that once again because I could resonate with what was written. But we have to remember there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’. The internet (as well as iphones etc) are a tool and it’s up to us how we use them. A chainsaw is a tool, we can cut wood to keep ourselves warm or we can saw someone’s arm off – it’s just a tool and it’s up to us, as intelligent adults to use it wisely.
Easier said than done for sure …
I think this is a serious issue! Mums, especially bloggers, need to balance their online and offline lives. While I don’t like the Mail slant, Liz does make some good points. The headline however is very similiar to a NY Times article that come out last year.
Karin while you aren’t BMB Founder, you are a founding member and a very valuable contributor, not to mention an editor of the BMB Blog!
A Modern Mother- Yes, I think you’re exactly right and I think that’s why this article has touched a nerve. Perhaps we all feel a little guilty for trying to have it all?!
And thank you for understanding about the new “title”. I am very proud to be involved with BMB!
Karin
Mrs Green- Thank you for coming over from the BMB Blog Hop! Glad you’re enjoying it! Yes, I think we all can learn from this article. Sometimes a bit of a reality check is a good thing. And it most definitely is easier said than done!
Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment. 
Karin