Twins, Triplets and More-Guest Blogger

Twins, Triplets and More Week is in full-swing courtesy of Tamba.  The always lovely Linda Jones, of You’ve Got Your Hands Full fame has asked if she could stop by Cafe Bebe and have a bit of “open mic” time.  But of course!  Friends are always welcome at Cafe Bebe!  I give you Linda Jones…

They've got their hands full!

A generation ago, we all knew where we were with twins. It was fun to give them similar sounding names like Tim and Tom or Lottie and Dottie and great to dress them up in identical outfits to look cute. It still can be of course. They  were given one present between them at Christmas and on their birthdays and books on bringing up twins emphasized their “sameness”.

But today there has been a complete U-turn, with families anxious to recognise their children as individuals and not just half of “the twins.” Now parents of multiples are going to great lengths to make sure that as well as treasuring a special bond, their children learn to relish their independence. From the moment twins are born, people compare and stereotype them – which is the eldest? Which is the quietest? Which is the strongest?

It is important to realise how damaging this can be – affecting not only how the children are seen by the outside world – but also the way they see themselves. (It can also be a massive pain in the arse, I don’t want to compare my children throughout their lives, really.) Mum of two-year-old twins Tracey says: “I am very conscious about bringing my two boys up as individuals – they have never been dressed alike from the moment that they were born. I tell everyone to send them separate birthday cards and if they want to take them out for the day, I am more than happy that they go out individually – this also means that they both get their own time. I am also clear that Jack and Sam are never referred to as “the twins”.

Mary, a mum to four-year-old boys adds: “With the huge amount of information being exchanged across the globe these days and research data on the long-term effects of parenting, we are much more aware of the damage that can be done to multiples if they are not treated as individuals.” According to Tamba, the Twins and Multiple Births Association, twins should be encouraged to achieve a sense of their individuality by dressing them differently from an early age.

But the charity advises new parents: “For the first few months, don’t worry too much about how you dress the babies. You will be so busy that any approach that fits in with your schedule and budget is OK.” As the children grow, it may be continue to be fun to dress them identically. It’s up to us all as parents how we do it. Sod’s law means that anyway, the children may *want* to dress the same.

Twins at play should not have to share their toys. Giving them one toy between them is likely to limit their urge to explore and lead to frustration and fighting. And you should always make a special effort to address each child by their own name. This may sound like stating the obvious. But sometimes, it’s easier said than done…. Asked his name at nursery, soon after joining with his twin brother,  one little boy replied: “It’s Michaelandjohn.”  

This week is Twins, Triplets and More Week. As the awareness week gets under way, the focus is on an initiative called Get Ready for Multiples which aims to tackle post natal depression in multiple birth mums.

Nearly one in five mothers of multiple births develop PND  almost double the number of mothers of singletons who experience this debilitating condition. Tamba also offers a free helpline, Twinline, on 0800 138 0509.

Linda Jones set up You’ve Got Your Hands Full to offer advice, support and information for parents and carers of multiple birth children. She’s also a former Tamba magazine editor. This week her blog is hosting a week of guest posts from bloggers with twins or more and would welcome posts for a carnival to be held on July 2 all about multiple births. Check out You’ve got your hands full for more details.