Is blogging taking over in your relationship? Do you find yourself addicted to your laptop? Do you get twitchy if the computer is not on? Do you wonder if everyone will forget you if you don’t blog for a weekend? Well, I can answer yes to 3 of the 4 and I think my other half might answer yes to all four!
It’s a tricky business this blogging, I think. When you’re just blogging as a “personal diary” and you don’t really care who reads your work or what comes from it, blogging is just a lark. It remains a creative outlet and serves as a hobby. But when you’re wanting more out of your blogging, like I am, it is different I think. I’m trying to make a tiny career and income out of some freelance writing and have also found myself in a nice position of being invited to various functions and events. It’s work and fun all rolled together into one.
I’ve also made some amazing friends through blogging. Some are my “tweeps” with whom I share daily trials, tribulations and triumphs. Some of those “tweeps” have become bonafide friends who I have met in real life and have tons in common with. Some of the contacts I have made through blogging have brought me some professional opportunities and success as well. I feel like I’m finally finding my footing by building my own network of friends here in the UK. I’ve been here 5 years now and FINALLY I feel like I’m not just my husband’s wife…I’m my own person with my own passions, hobbies and friends. It’s a nice feeling. And that’s not to put down my husband at all…it’s just nice when you’ve made your own friends and your own “place” without just being someone’s spouse or other half.
However, I know that I let the writing, blogging and networking take over sometimes. Some of it is down to the lack of equipment which many of you know about. Not being able to get enough done during the day then requires me to get things done at night on hubby’s laptop. We’ve also been getting Little Miss down to sleep later and later as of late. Hubby hasn’t been getting home until around 7pm and then we are having dinner as a family and a bit of playtime for Daddy (as he’s only seen her for about 30 minutes in the day). Finally bath time, story time and bottle means that often times it’s 9:30 or 10:00pm before hubby and I have time to ourselves. We’re both knackered then and often fall asleep on opposite pieces of furniture in the lounge! Or I’m wrapping up some blogging/writing things while he watches recorded motorsport.
Weekends tend to be our best time together as I dramatically reduce my computer time then. We have full days as a family and my time on the computer is only fleeting. I am thinking that what I need to do is once hubby comes home at night, shut off the bloomin’ computer. But there are the odd times where I truly NEED to do a few things later at night. Also, hubby doesn’t really have a hobby of his own to occupy him when I am working. This makes the fact that I’m doing something and he’s not more divisive. I think I need to take advantage of some of my writing streaks and save some posts and schedule them for publishing on the weekends and make use of programmes that Tweet for me when I’m not online to maintain the presence that is needed to keep one’s blog “up where it belongs”.
How do you divide your blogging time and your family time? Does your other half understand what you do and why? Is he supportive? Does he have his own “thing” to do to occupy his time which allows you some of your own time? Do you have arguments about your writing and how much time it takes? I’m looking for sage bits of wisdom here…I’m looking for ideas. Please share with me…
For me I am one of the diary bloggers as I admitted to you the other day. Sure one day I would love for something more to come of this,but just now I am content as I am.
I do however spend a lot of time on the PC. If I am not Tweeting, blogging, on Facebook then I am either working (I work from home) or playing The Sims (I’m addicted!).
I am lucky that Mon-Fri I get use of the PC at night without ‘Daddy’ needing it as he isn’t here and so I get a lot done then. I have a list of things that I need to do each day and as long as I get them done then PC use is fine!
The only advice I can give is to do what works for you. It might be that you make one day a week a no PC day (something we are considering here) or even that you can’t use the PC before or after a certain time… You’ll find something that works for you!
I can see how sharing the computer would drive you nuts. If I was you I’d make this your goal – to get your own laptop and then you can maybe organise your time a bit better so that you do your blogging-related stuff in the daytime. You should treat it like a career if you want it to be a career – it’s the only way.
Thank you Liz. I’m preparing my “I need a new laptop now” proposal. And then it’s a chat about how I’ll use my time and what we can do TOGETHER!
Thanks for your suggestions…
I have started using a programme that tweets an old post for me every six hours, (much to some people’s dislike, but I find it works for me). Some people do schedule posts, but I don’t do that at the moment. As for blogging, I write when the mood strikes. I’ve always been quite prolific, so I’m luck that way. My main problem is that I do a lot of research and reading for my blog, rather than just doing ‘opinion’ stuff and that tends to take a lot of time. DH and I do tend to sit in the loung on our laptops though, and it’s not unusual for hours to pass without us interacting. We are more aware of it now though, so we make sure to have quality time elsewhere – whether it means we clean up the kitchen together after K’s gone to bed (so we can talk) or whether we cuddle on the sofa while watching something. It’s really just about making conscious choices daily. The fact of the matter is we don’t NEED to do anything. We WANT to do something to stick to our blogging schedule or whatever, but that’s not REALLY need, is it? I agree though – my big thing is about ‘conscious’ parenting. And being lost in the laptop while Kyra entertains herself isn’t really conscious parenting. And that’s something I am sorely aware of. Glad to know I’m not the only one thinking about this stuff though!
Yes, I suppose having hubby NOT there at night does make a difference! I’m working on a plan and working on having only “emergency” computer time on the weekends. It will be good for us all!
I’m really lucky that my OH is really supportive, but I do try to keep my blogging to a minimum at night and on the weekend, esp Sunday as that’s his day off. If I do blog at night I only do it two nights a week and I’m off by 9 so we can spend time together. He lets me have an afternoon to my self on his day off in the week to blog, he understand my need to write and also now i’m making an income from New Mummy’s Tips he knows I’m working which I need to do for my sanity. My MIL is going to have BG one day a week going forward which will allow me to get quite a bit done so that I don’t intrude on our time. Nap time is probably when I write most
Great post. So glad I’m not the only one feeling like this. I’m super new to blogging and tweeting, but have soon realised that it is taking over my every waking thought – and last night i dreamt about reading RSS feeds and tweets (oh dear). My OH is supportive but now thinks i’m obsessed (he may be right). So i think “no computer nights” are in order. Plus, I started the blog simply as a way of documenting the trials and tribulations of a project i’m working on, and i need to keep up with the work on that! I think my big problem at the moment isn’t writing – i can do that in nap times, but all the technical and networking side of things, (though i am enjoying the networking side, of course).
I don’t know what the secret is, but will read other people’s comments with interest. I do feel like my time on the computer eats into the time I spend with my OH, and I feel bad about that.
The babies’ naps keep getting shorter, and so my blogging windows are getting smaller and smaller. I remember some advice once that you should write your own posts before reading everyone else’s, but I find that hard.
I think we put ourselves under too much pressure. Pressure to be present on Twitter, pressure to blog regularly, pressure to comment on other people’s blogs.
I’m off on holiday tomorrow for a week and am relishing the idea of a week without the internet. I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with my lovely husband, and to having a bit of brain space for a while. I feel guilty that I haven’t scheduled any posts or asked anyone to guest blog, but to be honest, I just haven’t had time!
What I have to keep reminding myself (when I’m on twitter while the babies play) is that I only get one shot at being their mum, and at the end of the day, it’s more important that I spend time with them, than maintaining my online presence. xx
I’ve stopped using the computer in the evenings unless I do actually have emails I need to do. I also have an Iphone which is embedded in my hand and I have had to under go surgery this week to remove it and spend time with my husband after a MASSIVE fight.
Right now the kids are eating lunch and watching TV I get some time here and eat my lunch, but once that’s over I do what I gotta do. i’m only ever on the computer when they are eating or relaxing!
I think it is quite difficult – Twitter/Blogs are a whole little community and it does take up time – particularly as you are trying to make money from it too – have to put in the effort….
I definitely think if you organise your time better then when you do blog you can do it guilt free… I definitely leave my weekends free for family they would go mad if I blogged then! I do find a sneak a look at Twitter a good few times on the iPhone though no matter where we are – can’t help myself (….. ADICT…..) xxx
Good timing on this topic, my husband and I had a ‘discussion’ on this yesterday. He thinks I spend too much time on the computer and to be honest I agree. Where I struggle to draw the line is when I’m doing it for pleasure & when I’m working. I think I’m going to go cold turkey for the weekend and have some thoughts about having a cut off time for the computer on our evenings together.
Probably no help to you but has helped me to write it down!
My husband never uses the computer so I have it to myself. Amy uses it occasionally but I tend to go on the laptop at night when I just want to tweet.
Blogging is very important to me; I spend a lot of time updating my blog and looking at blogs too, I guess it does take a lot of time but it doesn’t interfere with our family time thank goodness.
CJ xx
I’m all for ignoring a pile of ironing in favour of blogging/Twitter but I think if it starts to interfere with family time then no, there *has* to be some laptop free times.
My OH is really supportive of my blog but I know for a fact that he wouldn’t be so happy if it ate into ‘our’ time together so I am really careful not to have our evenings and weekends eaten up by it.
There are some really good comments here, in particular one from Liz saying about if you want to forge a career from this then you have to treat it as such.
I hope you manage to find your balance though x
Can I be brutal? We have a 7.30 bedtime for the girls and either Mr is here (he tries to be one night a week) or it just happens without him.
I need my adult time and the girls seem to do ok on a rigid bedtime routine. We tried pushing it back but they got cranky and I needed a stiff drink!
Given he tends to be home 8.30/9ish I then get a clear hour on the laptop without him being here whilst juggling dinner and then its off when he walks in the door (which is how I guess he hasn’t realised the scope of my addiction!)
And I don’t really blog at weekends… but then I think less people read at the weekends anyway
Tough though (and doesn’t include me hiding in the bathroom to check on Twitter!)
Thanks for your input lovely…I’m trying to think of a way to work things. I took a bit of a break this weekend. Only checking Twitter on Sat eve and a few times on Sunday. I did a post early Sun am and ended up with really good traffic on the day despite only tweeting to “pimp” the post. I think I’ve found a good balance for the weekends. Now to see what I can sort out for the week. I do need to get an earlier bedtime for Little Miss though…hmmmm.
I’m trying to find a balance. It’s hard when you’re actually trying to make a living from what you’re doing as well. I’m having a lot of questions at the moment and not a lot of answers but I really appreciate your support/advice!
My hubby doesn’t understand or like computers which is part of the problem. He sees them as ANTI-social which in a way, they are. It’s a difficult thing to balance I think…I’ve got to try to find that!
Did you find a balance for this weekend? I stayed off the computer for the most part…just checking a few times but I did do a post early on Sunday morning. I am doing more of a gradual withdrawal approach…it’s not easy, though! I’m going to work on some compromising…I’ll keep you posted! Thanks for commenting
Yes, Wendy…I took a big break from everything this weekend, only checking occasionally and doing a post early on Sunday morning and it felt a lot better for our family. I know hubby doesn’t understand though so it’s hard trying to explain it. Thanks for sharing your experiences too…
For better or for worse, I don’t have a phone that I can use for that. I think hubby might really go ape if I had a Blackberry or iPhone. I’m going to try to balance myself better going forward…it’s not easy though…I find I get a bit wrapped up!
Let me know how you go…
Good luck on your internet-less holiday lovely. I love your comment about having only one shot at being the babies mum…that’s so true. I’m trying to figure out how to do better with that one! I’ll keep you posted. Have a great holiday sweetie!
Obsessed may be the right term. I do tend to get myself overly wrapped up in things and I may just be overly wrapped up in this! I need to find a balance…I’m not always good at that though…
Interesting post, I had a huge argument with my OH just shortly after I had started and it has cropped up since then. I even wrote about it one week for Josie’s WW!
Therefore I only blog when the girls are asleep. My tweets are few and far between which is sad as I haven’t been able to make many friends in the community yet and I can’t get round to visit and comment on as many blogs as I would like to. Netalone use BMB or Judith’s room as I had planned to.
I would love this to become more in the future but right now I have to accept my lot and focus on the family.
Best of luck
Thanks for taking the time to comment! It’s a funny old thing really. I find that I had some new pride in what I was doing and achieving but now I’m feeling bad about that as it’s affecting my relationship. I don’t know what the answer is! But thank you for weighing in. If I figure it out, I’ll let you know…
I could have written this! My blog is a bone of contention in our house. Before I started blogging my husband would spend all evening on his laptop on facebook or u-tube but since I’ve discovered blogging and I’m on my laptop most evenings, he complains that I have no time for him! Even with my ‘real-life’ friends, I find myself forgetting to ring them because I’m blogging. So definitely I think relationships can suffer – I love blogging and if I’ve been absent for a few days I really feel like I’m missing out on so much but I’m trying to remember that I have a life outside of the blogosphere x
I could have written this post as well! It’s really frustrating – I recently found myself made redundant so like yourself I am working towards making some sort of income, however small, from the blog. Because I’m now at home all day with a two-year-old I don’t get much time in the day for reading/writing which means I do it in the evenings – and even though my husband knows what I am aiming for he resents the time I spend on the computer. I think part of it is that he doesn’t see blogging as real ‘work’ – perhaps this will change if it ever starts making money! I also think he gets annoyed at me ‘hogging’ the computer all evening. I think the weekend thing is the key; I hardly ever blog on Saturdays so that’s when we get to spend quality time together with our son – except when he’s on the golf course!! I hope one day I’ll be able to afford some childcare which will mean I’m not snatching an hour here and there for blogging, but in the meantime we are just muddling through.
Sigh…it is a tough balance isn’t it?? Good luck to us both! Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience!
Well I don’t have a Other Half so I suppose that solves one problem, but I have found in the past that I’ve been preoccupied with twitter or replying to comments when my daughter is home, so I’ve had to make sure I switch the computer off when she gets home from school. I blog for fun, not for business purposes, but I agree completely with Liz’s comment about doing it in the day time – set yourself some work hours and stick to them. This is possibly the only post I’ve replied to today and I haven’t tweeted at all. I don’t see any harm in switching the whole thing off and walking away for a day, possibly longer. I find life is a whole lot better when you’re not tied to the computer all day. Having said that, it is rare for me not to be on my laptop all day.
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