The Best Laid Plans
I didn't mean for this to happen!
I have found, thanks to my over-active imagination, that the best laid plans often go awry. This stems from a compulsion to create the best events possible and to have the most amazing things happen. My dad used to make every holiday, no matter how small, special. I remember for my mom’s birthday for many years he used to make cards and pretend that they were from some of my mom’s favourite celebrities or current event figures. He wanted to make her special day SPECIAL.
More recently I’ve had a number of things happen where I anticipated something brilliant happening and I ended up more than a little disappointed. But I never say anything, do I? May I please vent now?
- Anniversary- Hubby and I have taken to NOT buying each other anything significant for our anniversary as we just don’t have the money. I would settle for flowers and a card. And a kiss. And remembering to say “Happy Anniversary” when I wake up. I got a card. I gave a card.
- Mother’s Day- I had grand ideas that I might get flowers, breakfast in bed, a nice day out. I got a card and a bottle of Bailey’s (good times!), no flowers and made everyone’s breakfast myself.
- The Baby Show, ExCel Arena- I had more grand ideas. I was going to do live blogging, live tweeting and maybe even live vlogging! I was going to visit lots of cool stalls and find some brilliant new products to promote. I was going to create a scintilating video of the event which everyone would love & PR’s/Companies would be so impressed with that they would flock to me. As there was NO WI-FI, I could do virtually none of the above. I did manage to live tweet a bit thanks to a friend’s 3G Mobile phone (could I have one of those? no!). But that was it. There were so many bodies and such little space that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. 3 hours flew by and I had to leave. All plans of brilliance and a bit of technological genius were left on the floor of the ExCel centre. Pahhh.
I find that I build up these special events and occasions so much that I almost always end up disappointed. I want everything to work and for others to feel special and it rarely happens. My over-active imagination creates these visions in my mind of what those days should be like and how happy everyone would be. I find this in all aspects of my life- my relationship with hubby, my daughter, my house, my blog, my writing.
My writing! Could I pick a worse profession to want to be successful in? There are thousands of blogs, millions of posts, tonnes of articles submitted every day. To get noticed is difficult. Rejection is inevitable. I should have a tougher skin. But I don’t. I take it personally and feel like I’ve failed. I see others around me achieving success and I wonder why not me? Perhaps it’s hormonal…maybe I’m just subject to days where I feel a bit inadequate. Today must be one of those days.
Do I need to LOWER MY EXPECTATIONS? Do I need to stop worrying about what other people think? Do I need to just do what I can and be happy with the result? Do I need to stop waiting for others to live up to my hopes and dreams? Maybe I wouldn’t be disappointed. Maybe I would just be happy with whatever comes.
This post is written in support of Josie’s Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop for writing prompts #2 and #4- what eagerly anticipated experience turned out to be a complete & utter let down and share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.
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Ah Karin, you need to lower your expectations a little, espeically when it comes to men!! I dont often feel really bad about things, part of this is that I have come to have lower expectations of people and events. I do not put my high standards on everyone else.
It is hard to start with, but then I realised that it was the small things that mattered. The fact that we made it to the sea wall yesterday, yes it was cold and I was procratinating, but we went and the boys adore getting wet. They matter, my man matters adn I have made my world smaller rather than bigger and look to them for my approval
That is lovely advice…thank you!
oh my, you have hit a nerve here. I am the worlds worst at having high expectations. But the higher they are the harder teh disappointment. I didn’t get birthday, valentines or mothersday last year. This year I expected didly squat, and do you know what…I got a blender! What a turn up for the books!
I can totally relate! I’d adore a bunch of flowers, or some little but meaningful gesture, it’s the little things that count, isn’t it.
I think part of my problem is that I expect from others what I expect from myself, and evidently no one else expects as much as I do!
Sadly I am absolutely no help!
I understand this Karin. I’m sorry you feel so disappointed. It’s hard when there’s so few resources and you end up saying ‘don’t worry next year’, when actually you’d really like a pressie or some flowers. A man once told me that men don’t get why women need to be reminded that they love us. His argument was: I’ve told you already, isn’t that enough? Stress, economic stress and all of the other day to day stresses really wear our relationships down. You do have friends. You are loved. Your man does love you, he just thinks he’s showing you by working hard and providing. Maybe he needs a reminder that daffodils are plentiful in country lanes this time of year, and they’re free! xx
You’re so sweet and lovely Veg! I love daffodils…and tulips, they’re my favourite. Usually tulips are in peoples gardens though…bummer! Great ideas tho!
I think that once you’ve been together for a few years, you tend to forget to continue to show each other how much you love them. Thanks for your support! 
I find that if I lower my expectations to the worst thing then I am always pleased when something better happens!
I don’t like the idea but you are very correct my dear!
I’m finally getting to the stage where I can see Mr Muddling’s romantic gestures for what they are – he won’t get me flowers or a card but he will sort out my laptop, move my washing line and set me a fire in my bedroom
I think its good to have high hopes – just to not get disappointed when other things interfere and stop them happening
I suppose you have to realise that there are things in life you can’t control, so you shouldn’t worry about them. Easier said than done, I know. Just think about what you can change and focus your energy on that x
There’s not much else I can add to what the others have said.
But this is my first visit to your blog, mind if I hang around?
Beth
Ok, here’s a confession. Ant used to be RUBBISH at that kind of thing. Like, really rubbish. Like, probably I wouldn’t even get a card rubbish. Then after a couple of years I worked it out.
He would say to me a bit before the occasion “Did you want to do anything special?” and I (like a fool) would say “no darling, whatever you want to do will be lovely”.
And then he would do virtually nothing and I would be SO hurt and upset. So here’s what I learnt.
Men are (mostly) stupid. They need it spelling out. They need you to say, “Do you know what would be lovely on our anniversary? Some flowers, I LOVE flowers”.
Yes, I know that takes all the spontaneous romance out of it, and part of what we earn for are things completely unexpected. But be careful what signals you’re giving out. If you’re saying “I’m not expecting much” that’s probably what he’ll think! They are RUBBISH at mind reading.
x