The Best Laid Plans

I didn't mean for this to happen!

I have found, thanks to my over-active imagination, that the best laid plans often go awry.  This stems from a compulsion to create the best events possible and to have the most amazing things happen.  My dad used to make every holiday, no matter how small, special.  I remember for my mom’s birthday for many years he used to make cards and pretend that they were from some of my mom’s favourite celebrities or current event figures.  He wanted to make her special day SPECIAL.

More recently I’ve had a number of things happen where I anticipated something brilliant happening and I ended up more than a little disappointed.  But I never say anything, do I?  May I please vent now?

• Anniversary- Hubby and I have taken to NOT buying each other anything significant for our anniversary as we just don’t have the money.  I would settle for flowers and a card.  And a kiss.  And remembering to say “Happy Anniversary” when I wake up.  I got a card.  I gave a card.
• Mother’s Day- I had grand ideas that I might get flowers, breakfast in bed, a nice day out.  I got a card and a bottle of Bailey’s (good times!), no flowers and made everyone’s breakfast myself.
• The Baby Show, ExCel Arena- I had more grand ideas.  I was going to do live blogging, live tweeting and maybe even live vlogging!  I was going to visit lots of cool stalls and find some brilliant new products to promote.  I was going to create a scintilating video of the event which everyone would love & PR’s/Companies would be so impressed with that they would flock to me.  As there was NO WI-FI, I could do virtually none of the above.  I did manage to live tweet a bit thanks to a friend’s 3G Mobile phone (could I have one of those? no!).  But that was it.  There were so many bodies and such little space that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.  3 hours flew by and I had to leave.  All plans of brilliance and a bit of technological genius were left on the floor of the ExCel centre.  Pahhh.

I find that I build up these special events and occasions so much that I almost always end up disappointed.  I want everything to work and for others to feel special and it rarely happens.  My over-active imagination creates these visions in my mind of what those days should be like and how happy everyone would be.  I find this in all aspects of my life- my relationship with hubby, my daughter, my house, my blog, my writing.

My writing!  Could I pick a worse profession to want to be successful in?  There are thousands of blogs, millions of posts, tonnes of articles submitted every day.  To get noticed is difficult.  Rejection is inevitable.  I should have a tougher skin.  But I don’t.  I take it personally and feel like I’ve failed.  I see others around me achieving success and I wonder why not me?  Perhaps it’s hormonal…maybe I’m just subject to days where I feel a bit inadequate.  Today must be one of those days.

Do I need to LOWER MY EXPECTATIONS?  Do I need to stop worrying about what other people think?  Do I need to just do what I can and be happy with the result?  Do I need to stop waiting for others to live up to my hopes and dreams?  Maybe I wouldn’t be disappointed.  Maybe I would just be happy with whatever comes.

This post is written in support of Josie’s Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop for writing prompts #2 and #4- what eagerly anticipated experience turned out to be a complete & utter let down and share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection.