Pork Pie and Other Faux Pas

Traditional Pork Pie

For those of you who weren’t around last week, on Friday I was one of over 70 bloggers who participated in Guest Post Day, started by Erica at Littlemummy.  I had the joy of Guest Blogging for Vegemitevix who is my Kiwi sister, I think!  We have a lot of similarities as Expats and wives of Englishmen.  I give you my post which was written for Vegemitevix last week…just in case you missed it!

Pork Pie and Other Faux Pas

When I first moved to the UK, there was a massive learning curve that I never could have anticipated. It was 2005 and I was thoroughly loved up with my fiance Mark. He had come to collect me in Caen, France after I had finished my study abroad semester. I was never so thrilled as when he drove up, slightly bleary-eyed in his Volkswagen Passat. We spent a day driving across France to Geneva, Switzerland to spend a week with Mark’s sister and her family (our little match maker, she was) and then we journeyed back to England. 2 June, 2005 marked the first day of the rest of my life in this country and I’ve never looked back.

I quickly learned key terminology to allow me to survive. I learned that I spoke American and not English and that my (at the time) fiance was ENGLISH and not BRITISH. I was not fully aware that the UK is made up of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland and that most residents are rather particular when it comes to their nationality. I have educated my family and they no longer call people “Brits”…they are learning too.

Vocabulary was a whole different kettle of fish. Chips in Engand are Fries in the US; Chips in the US are Crisps in England; Pants in England is Underwear in the US; Pants in the US is Trousers in England. Pudding in the US is a chocolate or other flavoured custard-like substance that one eats following a meal; Pudding in England is either Yorkshire or the general term for DESSERT. So much to learn!

And don’t even get me started on spelling and pronounciation. I have dutifully learned that one of my FAVOURITE PROGRAMMES is NEIGHBOURS and not one of my favorite programs is Neighbors. I have learned to COLOUR and I ENDEAVOUR to FLAVOUR my SAVOURIES with salt. I now eat TO-MAH-TOES and BAH-NAH-NAHS. I nip to the shop for some bits and bobs and I try not to nick the last one of anything. I’m learning!

One lovely day, the first summer that I was living here, my future inlaws and assorted family all came over to our house after some outing. My sister-in-law-to-be had picked up several meat pies and a pork pie for lunch. She brought them into the kitchen and I started bustling about with them to get them in the oven. I found space for all of them. The beef and onion pie, the steak and ale pie, the quiche and the PORK PIE. That’s right. The Pork Pie went in the oven. What did I know?? Pie + Meat = Oven right? WRONG!

A pork pie DOES NOT go in the oven as I was to learn. It is already cooked and is meant to be eaten COLD. A pork pie has a pastry outside and a pork (and other bits I’m sure) inside and inbetween the two there is a gelatin layer. Now, what do you suppose happens when you put a pork pie, with its gelatin layer, in the oven? The gelatin layer melts, leaks out and effectively ruins the pork pie. And pork pies are not cheap! I went to the oven, checked on the pies and pulled out the tray (thank God I had put it on a tray) with the Pork Pie. It was swimming in now-liquid gelatin. Everyone looked at it and laughed and said “You put the pork pie in the OVEN???” I was MORTIFIED beyond belief. I had ruined the pork pie and had made myself look very AMERICAN in the process. This little mistake is still brought up every time a pork pie is involved. “Remember when you put the pork pie in the oven???” they say. Ha, bloody ha! My family wasn’t mean and they weren’t angry with me at all…they just had no idea that someone WOULDN’T know what to do with a pork pie. Cultural Faux Pas number 762.