Midlands Bloggers at the Pampers/UNICEF event, 2009
I have come to realise that I am throughly entrenched in the weird and wonderful world of blogging. Sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing? When I began blogging in May of 2009, I never would have imagined what it could have done for me or how it would have changed me. I’ve found myself; found my voice; found new strength thanks to blogging. I’m a more confident person now but I still have a weakness…a tender heart. I take knocks and it seems that quite a few others do as well. Some react well, bounce back stronger and shake it off. Others don’t. Some bloggers have hung up their blogging boots as it just wasn’t worth it. The word bullying is one that’s dropped in the press these days here in the UK and I wonder, sometimes, if it’s happening here in the blogosphere.
Many bloggers stay well out of it, write, read, enjoy and don’t get sucked in. Some bloggers seem to be at the centre of every hullabaloo in the Parent Blogging community. Some bloggers fan the flames and some light the fires. Why? Why do we do this to each other? The UK Parent Blogging community is small but growing and we need to support each other and be proud of each other’s achievements.
It’s hard, I think, when there are incentives involved. Those of us who are more competitive and are making part-time employment out of our blogs and our writing are understandably ambitious. But what does that ambition get you? Not so very long ago, I was motivated by PR requests and a “just ask” philosophy. I received things in exchange for mention and/or review on my site. I now see that those choices may not have been correct. I never wanted to be seen as a “swag hag”. I wanted to be recognised for my writing and maybe become a “top blogger“. Not for the acquisition of THINGS but for the sense of accomplishment and for the knowledge that people enjoyed what I wrote and wanted to tune in for more. I have changed my tune a bit and focused on my writing and found a new energy for my writing.
Suddenly I have a slightly different feeling about blogging. I appreciate interest from PR’s but I am not desperate to snap up everything on offer. I see opportunities for WRITING and not for GETTING. I want to be respected so I’m trying not to get bogged down in the mud with the games that are played. It’s a bit like secondary school sometimes! But what I don’t see are the Daddy Bloggers getting sucked in. The Mummy Bloggers seem to be the ones throwing teddies and smearing each other. Is it our hormones? Our female nature to lash out? Our Maternal Instinct kicking in? I think the Daddy Bloggers are far wiser in this case…just blog…don’t slog!
I’ve really been welcomed into the UK Parent Blogging community. I’ve met new friends who I think I may know better than some of my real life friends. I know if I have a “wobble”, I can turn to one of them for support and a virtual shoulder. I love this weird and wonderful world of blogging. I’d just like for us all to just get along. The Bloggers who have taken me under their wings and have given me professional advice know who they are and the list is longer every day. I would like to say, to all of you, thank you for the love and for the warm welcome. I hope we can all just take a step back, realise that there are far worse things going on in homes all over the world and share the love again.
what a great post Karin! and you are so right about the daddy bloggers not getting involved, sensible things that they are. there is too much bitchiness between women in general, you see it everywhere – you go out for a nightout and it is the women looking what everyone is wearing, who is doing what, who is talking or not talking to who and bitching about it in the corner the men don’t care they just drink and enjoy themselves.
Working in a very male environment in the RAF I was quite sheltered form all this bitchiness for a few years and was shocked on emergence into the real world just how unpleasant women can be.
I think the best thing to do is rise above it. If you can. Always something easier said than done.
Well said my dear!
I do believe that most of the trouble is down to hormones! Silly hormones… 
I LOVE THIS POST!!
It’s changed my world too, it’s rocked it!!
If it wasn’t for blogging & the new friends I have made , I think I may of slipped into a bout of depression. When Oli was first born I had not long moved to a new town , so I had no friends and only Jon & The In Laws there for me who were at work most the time. Having you guys there during the day is fantastic. I always know there’s a mummy blogger who’s gone through something I’m going through – because they share it via a post and I always know there will be a mummy blogger online during the day if I need advice from what to do with Oli to cooking tips.
I get excited when PR companies email me asking to review some product of theirs , If it’s relevant to my blog , aka a Mummy product then I dont mind one bit doing them a favor by reviewing something for them – means I can something in return which I may not always be able to afford myself, so there actually doing me a favor!
I’m thankful everyday for the chance to be able to blog & interact with such wonderful people!!
Exactly! Well said you…;)
This is a great post Karin! I hope you get lots of comments on it because it’s a subject that deserves to be discussed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I never seem to be on the ‘in’ with all these cat fights in the blogging world! Like Heather my career has been working around men in the IT and Finance industries and whenever I’m involved in more feminine networks I notice the bitchiness. I wonder whether it’s simply women are more uptight about preserving their patch? I noticed when I first divorced that almost every one of my married female friends dropped me, no doubt because I was ‘after their man’?
Don’t get hung up on the whole freebies/writing thingy. It’s your blog do with it what you will. I’ve had restaurant dinners out as an editor so that I could write about the restaurant. It’s not a biggie. As long as you write honestly about your experiences.
Lots of love and encouragement V x
Oh bless you. I don’t have many female friends in RL due to this exact reason. I get on much better with men, hence my working in IT for so long. But you’re a lovely soul and a very good blogger friend, I always know I can ask for your help or advice. Obviously I’ve totally missed what’s going on at the moment. So I hope whatever it is, it’s not effected you too much and bug hugs to you.
xx
Thank you lovely…you’re one of my mentors! Nothing bad has happened to me, personally, but I see so much silliness going on and I just wish we could all be more “Daddy Blogger”-like! Just my attempt to wake some people up. We’ll see if anyone listens.
Thanks Mrs! I’m not hung up on the freebies…in fact, I feel better for not worrying about it. I love to write and share and that’s what I’m gonna do no matter what silliness goes on!
Hurray for Karin!!
Well said.
I think I may have to don a fake beard and moustache and become a daddy blogger. Sounds so much less complicated!
I’m a heads-down, just get on and write kind of girl and I’m much happier for it.
I have noticed amongst my real life friends that it is the men that never make a drama over anything
What? Something been happening, has it? Sorry, I was er… blogging. Took my eye right off the ball (and other such masculine sporting metaphors).
I must say I like the fact that men can ‘have it out’ (so-to-speak) and move on, often without recrimination. I’m not sure that there’s a great gul between daddy and mummy bloggers, though. Most of the dads in my position find themselves in a pretty-much all female environment (whether on-line or in real-life) – and that’s just fine by me! But years of talking drivel about football and dribbling your beer can take its toll: I’m happy talking about the fascinating subject of child-rearing. I like the variety; I love the company, and I’m very happy.
Like you, I don’t know where I’d be without it!
PS: Tell Josie she can be an honourary daddy-blogger any day. After all, I wrote an entire novel as a teenage girl!
Well said! Its a hard one, when I first started no-one read my blog, then it really took off. To be honest I was so blase about blogging that when Susanna asked me to join BMB which she was setting up I couldn’t even be bothered. Then I had a change of heart and thought I should join in and got sort of sucked into the competitiveness and found I was spending more and more time on the computer. I left for these reasons.
I think the trouble is that when you are not working outside the home, blogging is a really good way of talking to adults. I have to admit I have made some lovely friends (including you), but I have also suffered from trolls, hackers, and general bullying from other bloggers. I have spent nights awake so upset by things that I can’t sleep and days in a daze of stress because of lies that have been told, or things said. Or just the fact that a total stranger has taken sides against me for no particular reason.
I have approached a few PR’s to get the odd thing for my family, but in the main I have been lucky to have been offered a lot of stuff. I think this is because I have a fairly high Google ranking resultant of existing for so long. I have also been polite to people over the years. I think there is an element of jealousy abut this sort of thing which is getting a bit out of hand. I quite often forward stuff on that I can’t deal with myself to people. Its a tricky issue, if you can’t afford to buy something then getting it free is great, so I can see where the upset arises.
My motto when commenting is ‘never say something you wouldn’t say in the real world’. I think this serves me fairly well. Others don’t subscribe to this and I have to admit to being shocked what some people are like when I have met them. I the real world they are meek and mild mannered, on the internet plain rude!
I know a few daddy bloggers, they seem a reasonable bunch. Men are not so driven by material baby products I guess! Men also have a lot more experience of the internet and have been through these arguments in the past on various forums etc too which makes a difference.
In the last few months I have done my blog for me, I don’t care who reads it and the quality of my writing. It’s full circle to where I originally was. This feels great, right for me and I’m more happy doing it that I have been in ages.
So, in summary to this long ramble, (written with a baby dangling off my leg): Blog for you, write what you like, write when you like, read and comment on others when you fancy and take yourself out of the competition. Life should be fun, if its not don’t do it. This applies to everyone and everything.
Its great to see how your writing is taking off Karin, I am so impressed with it all. You are one of my Top bloggers xxx
I think the bitchiness has gotten worse since twitter’s really taken off as it spills out of the post and into day to day conversation. Although it’s difficult, it’s best to try and ignore the drama
I’ve talked about this a lot with colleagues, and I think it’s just growing pains.
It’s very easy for everyone to agree and get along when there are 50 or 100 blogs, and people are mostly blogging in the same way, and at the same sort of level of audience.
But blogging has exploded. You’ve now got thousands of parent blogs in the UK, some with huge audiences, some very small. Bloggers write their blogs for loads of different reasons – some for income, some for reviews and new experiences, some to express something they can’t talk about in real-life, some to make friends, some to develop their writing. Often, bloggers have a mixture of all of these motivations.
When you’ve got such a diverse community, it’s natural that disagreements will arise. It’s just life. Not everyone feels the same about everything, and in any community of this size, there will be people who agree with you, and people who don’t. No big deal.
Similarly, it’s natural that when rewards are available to some bloggers but not others, someone, somewhere will be envious. That’s not a big deal – I’m envious of my sister-in-law’s kitchen and the chap’s ability to play the guitar AND the piano. We’re only human.
But what I think we (bloggers) haven’t quite got the hang of yet is how to handle these disagreements online, without them becoming personal attacks or without throwing around accusations of bullying (a word that’s massively misused on the internet).
We perhaps need a thicker skin when we blog – the reality is that it’s incredibly easy for people who are slightly rude in real life to be really rude on the Internet, with the benefit of distance and anonymity. So how upset should you really be when someone who has never met you, has no role in your real life, and is basing their opinion of you on a few lines of text says they think you’re an idiot?
My personal view is that most women are really good at handling other people in the real world, and getting along with those who have different perspectives and experiences – and we’re smart enough to work that out in the virtual world, too. I just think it’s also smart to be prepared for one or two bumps along the way.
In the meantime, my philosophy is ignore the negative, focus on the positive, and just you do what you need to enjoy your blog, your writing and your online friends.
Very good post Karin and good comments too! I don’t have much to add. Stay positive and ignore the crap is what I’ve learnt. Hormones definitely play a part in how we react to and deal with things. We’re not always rational! All of us get dips where we’re not enjoying it so much, but we all get a lot from it too *virtual mummy (and daddy) blogger group hug*
Interesting post Karin. I am happy in the fact that I have not yet really noticed or come across any bad feeling or bitchiness. Head stuck in the sand I guess, or perhaps I don’t follow the same people.
I tend to avoid conflict in real life, and I think I would be devastated if that made it onto my blog.
I life my life by the old ‘treat others as you would like to be treated yourself’ so hopefully it will pass me by.
I would call you a top blogger any day so i don’t think you need to worry about that! As for getting sucked into any hullabaloo i like to stay clear of any negative activity because i realy love blogging and all the wonderful friends i’ve made during this past year, it doesn’t seem worth it to jepordise it all for a few feather ruffles.
I enjoy the PR bits and i only review things that i either find interesting or i think would help out other parents like you and me. I would never think you were a ‘swag hag’ but i do adore that term lol!!
big hugs and kisses amy xxxxxx