The Nursery Question
Thank you Lyle's Golden Syrup & Fleishman-Hillard
I have been struggling with the thought of Nursery lately and would love to know what you do. Little Miss is 20 months old and does not go to nursery. In fact, she’s barely out of my presence throughout the week. The idea of sending her to nursery a few months ago gave me the chills. I don’t like the idea of her being in nursery for some reason. It’s probably my controlling nature and psychosis wonderful mothering. However, I’ve been wondering if I’m doing the right thing for her lately. Due to circumstances beyond our control and the cycle of friendship, we don’t have a great deal of social opportunities with other children any longer. We used to attend classes at our local Sure Start Children’s Centre and had a small group of Mummies and Babies who would get together at least once a week. That’s dwindled off now and Little Miss and I are left with each other. We still have our best mates to see every so often and we go swimming once a week now but I worry that Little Miss isn’t getting enough interaction with children her age and enough time away from her Mummy. She’s a very independent young lady who most certainly is not tied to my apron strings (if I wore an apron). On the rare occasions when I do leave her with family, she had no separation anxiety of any sort however, I have yet to leave her with someone she doesn’t know well or isn’t family.
Little Miss’ best mate is now attending one of our local nurseries 2 mornings a week while her mummy is in some workshops that are put on by the Children’s Centre. They pay for her to put her daughter in nursery (creche) while she’s in the workshops which is brilliant. The only way I could take advantage of this is if I attended the workshops and I don’t know that I want/need the workshops. What I do need is a few hours to myself. But I come back to the real question here…Does Little Miss need more? Am I giving her enough? Is she missing out on social opportunities because of my issues? What do you do? We really can’t afford to have her attend nursery even one morning a week as it would cost us between £20-30 for the morning. There’s a vague possibility of some PAID work for me in the near future and if that happens, I may seriously consider having her attend once a week to start. I’d love to know what other stay-at-home-mum’s do? How do you afford it? Have you seen benefits from your child attending nursery? Do you regret sending your child to nursery and why? I am eager to see the response and advice here. Cafe Bebe is open for suggestion!
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Hi! If you get the chance to get some paid work then I would highly recommend nursery or at least some kind of regular social interaction with kids not of your own choosing! I have a nephew who is about to start school who played rugby tots once a week for a term or two but other than that, has little contact with anyone other than his own cousins. He just doesn’t know how to behave around other children, especially not strangers. Children have a lot of social lessons to learn such as sharing, chattering and dealing with being teased! My Lara is only 8 months but I’m determined to make sure she is a social animal before she starts school and a nursery or playgroup is a great place to pick up those skills.
Every child and every family is different so there is no ‘right’ answer I’m afraid.
Both of my children have been in nursery and I have to say they have blossomed there. My son made 2 friends who he still sees now (he’s 7) even though they don’t live near by.
I too found it really really hard to let go. How could anyone raise them as well as I do? How will they know what they want/recognise their little signals?
But they do and I do think it has done my two the world of good mixing with lots of different adults and children of different ages.
They don’t do everything as I would, but then once they’re at school you will have to accept that anyway, so giving them a chance to experience it beforehand made the move a lot lot smoother.
Best of luck with it. Whatever you do you will agonise over it because that’s what we mums do!
I think all children and different and only you know what is right for little miss. Maxi went to nursery 2 hours per week from when mini was boen (when he was 15 months) and he loved it. I tried to pop mini in for 2 hours when maxi started preschool and it just wasnt for him at all.
So I think you need to give it a try, you can always change your mind.
Thanks Tara…I appreciate your comment. I’d love for her to go, just once a week for starters. We’ll see what the Money Fairy allows us to do!
I really should try some area playgroups. There’s one in my village and one in the next village over…a bit intimidating. Maybe it’s a way to start her meeting new people though. If some money comes our way, I will seriously consider sending her just once a week in the morning or something. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
I’ll see what my possible budget situation is and maybe have a trial at one of the nurseries and see how it goes. I’m worried about the dropping off!
As Tara said, there is no right answer – you have to do what is best for you and your family. When I stopped work and became a SAHM, I still put Little Miss into nursery as I felt that was best for us, I have some me time and Little Miss has the joys of nursery: friends, independence etc – she does things at nursery that I wouldnt even dream of doing (i.e. crafts etc). When you have a look at all the nurseries in your area, you will probably find one that just ‘clicks’ and you will feel happy leaving your little one there….and if it doesnt work out – you can always take her back out of nursery and carry on as you are!
I agree with Tara – everyone is different.
When my daughter was 18 months she went to nursery for 2 and a half days for 6 months. She struggled to settle in and as my working pattern slowly changed and I went on maternity leave with the birth of my second child we took her out.
We were very lucky that our village has a pre-school and takes children from 2 and a half. When my daughter (now 5 went) she settled in slowly, she only went for 2-3 mornings a week and they only charged £5 a session (that being 9.30-11.45am). It took her a couple of months to get into the swing of it but she loved it – wanting to go at the weekends too! After a while she went 5 mornings a week. During the year she was there I was between jobs or working part time. She played with other kids and came home with something that she’d made. I’m not a crafty mum … so that made me feel better!!
They then moved on to nursery every morning which is attached to the school and by that time we got 5 free sessions.
If I hadn’t been working she wouldn’t have gone to the first nursery, but would have always gone to the pre-school and then eventually the school nursery.
For me, it was nice to have some time alone with my second child and occasionally on my own and I thought it was really important that she was socialising before she went into full time education.
Sorry – this has turned into an essay.
We are lucky to have an excellent pre-school in our area and our son started there when he was 2.5. Our daughter, 11months, will hopefully be able to start the same pre-school when she gets to 2.5. However, if this option were not available to us, I would definitely have looked into sending them to nursery a couple of mornings a week and it’s something I looked into in depth before our son started pre-school. I think that time apart is good for both parents and children but that is my personal point of view. I am, however, a complete control freak about our children so I understand your position.
I was the same when my daughter first started nursery, there was a lag between her place starting and me finding work.
But Isobel loves it and I found that much to my surprise I enjoyed having precious moments to myself. We were both better off.
Now I work and Isobel is there 4 days a week. She has a fab time and has made some lovely close friends.
It helps them learn so many social things, things that as an only child I fear she wouldn’t learn elsewhere (mostly good, very few bad!).
I forgot to mention the financial aspect aswell; the pre-school our son attends is a mere £8 per session which has been paid for by the government scheme since he was 3. Prior to this, nusery is an expensive option so it makes the decision even more difficult.
I did, I did!!! What happened was Lily was 11 months old and slept approx 3 hours a night and I was exhausted. So my lovely mum realised that I might be more than a little insane, paid for Lily to go to nursery for 2 afternoons a week so I could sleep/get my hair done/go to the library/sleep. TBH she loved it, more than being with me I think. But it was good she learnt to share, play with other kids independantly, get covered in paint/flour/mud/poo without me screaming at her. It was also good for when she was potty/table manners training as she saw other kids doing it and followed what they did – hard if they are an only child. You get some time to yourself and appreciate her more when she comes back
Good luck! x
Such great advice and I love the thought of Little Miss making friends and having independence. This will be far harder on me than on her!
I love your essay…so nice to hear about other experiences. I feel like I need the time just as much as Little Miss does! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on what seems like a volatile topics for all SAHM’s (and working mums too!)
Actually, I need to look into our village school- I’m sure they have a pre-school and that might be an option, although, as you say when they are 2 1/2. Will investigate more…there’s got to be something GOOD that’s more affordable! Thanks for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate your experiences and advice!
Thanks so much for commenting…excellent points and I’m slowly warming to the idea!
I like the sleep/get my hair done/go to the library/sleep! I would actually use the time to work, uninterrupted at home but you never know, a nap might get included as well. Thanks for your advice Liz…you’re always a great source of information for me!
Top Ender was originally looked after by my Mum then there was a big issue that led to Top Ender being put in to a Nursery five days a week all day.
I was so consumed by guilt that I was doing the wrong thing but Top Ender loved it and was very very much loved at the Nursery too. She learnt a lot of new things, discovered things about herself etc.
I am actually trying to work out how I can afford to send Baby Boy for a few hours a week…
BUT everyone is different. If you don’t think it is for you then don’t feel just because everyone else does it you have to!
I’m probably a bit old fashioned and think homecomforts for a young toddler do absolutely no harm. She’ll most likely be starting playschool (or early years as I think it’s called now) when she’s around 3 (?) and that will be it. Away from you for the next god knows how many years. I know I’m the wrong person to comment but I say make the most of them when they’re so young, you won’t get those years back.
On the otherhand, a nursery is a lovely place for a few hours a week, and to mix with other children too, now I’m sounding contradictory I know, but that will be a hit and miss situation. She’s young enough not to go and it’s not as it she has to go.
Lots of support here xx
Have you thought about a playgroup? My daughters both attended for 2 mornings a week from 2&1/2years old for 3 hours. The cost is about £8 a session. From the term after the 3rd birthday it is free for up to 5 sessions a week. I personally felt it suited their needs better than a day nursery as in my opinion they tend to be a bit institutional and more suited to working parents. ( this is just my own opinion based on nurseries I have experience of personally- not a sweeping judgemental statement, before others jump down my throat,lol!!) Playgroups tend to only run in term time which as I have school age children too tends to suit me better.
If you phone your local education department they should be able to give you details of playgroups and nurseries in yuor area. I would suggest to contact some of them and have a visit. This will help you decide what suits you personally and which type of setting you think would benefit Little Miss the most.
Ooh, will look into this! My MotherInLaw used to assist with a Play Group ages ago so I know they are around. Great stuff…thanks so much!
Thanks so much for your very appropriate and honest comment! Not controversial in the least…I appreciate it!
I’m beginning to warm to the idea Pippa…I think Little Miss would thrive! I’ll keep you posted…thank you for your wonderful comments!
Pre schools are so good/beneficial in teaching resiliance/self esteem/independence/social skills/self care and I believe by age 2 most little ones are ‘ready’ for more than Mums can give, the variety of play that they can do which will link in with the EYFS so that she can achieve all her developmental goals, and she will be assigned a key worker that will observe what she can do now and how best to extend her play to stretch her learning. But every child is different.
I am a SAHM, and it was always my dream to be able to care wholly for Monty until age 2 then introduce nursery. I knew he was ready and the changes in him have been IMMENSE!
It took about half a term for him to settle properly and some mornings I’d come home and cry. But this morning I dropped him off and he ran off, chucked his lunchbox on the tray, self registered himself and did not give me a second glance! Visit lots of settings and see which you feel happy with. Any advice you need just give me a shout.
And also even though I don’t work, husband gets childcare vouchers so the nursery money is not taxed, and the tax credits elemnent increased to, which nearly covers the two mornings he goes.
At age 3 from sept 2010 the govournment will fund 15 hours of ofsted reg sessions a week which is either 6 sessions a week or 3 full school hour days (9-3) so it shows the gov see the benfit of kids recieving good quality nursery education and means that if she was to start at 2 you’d only have a year to find that bit extra?
Good blog topic!
Bec. x
I was also tempted to put Sophie into nursery 3 hours a week to start off with – and we’ve had a trial run recently and she loved it. Having said that, I personally still think she is too young to leave for more than 3 hrs at the moment, she is very clingy to me right now, and I don’t want her being upset. Therefore, we just attend toddler groups Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we have groups in between, so she is getting plenty of interacting with other children, and its lovely to see her playing with others, although she really does need to learn to share toys! Hope you get sorted, don’t forget me and Penny are only around the corner if you want to meet up anytime, don’t be a stranger Karin.
I didn’t send Clever Preschooler to Nursery. As it is, starting Preschool/having a Nursery placement at 3 and Reception class at 4 feels rushed to me because everything happens earlier than it would in the US. He has no problem interacting with his peers who did go to nursery and is actually ahead of the curve in many areas.
Children learn so much about life from going about daily life with their parents. Before you know it Little Miss will be starting school and you’ll be wishing you had more time to spend with her!
I think there’s a lot more social pressure to put kids into a creche/nursery here in the UK than there is in the US. Trust your instincts, you’ll know what’s right for you and Little Miss.
Thanks Erin…it is a lot different here isn’t it? I’m mainly wanting to make sure that she socialises properly. I’m not overly concerned but I don’t want her to miss out. And truth be told, I need a bit of a break and that’s about the only way it’s going to happen. But, the only way it will happen is if I make a bit of money and who knows when that might come through. Have you seen the Money Fairy? Send her my way please!
I HAD to go to work, but I was lucky because my sister was my childminder (and then my mum) but at about 2 and a half we realised No 1 Son really needed to go to nursery so he could be with other kids and also because he was so interested in everything… we tried playgroup but it was just too babyish for him. So I think kids probably ‘tell’ you when they’re ready to go to nursery. Ask her tonight x
I agree with many about playgroups. They’re fantastic places. But she’s too young for them at the moment, I think and, at present, they don’t get funding until the term after their 3rd birthday. Even so, playgroups are generally much cheaper and run as charities. When we had to pay, playgroup cost £7.50 a morning and nursery school cost £12.50 a morning (think that’s right!). But playgroup only took them from 2 years 9 months and nursery school from 2 years 3 monhts. Unless you’re happy to wait a while, you would probably need a nursery, which will be more expensive.
But it’s definitely worth looking around at the playgroups now and putting her name down for them, too – playgroups tend to fill up quite quickly; the play leader at Rosemary’s asked me if I wanted to put Eleanor’s name down now and she’s only 4 months old!
In terms of money, if you could get a session at a cheaper place, such as a playgroup, is there something you could cut back on to cover it? It’s possible you already cut back on everything, of course, I don’t know. Change washing liquid to an own-brand, for example, and you might be able to save a few pounds a week. Do it with a couple of other things and you might get your playgroup session. Just an idea, anyway. We’ve personally almost reached the cannot economise any further point, so I know that might be the case. Another possibility would be to sell some things – e.g. baby clothes, toys, etc. on ebay or at NCT sale – then put the proceeds in a playgroup fund. If you’re just talking one session a week, you might get a whole term’s worth out of one good sale.
Good luck!
I am going to look into play group in my village and see what I find. As far as cutting back…there’s not much more we can cut back but I am pursuing the eBay thing. Could end up with a rather nice fund if I could get my butt in gear with it!
I’ll ask her tomorrow…she’s sleeping now! She played with a 3 year old today and had a great time so this tells me that she’s not anti-social at all (which I knew) but really had a good time. I’m looking into my options…at least I have options and for that I am grateful. Thanks for commenting Liz!
My little one went to nursery 3 days a week from 11 months so I could go back to work. I found it really hard at first until she settled but it was the best decision we made. It’s an excellent (if very expensive) nursery.
She does everything from science (playing with sand) to sport and her social skills are amazing. She has made some really good friends too.
She now goes 2 days a week as I gave up my job.
I would say if you are thinking about nursery to make sure you choose one that’s recommended by other mums and also see if there is an OFSTED report on it you can look at.
Playgroups are also good alternatives, it’s definitely good for a child to have regular interaction with others from an early age.
Hi there.
I’ve been reading with interest all the posts and it’s amazing how people’s views differ.
I have 3 1/2 year old twins and they’re at home with me 24/7. I should clarify – we’re not at home 24/7, but they’re with me 24/7.
I decided from an early age that I wouldn’t put them to nursery. My mum died when I was quite young and I’m very aware of how little time you can have with your children. It’s unfortunate I had to find out this way but I hope that other people might think about it.
My cousin kept her wee boy at home too and while he wasn’t used to the setting of school by the time he started, he was settled in within about 2 weeks and I would say he’s the most sociable little boy I know and now after 6 months one of the most popular boys at school – we’ll be going to his birthday party on Saturday where over 40 children are attending!
My own kids are very sociable. We do crafts, reading, numbers, etc already at home – they can already do simple sums like 2 + 2 = 4 and recognise letters. They are, by my family and friends’ opinions, quite advanced for their age. We go to a local playcentre at least twice a week for 2 hours where I sit and work (I run an online business from home which I started 6 months after my babies were born and I work mostly at night when the kids go to bed) and they run riot wih the other kids. They go to a session at the local library for an hour a week where they do stories and rhymes and a craft. They have a few cousins of different ages that they see maybe once every couple of months. I have a few friends with kids that they see maybe once a month. We go swimming, we go to the park no matter what the weather – I’ve seen them in their snowsuits and barely able to look 10ft ahead but still having a laugh, we play different games every day and walk the dog through fields and woods every morning and every night. They’re both so physically active and strong and they love the outdoors. The added benefit of this is that at night they’re in bed at 8 pm and sleep until 7 am without a peep.
And yet, every time I meet somebody new and they ask about the kids, the first question they ask is “which nursery do they go to?” There are 3 where I live. When I tell them that the kids don’t go to nursery I’m treated like a bad mother! It would seem these people think I have some sort of fear of being parted from my kids. Quite the opposite actually. I love when we can get my brother to babysit of a weekend so we can go out. I love when their grandparents can take them for a day (They can’t manage very often due to health reasons) and I’ve occasionally had to ask other relatives for a bit of help but I can assure you I quite look forward to the day (without wishing away their lives) when they turn 5 and go off to school but until that day arrives, I’m going to enjoy every minute of them.
I’m not judging anybody for putting their kids to nursery – I think some kids thrive on it and others don’t. Mine might if given the chance, but they’re loving what they’re doing so if it ain’t broken, don’t try to fix it. Do what you want to do and don’t be pushed into doing something anything. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. You know your child better than anyone and you’ll know what’s right.
Good luck in making the right decision.
Kelly x
My daughter also attends paid childcare twice a week through the same workshops at the children’s centre and she has sone for the last year because as a single mum its the only way I can be out with other adults and no kids! She is very sociable and loves it and I am returning to work next month with no worries about her settling in nursery as it is known to her. Thats what works for me, every child (and mum) is different and I would say if you feel the need to a few hours “off” its worth it and she will benefit from new friends and happier mum! (I use Headstart who are slightly cheaper too!)