The Pain of One Income
I don't care that we don't have money Mummy!
The pain of being on one income has reared its ugly head this Christmas. When Little Miss was born in June of 2008, I had been on maternity leave from my crap wage lucrative job as a teaching assistant. We eventually would learn how NOT crap that wage was when we went onto Statuatory Maternity Pay (SMP = approx. £118 per week at that time) when Little Miss was born. And we really learned how NOT crap that wage was when I ended my maternity leave and we decided that I would stay home with Little Miss and no longer work. My hubby makes an adequate wage as Managing Director of what used to be his family’s generator business. He managed to get a pay rise this past summer and a new company funded and fueled car in September. But debts on both sides of the Atlantic, an 18 month old child, a house and various and sundry other bills mean that we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.
One of my goals for 2010 is to really and truly sort out our finances. We need to budget properly and stick to it. We’ve dramatically limited what we do with our money already. We don’t go out, we don’t buy things for ourselves and we only buy limited things for Little Miss. We don’t have Sky satellite, we don’t have gym memberships, we don’t have flashy clothes or fun toys. And where we’ve now felt the pain of living on one income is this Christmas. We couldn’t afford to buy anyone in our family anything really. We saved up what money we could to be able to buy a few things for Little Miss and that was it. My husband and I have not bought each other anything for Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries for the last two years. This year was the first year that we couldn’t buy anything for the nieces and nephews in our family and it really hurt. We feel lame and stupid and we know the children don’t understand. However, in the 4 1/2 years that I have lived in England, we have never been able to send anything back to my family in the US which includes a nephew on my side of the family. The only presents have been when my mum was here for Christmas and they were mostly of the handmade variety. We just can’t do it. And we feel like rubbish.
It’s no fun to be the only people in the family to not be able to “carry our weight”. My hubby feels particularly horrible as he feels that he’s not providing enough for his family. He works in a job that he doesn’t particularly like, that drives him to distraction and takes him away from his family for long hours every week day and some weekends as well. We can’t afford to put Little Miss in something like “Tumble Tots” which would be the PERFECT outlet for her because it COSTS MONEY! I feel particularly horrible because I’m not bringing in any income (other than the odd freelance writing commission and some product for testing/review) and am doing my best to keep us on track. Obviously that BEST is not enough! So my goal for next week is to really sort out our finances and see where we can make cuts and save and scrimp so that next year we’ll be able to afford to buy at least SOMETHING for everyone in the family and feel like we’re proper grown-ups. We do know that we are certainly better off than some people and we are grateful that Hubby has a job PERIOD.
And now, I’m open for suggestions. If anyone has any money saving tips, tricks or genius solutions, I’m open to your ideas. For anyone in our family who happens to read my blog, I’m very sorry that we couldn’t afford to buy anything this Christmas. We love you all and would love to buy you everything you deserve but we just couldn’t this year. We’ll try to do better for next year. In the meantime, I would love to know how YOU do it? How do you keep your family on track? What is the key to surviving on one income? Thanks, in advance, for any advice you might be able to share. I’m willing to try anything.
Related Posts
-
The Week According to Sam- Week Four
Posted on Dec 26, 2011
-
Top Tips for Parents at Christmas
Posted on Dec 20, 2011
-
Flashback Friday- Last Christmas
Posted on Dec 16, 2011
-
Flashback Friday: First Christmas
Posted on Sep 16, 2011
Tags
Share This
I think it’s unfair for people to expect so much from a young family. I managed to get things for the outlaws but sincerely it has drained me. So, I totally understand and we run on 1 and a half income!
My DH’s parents have been with us for 3 months and it has been very difficult. They expect a menu and all that and I’ve really struggled with half a salary and 3 extra mouths to feed.
I don’t have any advice on how to further save and don’t think you should. If you don’t even have SKY, I think you’ve done well. Please concentrate on being a good mum which I can tell from your blog’s content and tweets that you are.
Outlaws is what they are and will always be. They’ve lived their lives and should let you guys live yours! Please focus on building your family. You don’t owe them and neither do they. If they don’t give you gifts next year so be it, you wont starve or die.
Thanks very much Tola…I appreciate your words and good luck to you as well. If I learn anything I’ll share it with you.
I have to admit that life on one income is a killer for us too. We do manage month to month, but the unexpected stuff this year has floored us. Washers breaking down, cars, leak etc etc.
My secret is my budget pouches. I have made a little zipped purse for Food, Fuel, School Lunches, Fun (which covers toddlers, swimming etc).
I made a spreadsheet with our income and all our outgoings and then I allow a certain amount for these expenses and any extra at the end of the month moves forward to the fun envelope for next month.
It is hard, but it has helped discipline me, especially with the shopping and using the car for short trips. I dont use any cards at all and pay cash for everything.
I made presents for everyone this year, as you will see on the blog over the next week or so with things we had.
By making our own bread and cakes, I save enough for swimming and toddlers. I have shaved £’s off the weekly shop. I make MadDads lunches, saving there too. Oh and the big tip is Meal Plan.
I will e-mail you the punches and if you would like some with whatever words on you like, I will make you some, as I have spare fabric and zips.
At the end of the month, I count up the receipts in each and see if we could have saved anywhere else.
Dont feel bad for not having the cash, I am just honest now and say, sorry I can not come out for a coffee to the mums at school, as I have no cash, but I do have home made cakes so you are welcome round mine!!
Thanks Mrs…I’m eager to learn more!
As another family on one income, I highly recommend menu planning! When I plan and we stick to it, two magical things happen. 1 – I spend less while grocery shopping! 2 – Less food goes bad and ends up in the bin!
As far as ‘Little Miss’ you’re already giving her the best gift a Mom has to give, your time! =)
I know where you’re coming from, even though wifey has gone back part time, the childcare costs for two days a week at the childminders are £800pm, so its hard.
I think the area that is the biggest spend after all the “fixed” costs, like mortgage, council tax etc, is the food shop.
We’ve knocked about £50 a week off our food shop by doing some fairly basic things. The best of which is: 500g packets of lamb mince are your friend- it will do you two evening meals- a third of it can go into a chilli (the kidney beans bulk it out) and the remaining two thirds will do a spag bol or a shepherds pie the following night. Although not relevant to you, we over cook in terms of quantities so we have a couple of portions to freeze for wifey and me on one of the days the nippers are at the childminders and get fed there. So that’s 2/7ths of the evening meals done for about a fiver in total- it leaves you with more to play with for the rest of the week.
If you haven’t registered with quidco, go to http://www.quidco.com and do so. Then have a shufty at the utility companies and insurance as appropriate to you. If you click through the links on quidco you get “cashback” on purchases- basically the retailers pay quidco for referring customers and quidco pass on the majority of the referral fee to you. If you’re lucky you can switch gas/electric, pay no more but get £100 cashback. Same with the insurance. I got about £60 for taking out my AA cover via quidco, and the actual breakdown cover was cheaper in the first place than the RAC anyway. It does take a while to come through and isn’t guaranteed but I’ve had £370 off them this year for nothing more than I’d have spent routinely.
Finally, check the direct debits coming out of your account. Make sure they’re all okay and multiply each one by 12 to see how much its costing you a year. That fiver a month on mobile insurance works out at 60 quid a year for example and you can by a perfectly adequate mobile for 50 pounds if yours gets nicked anyway.
If you come up with any awesome tips, do share because everything helps!
I think a lot of people are in the same boat. I’m a single parent who has no choice but to accept state benefits or we would not even have a roof over our head as the small number of hours I work per week amounts to very little indeed. It’s tough, I know. But for you and me both, I am sure 2010 will be a better year. Chin up!
Karin,
It is simply head down and get on with it. You will come out the other side and your struggle in the middle will make you stronger.
I know you have read my ‘story’ but at one point I had a 9 month old baby, was earning £35 a week with rent of £30 a week. Baby was formula fed and in nappies. I survived on tinned tomatoes on toast (thank god for a freezer section!)
Don’t be hammered down by relatives thatdon’t understand your circumstances. You would have had to take them on a world cruise for them to appreciate your efforts.
As long as Little Miss had a good time – that is all that matters. xx
Thanks Alex…I will check all of those things out! And depending upon what sort of comments I receive, I may have to do a follow-up blog post. Watch this space.
Thanks Rosie…I can’t even begin to understand what it must be like for you…you are a brave woman! 2010 has GOT to be better!
Thanks Sian…I’m getting my head down…and certainly appreciate that you had it REALLY rough and now you’re a mega-GENIUS! You’re my role model! Thanks for your encouraging words…I really appreciate it.
Hi Karin –
I popped over after seeing Rosie’s reply on Twitter and I know how you feel. We went from dual to single income six years ago when we moved to Bury St Edmunds. However for the first few years my expectations didn’t change and we still lived the kind of lifestyle that we used to before children, buying expensive presents for us, the kids and the wider circle of family and friends … and getting into debt.
We are lucky that my husband’s salary has increased each year, but despite that we’ve still taken steps to cut back and with that expectations have changed. Most friends and family were understanding (and many were surprisingly relieved) at the suggestion that we stopped swapping presents at Christmas, with more and more people wanting a more simple holiday themselves. My sister who lives in Switzerland is delighted just to receive our kids’ hand-me-down toys and clothes as presents for birthdays and Xmas…. and so are her children, who’ve enjoyed bikes, playtents and electronic gadgets that have remained in good condition.
It’s taken time for me to get used to being “different”, when I see so much expense going on around me. But as long as my friends and family still understand that we still care about them even if we don’t spend money on them, I can be happy. And I realise, I am not that different anymore as so many people are beginning to feel the same.
If it’s any help, I’ve put up a blogpost recently which included a calculation of how much money we’ve saved since cutting back on a few everyday disposable items. It’s not huges sums, but I was completely surprised when I added it up, it brought a smile to my face. It’s at http://therubbishdiet.blogspot.com/2009/12/stop-pressouch-i-fell-off-wagon.html
I know Bury St Edmunds is still a little distance from Cambridge, but if I can help in any other way do let me know as I am “almost” around the corner.
Best wishes
Karen
Thanks Karen…I’ll be sure to study your blogpost in anticipation of the Year of Frugality! I appreciate you stopping by to comment
Hi Karin, I hope next year is better for you. There are actually plenty of ways that you can find “free” money, it’s just a case of looking for them sometimes. I would highly reccomend looking at moneysavingexpert.com especially in the debt free diaries section as there are loads of offers and ways to increase your income etc from home.
As previous people have mentioned, meal planning is a fantastic way of reducing your shopping bill and I need to challenge myself to this in January as we are truly skint this month after xmas and our roof.
I would also suggest that everything you buy, get it online and through a cashback site, it may be only pennies, but the pennies help.
Surveys are great for amazon vouchers that you can then use for pressies or anything really.
I ebay as much of our unwanted stuff as I can, if not it goes to the charity shop.
Mystery shopping is an option but you have to be registered self employed but it can be worth a shot, there are plenty of companies out there.
Free bingo is also a great idea as long as you don’t think you would get addicted to the gambling aspect. If you want a couple of sites about this email me and I’ll point you in the right direction.
There is probably lots more and I’ll look back through where my extras came from last year later and email you anything else.
Hi Karin
I really understand where you are coming from and that is the main reason that I went back to work. Although I have to admit it is really helping my sanity.
To be honest I would think that most young families are in a similar position. Me and Alex have not had a birthday or Christmas present (aside from bars of choc) in years and years. But, the pay off is our nice house. The relatives all know that I wont buy them anything and don’t expect anything.
One area, aside from what Alex has mentioned, where I have saved a fortune is in getting a different car and then cutting back on how much I use it. I save around £50 at least per month and I haven’t really noticed the difference. I also have membership to the zoo so instead of going places where it costs a lot of money, we invested once and go there about once or twice a week. Its always different. The thing is, when you don’t go to the shops etc and buy the magaznes you don’t know what you are missing. If you don’t compare yourself to others you also realise that it doesn’t matter, as long as you are all happy and healthy.
I have a spreadsheet where I note down all my expenses and this has really helped me, its worth doing.
As Alex mentioned its the food shopping thats the killer. If you can economise there, you will feel the difference this year.
I also find that if you make it a sort of metal game with yourself to economise as much as you can, the challenge actually becomes quite enjoyable.
Chin up, I hope you had a lovely day and try to focus on enjoying your little girl and not worry about what other people are thinking and doing. xx
Me and my hubby give each other notes like I gift you a night to have all your mates roundf or the playstatuon and i will make pizza or he will give me a note promsiing a whole day off mummying form breakfast to tea. THE BEST GIFTS cna cost nothing.
In terms of your family if you wnat to gift then photos printed into a cheap little photo album are always fab or a hoime movie of the kids on dvd.
I blog regularly about baby budgeting on my site and feature lots of raders tips which change regularly. Good luck we are low income one wage too I got in all my Christmas gifts at £3 average and the kids in he family all got coloured artists pencils £1 a pack bought in the summer form AsDA!
A second hand book on something they like is always a well loved gif t and can cost 50p form a carboot
They should understnad …but sometimes people just don’t and it is their prob. I would ( when you are ready ) write them a letter saying how you love htem and would love to treat them but that money will be tight for the next few years but your love is plentiful. How can anyone diss that!
All great ideas Mrs. I look forward to checking out your site.
Thanks Mrs! I appreciate both yours and Alex’ suggestions and support. I’m going to start with a spreadsheet and then tackle the weekly shop and see what happens. Wish me luck!
Thanks Ang…I appreciate all of your suggestions and will work on implementation now!;)
keep smiling hun i know its hard, we’ve had a few bumps in the road recently and we’re in one at the moment. We need to tighten our belts and we both work! I wish i could just go back to work full time for a bit just to create an injection of money, but trying to fit 39hours of work and 4children and a bump into the equation with no willing childcare it is very hard to juggle these things.
I have a spreadsheet and it does work but i’ve not been sticking to it but it is one of my new years goals to stick to a budget and sort out our finances. good luck hun xxxx
I would love it if the adults in OH’s huge family did a Secret Santa for Christmas, but we have to buy for everybody. It’s a chore and expensive.
What I do to save money throughout the year is use cashback websites like Liz Jarvis’ Kidstart. I save up Boots points and Nectar points and use them for Christmas presents and the Christmas food shop. If I see something in a sale that I can use for a present I buy it. I saw a book for 50p today in the Sainsbury’s sale that should have been £4. I’ll keep that for my niece’s birthday. I’ll get her a little something else for £6 and it’ll look like I spent £10. Yes, it’s a bit underhand, but needs must when you have one income.
What else? We don’t have Sky either. Andy & I have pay as you go mobiles that we just use for texting and emergencies. Our hobbies cost nothing (writing and music).
I walk everywhere I can, even if it’s raining!
We cook from scratch most of the time and we eat veggie quite a lot. I buy from the basics range.
I make my own cards, this works out a lot cheaper for us.
I’ve found a tearoom that does tea and toast for £1.78, it’s a real treat for me and the boys! We probably only go once or twice a month.
I enter loads of competitions online and I’ve been really lucky.
I’ve stopped having £50 highlights and dye my hair with a £4 dye from Boots.
We really need to have a car boot or sell some things on Ebay – that should raise some cash.
I really hope you can find £5 per week for Tumbletots, Presley loves it. x
Thanks Sandy…brilliant suggestions. I am really hoping for Tumble Tots this year as well…she needs it!
Good luck to us both! You’re a true inspiration Mrs…4 children plus one in waiting! I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT!!! Thanks for helping me out with constant inspiration