Do You Hear What I Hear?

Little Miss & Daddy- 2 Days Old

Not that I watch daytime television…seriously I don’t…we’re perpetually programmed onto Cbeebies from 9am-Whenever…but yesterday there was an interesting topic on the programme “The Wright Stuff” on Channel 5.  The topic was “Does your partner hear the baby crying at night?”.  Discuss!

I have asked this question in my head a number of times and out loud once or twice.  We have struggled with sleeping since Little Miss was 4 months old and went into her own room and into her own cot from the Moses basket.  It’s obviously more ME struggling as I COULD use all the sleep techniques in the world to allow her to sleep and settle better but I am a melty heart kind of Mummy who can’t bear to hear her baby crying.  Little Miss is a bit better now but she readily wakes throughout the night, calling for Mummy.  I lumber out of bed, shuffle into her room, tap on the night light, rummage around her bed for the dummy which has been lost and plug her back in.  9 times out of 10, she immediately re-settles with a gentle stroke on her tummy or back and back I shuffle.  9 times out of 10, this first waking occurs approximately 18 minutes after her Daddy and I go to bed.  Sweet.

In 18 months of parenting, I can count the number of times my hubby has gotten up to her on one hand.  I had decided, early on in this parenting game, that I didn’t mind “taking one for the team” as my husband had to work in the morning and I didn’t.  I still subscribe to this theory but there are times, when I have gotten up for the fourth time in the night and am shuffling back to bed, that I’m more than a bit cheesed off.  I usually settle into our bed with a mighty “HARUMPH” which is intended to communicate my frustration…sometimes he notices, usually he doesn’t.  Now, I’m not whinging about my husband, really, because we have talked about this several times and his honest reply is “I just don’t hear her!”.  So that’s my question…WHY DON’T DADDIES HEAR THEIR CHILDREN CRYING??

Maybe this is different for the Daddies who stay at home with their children?  Are they the ones with ultra-sonic hearing as opposed to the Mummies?  In these glorious 18 months of parenting, I have not had ONE uninterrupted night’s sleep.  Some nights we’re lucky- only 1 waking and only a semi-ridiculous o’clock rising from Little Miss.  Generally it’s more like 2-3 wakings in the night which require my attention.  Yes, I know, I can hear you…just let her CRY IT OUT!  Well, I can’t…and thus have created my own mini personal hell.  I have learned to survive on only maybe 5 hours of sleep in total each night (that’s a good night).  I don’t remember what it’s like to sleep through…will I ever again??  My husband, in fairness, is very good when Little Miss wakes in pain or poorly (nasty teeth!!).  He has always supported me and helped to get medicine down Little Miss when we needed to or held her while I ran around getting supplies.  In the early days, he would doze next to me while I fed Little Miss her bottles in our bed but soon I stopped that as I knew he needed the sleep in order to function at work the next day.  I love my hubby dearly and think he’s an amazing father but I would, just for one week maybe, like to switch ears with him so I could catch up on 18 months of sleep deprivation.  I know if would look a bit funny but I have a feeling that I would be a much brighter person on a wee bit more sleep.

So, how does it work in your household?  Is your partner helpful with night-time wakings?  Do you flop down in the bed with a mighty HARUMPH when returning to bed?  Do you remember what it’s like to have an uninterrupted night of sleep?  Would you like to come to my house and be my night nanny?