The Nightmare that was Christmas

Nov 4, 2009 by cafebebemama

In another Wednesday Writing Workshop challenge from Josie at Sleep is for the Weak, I have chosen to tackle writing prompt #2:  Tell us about the worst Christmas presents you were ever bought and what you’d prefer this year (inspired by Claire at Being a Mummy).  I’ve chosen poetic license to slightly alter the prompt to be “the worst CHRISTMAS” I ever experienced but will be happy to add some of my Christmas wishes at the end.  Get your credit cards ready!

Way back in 1998 (oh.my.God.eleven.years.ago!) I had just moved from Decatur, Illinois (don’t bother Googling it…it’s not worth it) to sunny California.  I had taken up a job with a Gymnastics Centre and was living in Lancaster, California whilst working in Canyon Country and Burbank, California (Google those…they’re brilliant…Burbank is practially Hollywood!).  I had left behind my boyfriend at the time but we were going to give the long-distance thing a go as I thought I was in love.  Silly woman.  Somehow I managed to convince said Rubbish Boyfriend that he should “Go West” to spend Christmas with me.  He refused to come to California (warning sign? nahhhh) but agreed to meet in Las Vegas as that’s where his estranged father lived.  We would stay with “Bud” in his MOBILE HOME in a TRAILER PARK in Las Vegas.  **shudder**

I lived in southern California which required me to drive approximately 4 hours east to get to Las Vegas.  The drive to Las Vegas is probably the bleakest drive one could make…desert, desert and more desert.  You’re advised to carry water with you as you never know when your car is going to die and you won’t see another soul for hours on end.  Is that the warning I should have listened to?  The desert did not eat me up and spit me out, however.  I arrived in Las Vegas and drove straight to the airport to meet Rubbish Boyfriend.  I waited and waited and waited and when his plane arrived and EVERYONE departed from the plane (this was pre-9/11…you could still go to the plane to meet your family/significant other/Rubbish Boyfriend) I became a bit concerned.  Then a big-haired, platinum blonde woman approached me.  She was Rubbish Boyfriend’s alcoholic & drug rehabbed sister.  Said Rubbish Boyfriend had missed his plane.  She had been sent to keep me company while we waited for the next plane to arrive several hours later.  Thus began the nightmare.

We stayed in the MOBILE HOME with “Bud” and Whatever-Her-Name-Was and had the most miserable time.  Well, I say WE but really it was just ME who had the most miserable time.  I didn’t know these people, save said Rubbish Boyfriend and I felt like I was living something out of a horrible movie.  What capped it all off was the Christmas dinner that we had.  I was not, at the time, a big fan of steaks.  I had never eaten one that had been cooked properly.  They were always cooked to within an inch of their life which required one to use a very sharp steak knife and chew and chew and chew and chew…ick.  So, what was for Christmas dinner??  Not a steak surely?  Who has steak for Christmas dinner?  I’ll tell you who has steak for dinner…”Bud”, Whatever-Her-Name-Was and Rubbish Boyfriend have steak for dinner.  And not just any steak…a GIANT New York Strip steak…cooked to within an inch of its life.  Ugh…I had to cut and cut and chew and chew and never say a thing.  It was horrible.

I weathered the Christmas of 1998 in Las Vegas with “Bud”, Whatever-Her-Name-Was and Rubbish Boyfriend and managed to put Rubbish Boyfriend back on a plane to the Midwest of the US.  Could I see the forest for the trees??  No.  It took me another year and a half before I finally realised that settling for Rubbish Boyfriend was not the best choice I could have made.  My family is most grateful that I finally saw my way free.  Wonder how “Bud”, Whatever-Her-Name-Was and Rubbish Boyfriend are now?  **shudder**

Having survived the Nightmare that was Christmas of 1998, I feel I am deserving of some karma in the form of lovely Christmas presents.  Here is my list which, I am most certain, will remain just that…a list:

• A new laptop to efficiently do my website, blogging and writing during naps and stolen moments.
• A Flip digital recorder camera thingy…how cool is that Flip??  How easy is it to become a film maker??
• Some money to get several items for my clothing wardrobe that actually fit and flatter my unfortunate shape.
• A gym membership and family childcare option so I can get take my shape from unfortunate to fortunate.
• A FREE RAIL TRAVEL FOR A YEAR card so Little Miss and I can go to London more often without cost.
• A “TimeOut London with Kids” or “London for Children- TimeOut” guide so we can find more to do in London after we travel down to London on our FREE RAIL TRAVEL FOR A YEAR card.
• A new, blingy, multi-media, app-loaded, easy-to-use mobile phone…an iPhone works for me.  Also, a fully paid contract to go with it with unlimited everything.

I don’t ask for much do I??  I would also like to have a week or weekend away in Paris with my hubby and daughter so I can start to share my favouritest city in the world with my daughter.  My husband has already started to learn about it with me and now I’d like to bring Little Miss into the fold.  So, if we could have return travel from Peterborough to St. Pancras, Eurostar to Paris and a stay in our favourite hotel, the Hotel Elysees-Union on Rue Hamelin, we would greatly appreciate it.  Thanks so much. What’s on your Christmas list?