Confidence Crisis

After being back on UK soil for 5 days, I am now having a blogging confidence crisis.  When you’re an obsessive-compulsive, competitive looney-toon like myself, it doesn’t take much to lose your mojo!  Acclimatising to home again, dealing with toddler jet-lag (far worse than adult!), suffering rubbish days out and being rather lonely at the beginning of a new week doesn’t really help either.  We’re out of all our routines, no classes to go to, forgot how to cook and am wondering why I started this whole blogging malarcky in the first place.

I started blogging back in May.  Little Miss was nearly a year old and I needed an outlet; something creative to get the brain functioning and juices flowing.  The whole process is very addictive.  I managed to link on to British Mummy Bloggers and found some that outlet.  Suddenly people were starting to “follow” me!  Me!  How ’bout that?  But then, it started.  The competitive nature in me.  Wanting to be a good writer; wanting people to read what I write; wanting to get recognition for what I do; wanting whatever was better than what I was doing; setting my expectations WAY too high.  I don’t watch a lot of tv now (not a bad thing) but I do spend a lot of time on the computer.  My husband can’t quite understand this as he doesn’t even like to use the computer much less spend hours at a time on it.

Blogging is an outlet for me but it has also become a sometimes-paying vocation for me.  Payment in the form of a few quid here and there (I review for MadeForMums website) and payment in the form of product.  I have even started to have a few approaches from PR’s which has been flattering (although I shouldn’t make too much out of it…they’re targeting just about any Mummy Blogger these days).  As we’re down to one less-than-sufficient income, the product and payment we have received has been very welcome.  Little Miss deserves to have a few things every once in a while and while we certainly aren’t needing to build a new room to house all the “booty” we have been bestowed, she has been the recipient of some very nice additions to our household.

But all of this has led me to become just a wee-bit obsessed with what might be on the horizon.  I’m watching my site statistics, tweaking pages, Facebooking and Twittering to keep my name in the spotlight…but what for?  To work myself into a frenzy??  I don’t get one pence for having created my Cafe Bebe site/blog.  I highlight amazing Mumpreneurs to give them a little love and don’t charge any advertising.  I readily take the offers of PR’s because I’m afraid if I don’t, I won’t get any more.  I see other bloggers getting opportunities and amazing things/offers and wish I was in that loop.  I read the occasional very popular blog and wonder why they are so popular and why I can’t seem to crack it?  I am now following my JUST ASK philosophy and am not sure if it’s exactly the right thing to do.

My goals?  Well, I’m not sure.  I really do love having something that drives me and makes me feel alive and adult.  I adore my daughter completely but it’s nice to have a bit of who I used to be put to use.  It’s amazing to get accolades for things you produce.  That probably stems from a childhood and on-going adulthood where I am always trying to please everyone in the hopes that I will be happy as well.  I am happy but why can’t I be satisfied with good-enough??  You should have seen my stress and mental breakdown over my Little Miss’ first birthday!

So, I’m open for suggestions here.  I am blogging to share my experiences.  I created my main site because I want to review products, help promote other mums and allow people to win a prize or two and in the process, perhaps bring in a minor income or products-in-kind to make our lives just a wee bit more comfortable.  Why should I be concerned about statistics and ratings; popularity and recognition?  Perhaps I just need to settle, lower my expectations and take a deep breath and realise that no one’s ever going to get everything they want!  What’s your advice??