After being back on UK soil for 5 days, I am now having a blogging confidence crisis. When you’re an obsessive-compulsive, competitive looney-toon like myself, it doesn’t take much to lose your mojo! Acclimatising to home again, dealing with toddler jet-lag (far worse than adult!), suffering rubbish days out and being rather lonely at the beginning of a new week doesn’t really help either. We’re out of all our routines, no classes to go to, forgot how to cook and am wondering why I started this whole blogging malarcky in the first place.
I started blogging back in May. Little Miss was nearly a year old and I needed an outlet; something creative to get the brain functioning and juices flowing. The whole process is very addictive. I managed to link on to British Mummy Bloggers and found some that outlet. Suddenly people were starting to “follow” me! Me! How ’bout that? But then, it started. The competitive nature in me. Wanting to be a good writer; wanting people to read what I write; wanting to get recognition for what I do; wanting whatever was better than what I was doing; setting my expectations WAY too high. I don’t watch a lot of tv now (not a bad thing) but I do spend a lot of time on the computer. My husband can’t quite understand this as he doesn’t even like to use the computer much less spend hours at a time on it.
Blogging is an outlet for me but it has also become a sometimes-paying vocation for me. Payment in the form of a few quid here and there (I review for MadeForMums website) and payment in the form of product. I have even started to have a few approaches from PR’s which has been flattering (although I shouldn’t make too much out of it…they’re targeting just about any Mummy Blogger these days). As we’re down to one less-than-sufficient income, the product and payment we have received has been very welcome. Little Miss deserves to have a few things every once in a while and while we certainly aren’t needing to build a new room to house all the “booty” we have been bestowed, she has been the recipient of some very nice additions to our household.
But all of this has led me to become just a wee-bit obsessed with what might be on the horizon. I’m watching my site statistics, tweaking pages, Facebooking and Twittering to keep my name in the spotlight…but what for? To work myself into a frenzy?? I don’t get one pence for having created my Cafe Bebe site/blog. I highlight amazing Mumpreneurs to give them a little love and don’t charge any advertising. I readily take the offers of PR’s because I’m afraid if I don’t, I won’t get any more. I see other bloggers getting opportunities and amazing things/offers and wish I was in that loop. I read the occasional very popular blog and wonder why they are so popular and why I can’t seem to crack it? I am now following my JUST ASK philosophy and am not sure if it’s exactly the right thing to do.
My goals? Well, I’m not sure. I really do love having something that drives me and makes me feel alive and adult. I adore my daughter completely but it’s nice to have a bit of who I used to be put to use. It’s amazing to get accolades for things you produce. That probably stems from a childhood and on-going adulthood where I am always trying to please everyone in the hopes that I will be happy as well. I am happy but why can’t I be satisfied with good-enough?? You should have seen my stress and mental breakdown over my Little Miss’ first birthday!
So, I’m open for suggestions here. I am blogging to share my experiences. I created my main site because I want to review products, help promote other mums and allow people to win a prize or two and in the process, perhaps bring in a minor income or products-in-kind to make our lives just a wee bit more comfortable. Why should I be concerned about statistics and ratings; popularity and recognition? Perhaps I just need to settle, lower my expectations and take a deep breath and realise that no one’s ever going to get everything they want! What’s your advice??
I think that the most important thing is to write from your heart, which is exactly what you’ve done here – this is a lovely, open and honest post. I was talking to @AModernMother the other day and she told me she doesn’t really care about what people think of her blog – if they like it, great, if they don’t, well they can read something else. She never expected to make heaps of money or receive lots of freebies so everything that has come her way has been an unexpected bonus, but it wasn’t her primary reason for blogging, and I think that’s a good thing to bear in mind. I think you should forget about all the other stuff for a little bit and concentrate on making your blog a wonderful place for mums to be (it is!) and the rest will fall into place. You could also try submitting some feature ideas to US mags about your life as an American abroad – there must be so many things you could tell them about that are different from in the States.
And if it helps, I’ve seen your raw copy, and I’m a professional Editor who has edited the likes of Julie Burchill, Decca Aitkenhead etc… I didn’t need to do a thing to your copy! It was word perfect. So I think you’re probably more talented than you realise. Give yourself some credit! x
That’s really lovely Liz…making me feel good about my writing which is really what it needs to be about. Thank you for your support…I really appreciate it.
Karin I think you’ve answered your own question!
One thing I’ve learned since I started blogging is that this whole blogging business is a fickle one. It seems to be quite random as to which blogs become ‘popular’ – certainly doesn’t seem to be linked to the quality of the content (in as nice a way as possible!) Some ‘popular’ blogs just don’t grab me, and yet I read some with only a few followers that I’m amazed haven’t made it big because they’re so brilliant. I don’t think trying harder necessarily makes you a more successful blogger – you just have to put what you have out there and see what happens. So if you don’t happen to be one of the most popular ones it’s not because you’ve failed, especially if the people that DO love your site keep coming back and enjoy what you have to say.
So let it go. I think if populariity and lots of freebies become your primary motivators, blogging is going to loose it’s sparkle for you and that will reflect in your posts which is not what you want. Blog for you, blog cause it’s fun, blog cause you have something to say and want to create your own little corner in the blogosphere. And accept that the rest may or may not come.
Chin up xxx
It sounds like you and me are so similar! The phobias, the changing bags and now this!! Freeky really!
Take a deep breath and let go of it. Liz is right you need to refocus on why you started writing this blog in the first place. I think we all go through it at some point and it is probably because of the challenge.
Write from the heart is definitely a good advice. I wrote a post when I felt in a similar position http://www.perfectlyhappymum.com/perfectly_happy_mum/2009/08/brotherhood.html
It really helped me focus on what was important for me when writing this blog and everytime I start to feel the pressure again I read it again. The comments helped a lot too.
There will always be people that seem more popular, but what counts is that you are popular with the people who follow you because they genuinely are interested in you and your blog.
As for the reviews there are quite a few I decline and mainly pick the ones that speak directly to my gutt feeling if that makes sense. It is not because I don’t accept every single review or even review everything I receive that it stops coming.
Contact me directly if you want me to help you redefine your goals according to your circumstances. I am about to relaunch very soon my coaching business and I specialise in goal settings for mothers. I am very happy to give you a few tips to help you work productively in a new direction. You are a good writer and you write stuff that most mothers can relate to, so your popularity will keep rising steadily accordingly. Don’t forget people are really good at tricking the stats and getting followers or comments as well
Px
Aww – honey I know how you feel. I’m always having a blogging crisis and lack of confidence – if I haven’t written in a while, if a post I write doesn’t get many comments, etc, etc. And now there seems to be so many new ones which are brilliantly written, beautifully designed and great to read – and they make mine look so old school and boring that I wonder why as well. BUT, then I think about how lovely it will be for the girls to have something to read when they’re older (and also about how much I actually enjoy being part of the blogging community and writing the posts) and I know why I do it. My advice to you, just like the others above is to do it because you enjoy it and the rest will come. Also, write because you have something to say and try not to put pressure on yourself and feel like you’re forcing it – it’s never much fun then. But yes, I agree with Liz as well – you write very well and I enjoy reading your blog. Keep it up honey. You’re doing a great job xxxx
Thanks Josie…I really appreciate your kind words. Refocus is in order, methinks.
Merci mille fois Madame…you are so very helpful. I’ll email you! I appreciate all the suggestions…you’re a peach!
Thanks so much Emily. I appreciate your words and consider it a real compliment coming from you and your very well-written, amusing and touching blog which has kept me laughing and thinking for a while now. Thanks for taking the time to give my confidence a boost.
Okay, first of all – STOP looking at the stats. Right now. I mean it. Ban yourself for a whole week, at least. When you’ve always got one eye on the stats, you’ll end up writing what you think people want to read, not what you want to write.
I’m always banging on about this but I really believe it: write what YOU want to write. Write about what makes you feel passionate, or angry, or scared, or amused – the chances are you’ll connect with people without even trying. I wrote a post this week about drinking because I felt really strongly about it – but I almost didn’t expect any comments, because it was just what I was thinking about that day. But it’s sparked lots of really interesting comments and opinions. As for the monkey porn post, well, who knew?
The other thing I tell any writers (bloggers included) is to write what YOU can write. Think about what makes your experience different, what’s your story, your background? What can you express an opinion on with particular authority? So Dulwich Divorcee writes about being a single Mum looking for love, I write about being a completely incompetent parent with slightly odd views, Josie writes about being an aspiring writer – what’s your angle?
If you want to do reviews, then REALLY do reviews. Reviewing anything that comes your way could actually work against you – PRs for certain brands like to see a bit of discrimination. And as one person, you can’t possibly cover enough products to provide a comprehensive database. So, I might suggest choosing a theme to your reviews – could you test 365 toddler meals and snacks in a year and write about the results? Could you test ethical toys? Can you focus on nursery accessories and all those baby décor items? Covering one topic more heavily will help with SEO, PR and readership – you’d become the go-to girl for product X or topic Y.
The key is to think about what you do better than everyone else – and that means finding the thing that really gets your passion flowing.
As Liz has said you’re a great writer, clearly very driven and creative, and I’m sure you can make a huge success of the site whatever you decide to do. It’s just a wobble!
You just need to step back from it all every once in a while but it’s very hard when it’s so new, you’re getting buzz and you are trying to keep up with EVERYTHING! I am eternally grateful that when I started blogging there was no Facebook or Twitter or I think I may have gone over the edge!
It’s funny DH was asking if I’d looked at my blog to see what it looks like in IE (I’m a firefox girl) and I said I hadn’t bothered because I don’t really care that much – OMG when did that happen??? I decided about 6 months ago that it was all getting too much and my blog was starting to feel like a chore and it was supposed to be fun so I took a break. Now I blog when I feel like it and I don’t force myself into it, it’s supposed to be fun
You are doing a great job and your blog is lovely, well written and funny. You’ve got some great advice above and I agree with Sally stop looking at the Stats, it’ll drive you nuts! xx
Thanks Liz- You’re someone I really value when it comes to content and looks (well, I mean the blog but I know you’re a looker as well!) so your comments mean a lot. I appreciate you taking the time to comment and read and I’ll just take a deep breath and remember why I started in the first place. Now, back to writing some reviews!
Aw…sniff! Thanks Sally. I’ll stop looking at those numbers and just WRITE. I will think more about my USP and see what I can come up with. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment…I really appreciate it as I know how bloomin’ busy you are!
I agree with what so many others have said here, but most importantly, write from the heart, step back from the stats, focus on what you’re doing, stay credible and remember things dont happen over night. It takes time to build recognition and followers and as for earning a crust, well that’s a whole different game.
Im not sure that many people at all are earning a decent income from their blogs…. maybe from the opportunities that come from blogging. Im not sure.
I think its important not to judge yourself on other peoples sites too… be you and be honest.
Keep your chin up, focus on your USP, and remember, slowly does it. You can’t achieve everything overnight x
At the beginning of this month I realised that my blog was really annoying me. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was for a while and then I realised I didn’t think I knew what I wanted it to really be about. I have been blogging for years, and I guess just slipped into the Mummy – Blogging genre when I had a baby.
At the end of the day this blog is about my life, and how it has changed over the years. If you go back far enough you can read about me when I was single, finding my way in life and at work, dealing with my crazy family.
The blog has changed with me and I decided to make a couple changes and see how it goes this month. I decided I would ask my friend Cally for a copy of her book to run a competition and then chickened out. Two days later she contacted me and offered the same thing! I love your just ask approach and wish that I had the balls! So far this month, I am starting to love my blog again. Because it is about me.
I love your writing, and your blog. I particularly love this post, possibly because you can tell it is from the heart and the comments have helped me. I hope you find the direction you want, we will be here right beside you reading!
Thanks Kelly! Your blog is lovely and so are you and gorgeous Piran! I appreciate your kind words…loved your new “space” today as well.
Thanks Mrs! It’s a bit of a vicious cycle this blogging malarcky, isn’t it? Thanks for your comments and ongoing support…even when you’re a brand new mummy!
I think I’ve been through most of those emotions about my own blog.
I’ve been learning about blogging from experienced bloggers lately and have have read that a) it’s hard to get readers in the beginning but gets easier the more you get – so the first 100 are REALLY hard, but the second hundred are a bit easier and the third hundred a bit easier still. So don’t get too hung up about stats in the early days, just keep writing. b) after their first few months, bloggers tend to hit a dip – if you really believe in what you’re doing (and I’m sure you do) keep going and it’ll get better. c) don’t compare yourself with other people, this is a sure-fire way to lose your confidence and motivation.
Obviously I’ve made every one of those mistakes myself!!
I also find it helps to be really clear about why I’m blogging – is it for fun? to be part of a community? as an outlet? to build a website that will bring in an income? to develop my writing skills? If your priority is to generate an income, you’ll need a different focus than if you’re blogging as a hobby, for example. A clear focus will also help you decide which products to review, or whether to do reviews at all.
Hang on in there!
Thanks Helen…I appreciate you taking time to read, consider and comment on my blog. It’s nice to know there’s so much support out there! I am reassessing and getting a bit of coaching as well so we’ll see what comes out of that!
Hi Karin, you’ve had an amazing response from lots of really good bloggers here. Clearly you’re doing a lot right! Just wanted to add that I often feel like you and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to blog about from one week to the next. But from the smallest day to day experiences come ideas and the most popular posts I’ve written have been ones that weren’t really planned or I didn’t think were very good! In fact, I often think what I’ve written isn’t very good and I know Josie at Sleep for the Weak had to be dissuaded on Twitter the other day not to delete a load of hers! (can you believe that?!). So I’d second everyone here and say stick with what you want to do, don’t worry about what PRs think or worry about direction too much. I don’t know you, but you strike me as a having a big American personality which shines through in what you write, that could be your USP!
Thanks Emily! I hope that BIG AMERICAN PERSONALITY isn’t too annoying! I try to blend…darn it! I appreciate you reading and commenting and I do feel much better about what I’m doing. I think we “writers” lack a bit of confidence in general…sounds like everyone doubts themselves! I’m glad to know that I am in good company.
i love your blog and i think you are a fab writer. I went through the same worrying patch when i was ill a while back and i couldn’t post as often and my stats dropped. I took a deep breath and just carried on writing about what i want to write about. Since that time my followers have increased and so have my stats without even trying. I think honest writing and good writing makes a good blog (just like yours). Keep smiling, keep writing and you’ll always have a top fan from me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ok, just seen this. You are fab. I had the same thing a few months ago as you will recall. Do it for you, if you get any freebies then great. Who cares about followers, I have lots of hits etc but very few regular readers especially from the BMB crowd. I think that I have just managed by dint of doing it for such a long time and covering a wide range of topics to rank quite highly on a lot of google searches. I think trying to be part of the mummy blogging crowd and comparing yourself to them is the killer. Step away from it do your own thing, dont compare yourself and think of it as a record of where you are and what you are doing for the little miss and yourself to laugh over! xxx
Yes, Mrs…you are very right. It’s difficult to be in a “group” and not compare but I’m getting my act together now. Thanks for the support.
Aw, thanks Mrs…you are such a lovely, positive person…I need to adopt this trait!
Two years ago I actually gave up blogging because I’d become completely obsessed with my stats. As Sally rightly points out, it makes you start to right the things you think people want to read. Then you stop being geninue and you lose your voice. I became so stressed about the whole thing I gave up. I was blogging for fun and then it was no longer fun. I returned earlier this year with a completely different approach. I write a blod because I enjoy writing and I love connecting with other people through the internet, because in person I’m quite shy. I do look at my stats but I don’t worry about them too much. I just write what comes into my head, I comment on sites I enjoy (like this one) and I let the rest take care of itself. I’m a competitive person too but it’s best to try and relax about it all. Blogging it supposed to be fun. You are doing great, That’s why this is the 25th comment on this post. Keep doing what you are doing, hun. I mean it.
Thanks Rosie…it means a lot to hear from a “veteran” such as yourself. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. And it was great to meet you in person at the Pampers event!
timely post- I’m feeling totally overwhelmed now that I’ve found BMB. I’ve always just blogged for my family back in the states but now feel like I should be bigger, better, smarter… I read all of these blogs and think everyone is sooo good. I should just stop following them and hide in m little hole. It’s tough. Like most people I used to be really into my stats- looking at them multiple times a day. Now not so much. It’s almost like a stage most bloggers go through, has anyone come up with the 7 stages of blogging yet?? Really good advice and you’re fab and they’re fab.
Hi there… I am completely new to blogging – I’ve written three posts and as you can imagine I’m full of enthusiasm for my new hobby. I just wanted to say that I read your honest and open account about your confidnence crisis and found it so interesting. I don’t know whether I’m qualified to comment, being a newbie, but I’m sure you’d miss blogging if you didn’t do it. In the middleof all the day to day muddledness of child rearing – it’s a very welcome outlet – well it beats the hell out of going into the utility room to scream
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Yes, it is a bit of a whirlwind, BMB, isn’t it? It’s amazing and I have been able to do a lot because of it BUT, it starts the ball of pressure rolling, doesn’t it. I’m just stepping back a bit and trying to remember why I do it. Thanks for taking the time to comment Lindy…I appreciate it!
Don’t be put off by this post! You’ll love it. And BMB is a great platform to spring from. I appreciate you taking the time to comment here and yes, it does beat the hell out of going into the utility room to scream!
I’ll check you out too!
I think you aren’t the only one having a blogging crisis at the moment. Maybe it is something to do with the changes of season that is making everyone feel a bit mneh.
But your site is beautiful, your writing is lucid and clear and I agree with everyone else. If you enjoy it then just write about what you want to write about. I spend an awful lot of time in a crisis about this one – should I be writing a Mummy blog? Should I be writing an expat blog? What about my Bosnian readers? Is there really anyone who is interested about the state of my sons poo in the bath AND the political situation in Bosnia? The answer is that I am, so I’m going to blog about it and I’ll just see what happens.
I quite like Sally’s idea about turning the stats off. Might give that a try.
)
It’s a bit of a vicious cycle isn’t it? I think I’m back on the straight and narrow now after lovely comments like yours. Thank you! I’m remembering the goal which is to WRITE.
I know you wrote this ages ago Karin, but I’ve only just stumbled across it. I soooooo know how you feel. This crisis of blogging confidence is exactly where I’m at this New Year’s day. Like you, I’m really competitive and I can’t help seeing all the negative things about my blog. I fret that I’m not on the top 100, and fret about stats and fret about my writing and well I just fret about EVERYTHING! Like you, we are also on one income after the immigration debacle last year and the earning-money hill climb seems quite steep from this vantage point. I think you’ve done so well with your blog, you’re an absolute inspiration, and I’m so pleased to have found you online. xx